Cat Dad 🐱

I think it depends on a lot of stuff. I think that maybe I’m just a bit darker than you in that aspect. I think that you’re probably better for it. I think that is probably a good way to go about things. I’m not even mad about it or anything. God, no. There is no one in this town that I want. I’ve learned that girls are more trouble than I want and the type of guy I like are generally straight.  I don’t think there are actually any single bisexual guys honestly much less gay ones. I’ve definitely learned what sort of weirdos to stay away from. I get you know though. I’m just not like you and Joe.

That good be true, I tend to keep any of the dark shit in my own head. Maybe, it does mean I’m a little out of the loop when it comes to these things - which is fine by me but doesn’t leave for much conversation filler if you run out of things to talk about with someone. Depends on the girl you’re looking at, I suppose, though the liking the straight dudes is kind of quandary. Can’t really do much about that. Maybe you just gotta put yourself out there a bit more, place a Bisexual & Looking ad and see what you get! Not like me and Joe in what sense? I don’t get it?

Now I’m sure that my mom would love if I included her in a group chat with two unknown numbers. April Fools is just around the corner so it’s the perfect time to do it, you know? How incredible does it feel to have everyone’s attention whenever you drop that little bad boy into a conversation? Right? I’m pretty much regretting not recreating another 47 Meters Down story. Maybe we’ll get lucky with the next big trip that this town takes. That way I could sit down my grandchildren and let them know that I survived the shark attack and the wife. I’ll have other stories to tell the kids. I’ll take them back to the time when I was a kid and go from there. A better version of the How I Met Your Mother type of show. But with a better ending. 

Mom’s have a supernatural kind of connection though, they’d forget they were strangers in no time, as soon as they started sharing baby stories about us...okay, wait, you’re right, this is a bad idea. Let’s nix that. Without a doubt my mom would start sharing those embarrassing kid photos that I’d rather didn’t get out. Right? If not Jaws then maybe some kind Day After Tomorrow type thing. Fingers crossed. It wouldn’t take much to give that one a better ending, so at least your chances seem solid. My kids, should they ever be more than hypothetical, are going to think I’m boring as shit though. I should really start making up some good lies to tell them now, while I still have some free time every now and then.

No, I’d rather not be reminded of those moments, Dave! I’d rather equally laugh at everything, see. But no, everyone has those moments that made us want to crawl into a hole and forget they ever happened, and they don’t go away as adults, sadly. I wish I could say I left them behind at 17, but I’ve definitely had some of those moments at 27. Oh, you ended up falling for acting because of the class? Eh, I can sort of understand why anyone would be upset about that given it’s a really hard business to break into, but it also seems sort of silly because it doesn’t automatically mean someone takes the opportunity for granted, you know? But you’re doing what you want, and that’s what counts! It’s always the goal, anyway. And yeah, you get to interact with people who have the same love for poetry that you do, it sounds like. To be honest, for the longest, I really didn’t know what I wanted to do. I started out thinking about acting and really loved doing it, but then got caught up in the whole dilemma about whether or not I wanted to be yet another person from our family that’s in the business. Which was sort of silly, admittedly. I flitted around thinking maybe I wanted to go into medicine instead, or model, or just travel, but you know, genuine love for something always wins out and I ended up acting again.

Sorry, man, didn’t mean to bring up the bad shit! They don’t go away, do they?! And they almost get worse, I think - like they probably weren’t nearly as bad as we remember them but somehow as time passes we build them up and they end up becoming this life altering events that haunt us forever. That’s true, I’ve made some new ones a long the way too, I think I just care less now than I did then, you know? At this point, I figure if someone can’t accept me flaws and all, I probably don’t want them around too much anyway. I was pretty shy, believe it or not, so the idea of getting up in front of all those people seemed like hell on earth but in a weird way it ended up being a bit cathartic for me. Yeah, I suppose I can understand that - and don’t get me wrong, I have huge respect for people that spent their whole lives knowing what they wanted to do and worked towards it until they got there. It doesn’t do me any favors though, you know, people just assume any success I have is because my brother pulled some strings, so I don’t know, whichever path you take, there’s going to be obstacles. Man, modeling seems exhausting - one photo shoot and I feel like I need to nap for a week! Medicine is cool though and probably more work than anything! You’re right though, I’m not really a fan of ‘fate’ but sometimes you can’t help but feel there’s some kind of force guiding things. 

