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Jason: Tell him you want weed and bitches.

Dick: I can’t do that, he’d try and get it.

Jason: I’d love to know what he’d try and do for the bitches.

Damian: How about "Best of luck for the next forty years"?

Tim: He's forty, Damian

Damian: Yes, the average life expectancy is eighty

Tim: No you can't write that

Tim: "Thank you for being a good father"?

Jason: Hmm we shouldn't lie

Tim: True

Damian: "Your parenting has been within acceptable parameters"

Jason: Has it though?

Damian: "Many happy returns for many years that I'm sure you will have"

Jason: That still sounds oddly threatening

Damian: "I hope you have a happy day and... many subsequent years"

From “goofy and maybe not that helpful”

to

“100% serious, helpful and meaningful”

And there’s no in between of the two.

Tim: We were fighting a magician. And I was pissed at Dick.

Jason: So you just??? Let him think you turned into an ant????

Tim: I'm gonna pay you $50 to make him step on it.

Tim: Pfft. What an idiot.

Tim: *realizes it's Jason*

Jason and Dick conga line dancing down the hallway singing Jump In The Line at 3am.

Alfred walking in on Damian dancing to Cobrastyle with headphones on.

Tim stealing Jason's cigarettes while screaming "Everybody knows smokin' ain't allowed in school!" as Jason chases him around.

Dick walking around in 5 inch stilettos because "It's balance training, Bruce!"

An insistent game of Marco Polo that led to Bruce sleeping at the office for 5 days straight.

"YEET!" being yelled multiple times a day.

"WHO THE FUCK ATE MY CHEETOS!"

Monopoly being banned after the disastrous game night that ended in a broken tv, Dick's costume covered in glitter, a prized 16th century vase being broken over Damian's head and Jason giving them all the silent treatment for 2 weeks afterwards.

A dance off that ends with Alfred the victor.

Jason constantly wearing 'Daddy Issues' shirts.

Tim changing the cave security to play the Pink Panther theme everytime Bruce enters.

Damian sneaking in animals all the time.

Bruce drawing the line when it was a zebra.

"How the f%$@ did you even get a zebra!?"

Playing the floor is lava at random. They once ended up hanging from the chandelier at the same time.

Jason and Dick teasing Tim about his childhood "hobby" by sing Lady Gaga's Paparazzi to embarrass him.

Everyone knowing Dick sings ABBA in the shower.

Damian catching Tim and Kon together, resulting in Damian chasing the super around with kryptonite while Tim tries to stop him.

Jason and Tim fencing with cheap toy lightsabers on the roof.

Tim passing out from exhaustion and scaring the hell out of everyone.

Someone yelling "Dammit, Jason!" at least once a day.

Sliding down the banister right after Alfred has it waxed to see who's the fastest. Damian currently holds the record because Dick's use of rollerblades ended in disqualification.

The others switching Tim's coffee out for decaf just to see what happens.

The others agreeing to never again switch Tim's coffee for decaf for fear of a repeat experience.

Yelling "I AM THE NIGHT!" to win arguments.

Dick drawing a emoji faces on Jason's helmets with sharpie.

Bruce barely even acknowledging explosions or screaming in the house anymore.

An ultimate game of tag that ended with Tim getting thrown through a window.

Impromptu games of Batman vs Villains of Gotham where one of them plays Batman and the others band together as villains. They've all played the part of Batman, even Alfred. Bruce is aware of this but pretends he doesn't.

Dick Grayson + Jason Todd + Tim Drake + Damian Wayne

tim drake, rolling in ten minutes late with a protein smoothie: "'sup doc—"

jason todd, fixing his desk so it's angled at exactly 90°: "hello timmy-boy, you're late"

tim drake: "what the hell? jason? did you kill my therapist?"

jason todd: "listen faker, i am your therapist"

tim drake: *drops the smoothie and jumps out if window*

jason todd, still fixing the desk: "he's gonna pay for the next glass"

Jason, dragging Tim into his office next week: So, tell me about your feelings or whatever crap.

Tim: [reluctantly does that]

Jason: LMFAO are you being serious? You fucking loser.

Tim: I don’t think you know what your job here is.