A L I C E B Y E

I'm thinking about going to the doctors again.. I've been thinking about it for probably a week now. I keep getting waves of uncontrollable emotions due to flashbacks, I keep getting angrier and angrier at myself. Yesterday I threw a glass onto the kitchen floor to relive some of the stress but I don't even remember doing it, I just stood and stared at it for a long time and then slowly cleaned it up. I don't know why I did it. I keep crying uncontrollably and my emotions are everywhere. Anything will just make me in the worst mood possible and I've been ignoring it because it was just 'winter blues'. Im going to do it. I just don't want to see anyone, before I used to want to see someone and not take medication but now I want it over with, I want to see the end of this and I just don't want to talk to a stranger about something I don't even understand.

So I've been locked out of my account and I can only use it via mobile app. I no longer have access to my old hotmail that my tumblr is linked to.. If anyone knows how to help me get back into my account please let me know. I've emailed support and just got a generic email back telling me to make a new account but I've had this account for close to five years and I'm not really ready to give up on it..

All i want to do is crappy tattoos again! I spent p much most last summer tattooing myself and jessie and i just want to do 100 goldfish tattoos on myself

I’m in a lot of very constant pain recently and then I got sick and I think my body is just taking a break from me. All I do all day every day is lie in bed and do nothing only very occasionally doing something outside the house and that totally wipes out all my energy and it’s okay, I need to just rest I can’t really rely on my body to function properly right now but it’s so frustrating, i’m definitely getting sick a lot more often and my legs hurt almost daily at the moment and I wouldn’t be able to function very much without Jessie being around and doing all the cooking and cleaning and keeping me company right now. I feel very lucky that the person I love is looking after me.