Probably, I am not pleased with such answer. I was very pleased with my crown, I looked rather cute if I have to say so myself and as I have no one else to say it for me, then yes I was cute. It’s a newer version of that prayer circle, but this is better as it has food. You know, as long as a good time is had and great food is available, it still counts as a win even if we have to deal with certain things a bit more. Ugh, I know, those two things are some of the activities I actually don’t like, even if I am acceptable at unpacking. Hmm, I will be fine with robots, as long as we don’t end in that Exterminator scenario, you know.

That’s the best I can, I don’t like to limit myself to guarantees! That seems fair, I imagine it probably did look pretty cute. I just looked like I was trying to look cute - though I don’t think I did a horrible job of it either. Everything is improved when food is added to the mix, as far as I’m concerned. I might have spent a lot more time in church if they’d handed out Oreos or something. Yeah, I can do it, I just like to complain whenever I have to. Fingers crossed that won’t happen again for awhile. Everyone has this robot fear, but I’m convinced there has to be some good ones out there that won’t try to kill us all eventually. They can’t all be bad, right?

I’ve never seen the point in trying to force someone to make a decision about their future. Like you said, people think they know what they want to do then realise they’d much rather do something different. Heck, I’m sure at some point I’ll probably want to and end up doing something other than acting. Maybe when I’m like sixty or something but you know. Kids are so smart, they always see through everything then call you out on your shit. I don’t know how they do it. They have some secret, magical powers we don’t know about. I think the funny thing is, if we told people we were actually good kids, they’d probably think we were bullshitting. If the only bad thing about you is swearing then I think you’re doing this whole good person thing pretty well. Teach me your ways.

Have you ever thought about it, like what you’d want to do outside of acting if you had the chance? I think I want to be one of those drivers for Google Maps who just drives around mapping out the roads and shit - that seems like a hella good job to me. They’re creepy smart, you can’t get anything past them - which has got to suck for parents. I think they do, like secretly Hogwarts is real, they just don’t tell us about it because we’ll muggle it up for them. Probably, I think they just don’t want to believe we were good kids though, it’s much more interesting to believe that we were little hellions or something. Alright, so there’s also the pot, but really, is that even considered bad these days either? Honestly, I think I’m just too lazy to cause any really trouble, so if there’s a secret, that’s it. Just be lazy.

See, but you could have just sold it as an art piece by describing it exactly like that. “Oh, it’s a representation of a bush that my uncle ran over one Christmas afternoon when he had too much to drink and got the whole family into an uproar.” Suddenly everyone would have been clamoring to see it and make one of their own. See, you just have to own the leaves and say that they’re a part of your aesthetic now. Oh, me too! I’m really excited for the idea of getting away, honestly. Exactly, like it’s a great thing, but the adults should be doing this while they play video games or hang out with their friends at the mall and it just… feels like we’re cheating them out of something, you know? Making them grow up too fast. Although I guess that was more of a circumstance of life. Didn’t she make some sort of vague threat at Chrissy Teigen after Chrissy criticized her make-up or something? So she might be a little scary, you’re right! I don’t know, Dave, it’s like… one second they’re cute, but the next, they’re a killer.

See, now I regret skipping out on it, maybe I could have made my mark as an artist and now I’ve lost the chance. At least until the next Spring Fling anyway. I would have, except my cats were going crazy - they’re not real big on actually going outside, that takes effort, but when I bring the outdoors inside they go a bit wild. I was afraid to sleep because they kept coming at my head like it was a big mouse or something. So the leaves had to go. I sort of feel bad for kids these days, I love the internet but I think it exposes kids to things I didn’t even think about until I was well into my adult years, you know. Not much chance to be a kid. Oh yeah, there was something about that - have you seen the latest thing with her and Will Smith on a ‘date’? I feel like she’s a bit of a mean girl, you know? Who doesn’t love Will Smith? Fair enough, I just really want some sort of mechanical being to do my chores for me, but those are always the ones that turn on you the quickest. 

