LA

Is it really a requirement to feel down and alone when you’re leading a ministry God has given you? And especially when you’ve asked for this? Why is it always so frustrating and discouraging to lead? 

I guess being down is part of being a leader, especially when all you’ve hoped for are good things but the only thing you see is the opposite: no results, the ministry’s not fruitful, and it feels like all your efforts are wasted. 

And then you see other ministries, other churches, or other groups that are doing so well and it feels like they’re living the dream and the vision you had. It almost seems unfair and you can’t help but feel envious because you also want those things they have. You want those blessings poured out on your ministry, you want your dreams and visions to come true, but you’re stuck in your situation right now. 

God is teaching me to be faithful. 

There are so many times that I thought, “This isn’t working, I’m tired, I want to quit.” But then God gives me His word or a song or a simple verse that gives me all the hope I need. And then I begin to dream again, that someday our ministry will flourish, I will see my dreams and visions come to reality.

But for now, God wants to teach me something I haven’t learned yet. It’s a process I need to undergo as a leader to improve myself and to help the ministry.

9 - 20 - 19

It’s times like these when I don’t know what to do or think, I don’t know where to go, I don’t know who to talk to. I just know that I’m lost and everything’s a mess. But there’s always going to be a part of me that’s going to be positive and hopeful.

This too shall pass.

So I’m going to continue and hope that tomorrow will be better even though i know everything has changed. I’m still unsure of what’s going to happen and i’m absolutely terrified of what will happen next, but I want to trust God that He knows what He’s doing. 

idk why I’ve been listening to cornelia street all week when I didn’t even like it when lover came out.