Dazai_the_macrel

Yk i really hate beeing like this shitty Dazai in his 14/15 becouse its just embodiement of how awful person i am. My Oda got lost along the way in my life ana i still cant let it go, im hoplessly in love (if i can call it that since its heavly bordering on obssesion) with my Chuuya but they doesnt see this bond the way i do and im glad becouse i know i would only break them even more. Im one big ugly manipulator my whole life creating myself to be somone im not just to acomplish something i dont see the sens in, i've done it but it turns out it was a things i imaganed to have a purpose for once instead of just existing. Im poisoning the space around me and its disguisting. The way i dont feel empathy (diegnosed ASPD) isn't making me feel guilty but instead its a nail getting hammered into my head telling me that i should feel every ounce of what others felt after what i did to them to punish me. My mere existence is a mistake since i was like that since childhood yet its getting worse over time