Are you that person who eats tomatoes raw?! What kind of an animal are you, Dave?! Oh definitely, I just hope I don’t turn into a madwoman when we start. We’ve got everything pretty much ready! Just tweaking our script because Aubrey and I like to butt heads a lot. But filming is in less than two months now? So it won’t be long now!

Hold up, how can you even eat a sandwich without tomatoes and call it a sandwich? You probably will, so just make sure you’ve prepared anyone you care about otherwise they might try and have you committed or something. That two months is going to fly by, it’ll be here before you know it! Good luck though, I hope it goes great!

I figured that was more the case. I think that most people tend to tow the line and not go there. Realistically, I’m probably the more likely of us to end up in jail so let’s just sort of count our blessings for that. I tend to really overthink everything. Pretty much everything in the past bit. I mean, I think someone drank the kool-aid or something.  They pretty much never would know if I had a crush on something really. I think the last thing they got it right was over a year ago. They seem to have gotten you and Lili right then. 

I don’t know if it’s about towing the line so much as not want to be responsible for taking another life, but if that is towing the line, then so be it. I have to be honest, I don’t pay much attention to it, so I never really know what’s happening. I always figure if someone wants me to know something, they’ll tell me, otherwise it’s none of my business. Well, do you have a crush on something? Or, you know, someone (hopefully). Yeah, but I don’t think we were really trying to hide it much, you know? You’d have to have been really not paying attention to miss that one. 

I think I get what you mean but still! Oh yes they do I wish Bubba would be a baby for a longer time but being honest the speed that the cats grew up only made me happy because they used to bite a lot as kittens… Wait how many cats do you have now?

Yeah they tend to do that when they’re babies, don’t they - it’s been so long since Harry and Arty were, I sometimes forget. Still just two, but they’re fucking monsters - they each weight well over ten  pounds, so combined, it’s a whole lot of cat. 

I’m back home in Bayview from doing some travelling because of work, its always an amazing time but coming home is always an amazing feeling. Ready to take a bath and sleep all day tomorrow, but first I could really use some dinner. Would anyone like to go grab food? On me. Just pick a place.

Dammit, I always show up late for the good stuff. Where’d you end up going and - more importantly - do you have any leftovers you’re willing to share?

New year, same bloody Phoebe and back on my same bloody bullshit. Nothing new here. I know, I know - I’ve done this too many times now, no one needs to get out of their seats to give me a warm, welcome back (again[x2?]) to town. I hate myself for it, too, honestly. But on the bright side, I don’t have any unpacking to do so I can get started on Tipsy Tuesday earlier now. Open invitation, by the way - my home is your home.  

P.S. I don’t wanna fucking hear it, Zach. 

I don’t know, I don’t make a habit of drinking with deserters, you know? I’m just giving you a hard time, welcome back! I think there is a rule that when you leave and come back, you’re required to not only provide drinks but also a homemade meal, complete with dessert to anyone who just happens to stop by. By the way, where do you live again? 

That’s right, and it’s certainly not the first impression you want to make in a new country! I’m with you on that, laughing sometimes feels like the only relief we have when things would just make us cave otherwise. Plus it’s nice when you’re far away enough from something really embarrassing to be able to laugh at yourself. This is a really good point, you know they’re there because they actually want to be and no one’s forcing their hand like in high school and such. Which, considering high school, is understandable. Especially given that slight insecurity about going to class at their ages. And nice, you might have taken a detour, but you ended up doing exactly what you wanted to do. Does that mean you don’t want to act so much, or are you going to end up doing both? Exactly, and more opportunities to bring up their past, probably embarrassing poetry. Nice, that’s been a little while then! It sounds like it’s going really well.

There’s always those things that stick with you though, aren’t there. Like no matter how many years pass, you kind of fake laugh if someone brings it up but deep down, you’re screaming internally as if it was happening all over again right then. Exactly, so they tend to be a bit more invested - especially if it’s something they actually have to pay for out of their own pocket. Oh, I didn’t think I wanted to act at all, the idea terrified me to be honest. My brother talked me into taking a class and for the first part of the semester, I hated it but once I sort of gave in, it took over and here we are. But I’m not one of those people who grew up wanting to do this - which pisses some people off. I don’t think poetry will ever pay the bills for me, I just love it and so I figured I might as well do something with it. It is fun, plus it kind of gets you out and interacting with the community which is kind of cool. What about you, ever thought about what else you might be doing if not this?

Are you implying that I am not a princess…oh the pain. I have been busy as I tend to be, my default mode it is, you? They have, I was explained all about it and the food and crowns, so I managed to get a crown made of flowers but still counts. Look, if having a good time and eating great food is enough to play on this ‘Spring come to us already’ I am more than willing to try it. I am getting there, it’s going easier than packing.

I would never dare to imply such a thing....probably! There you go, so long as you got the crown, you’re doing it right. I think it’s like the Bayview version of prayer or something - when we want something really badly we just get together and eat. Even if we don’t get what we wanted, it’s usually a good time, so it all works out in the end. I just hate it all, packing, unpacking - this is what we need robots for. 

The only bad thing about the Spring Fling is that it’s only three days long, seriously. But I did get to hang out there a lot today and eat a ton and build myself a cute little terrarium and have fun with the girls, so it was a nice day! What about you, did you end up enjoying yourself this weekend? Oh, totally, and in most ways, it’s great, because they’re showing how smart and incredibly strong they are, you know? But in others, it makes me the tiniest bit sad for them, because it’s like they can no longer just be kids, because as adults, we’ve mad the world such a bad place for them. Wasn’t there a robot on Power Rangers? And maybe we could count that … Sophia? Is that what her name is? She’s been making the news a lot lately. Maybe the robot can visit me in one of those police interrogation rooms, where I’m safe on the other side of the glass…?

I saw your post, it was very cute. You’re far more talented than me in that area - mine probably would have ended up looking like a bush your drunk uncle ran over or something.  I am still picking leaves out of my hair from the flower crown, but that’s my only real complaint. And now I’m just pumped up for a Spring getaway - the fever has kicked in! Well, shit, Delta! I was feeling pretty good about them but now that you mention that...it is kind of depressing. What’s even more depressing is that they seem to be doing a better job of adulting than most of the actual adults these days. There was! Alpha 5! Okay, no that Sophia thing was creepy as fuck, so she can’t count as one of the good guys. She’s definitely going to take over the world and kill us all. But what about like, Johnny Five, from that old movie Short Circuit? He was cute, I don’t think you’d need glass to protect you from him. 

True but that you could say to anything. Would you still be able to be outside running and playing with dolls all the time now? No, but you enjoyed it as a kid and I think that is normal, we change but that doesn’t means what we used to love to do is bad now is just not for us anymore. Too deep? Yeah I like being here with the pets, and Bubba that used to be our baby is so big already is a bit scary.

I could, but I feel like playing with dolls and getting shitfaced and doing stupid, often risky, shit is kind of apples and oranges, you know? But maybe that’s just me! They grow up so fast, don’t they? Sniffle. I just hate sleeping without mine - it’s weird because when you sleep with nearly thirty pounds of cat on you every night, trying to sleep without it is weird. 

I can appreciate spring for what it is, however, my allergies cannot. I swear I’ve been holding on to Benedryl like it’s my life source nowadays. Personally, I’d finally like to settle into something a little more comfy, like fall. Enough about me and my disdain for the current season. How are you doing?

Woah, woah, woah, you can’t just go skipping over summer like that! We suffered a long, cold winter, at least let us enjoy some sunshine before you start rushing us off to the otherside! Allergies suck ass though, so I don’t blame you for wanting to get rid of those. I’m doing great though, thanks for asking! How about you, aside from the Benadryl fetish.

Oh my gosh, that’s hilarious. I’ve seen some cats in videos who are cool with leashes/the outdoors but they seem like they’re in minority. We had a fantastic time today. Did you get out and about today?

I’m pretty sure those videos are all faked somehow! That or they’re not really cats...you decide! I sure did, I never miss a chance for a good time. Made myself a flower crown and everything.