hey there demons

The student finally becomes the master. This is the proudest moment of my life and I hope it’s the proudest of yours too. If it’s not, don’t tell me. My heart can’t take such rejection from you. Thank you! You know it’ll be more fun in alien land with me anyway. You’ll have an evil partner in crime to run all your crazy ideas past before inflicting doom on the poor aliens. I can’t wait to rule this new world with you. The police will be so impressed with our faux fighting skills that we’ll get a medal of honor.

I’ve never been prouder of anyone before. All the proud I’ve ever had stored up inside me is spilling out just for you. As if I’d ever reject you. You wormed your way into this cold, dead heart of mine years ago. Who else is going to put up with the job of being my best friend? It’s a tough one. I think we’re the only people who want to torture aliens and I love that for us. They’ll probably ask us to give a speech, maybe even make a movie about us.

A cane?? Only YOU can make that iconc. 

Look at you being my hype girl. Follow me around and tell everyone how iconic I am, please.

Alright fine, you caught me. I do make the rules and I am doing it to try to hurt your feelings. You say you don’t have feelings but I feel like one day I’ll find it and then I’ll know and this whole mess can stop. That’s fine, go to space and live with the aliens but just know I will come find you. A world without Aubrey Plaza isn’t a world I want to live in. Should we take our fake drunk fight to the streets? Get the people talking about us?

You can’t get anything past me, Kendrick. I’m so proud that you’re channelling your inner evil to hurt me. It’s all I’ve ever wanted from you. Fine, I guess you can come and live with the aliens too. We can be Queens of the alien world. Duh, of course. We’ll yell and wake everyone in the neighbourhood up and won’t stop until the police come out then we explain it was all an acting flex.

Aubrey, my favorite hype woman in the whole world. Please, tell me more about how much you love Sharon… in fact, scream it from the rooftops, and maybe Marvel might listen and give us her own spin-off. I’m thinking Sharon takes on the world, kicking ass and taking names. It’s what she deserves, and now, as a personal Sharon fan myself, it’s what us fans deserve!         It’s always the wine cellar. My company never really holds up to a good glass of wine, but I completely understand. So what do you say I pop open a bottle of red, and we brainstorm some ideas to get you on Sharon’s new show? Just manifesting it out in the world!

I will start a weekly podcast just to talk about how much I love Sharon and how shes the star of any show and movie she’s been in. Who needs all these superheroes and losers with metal arms when we have a badass lady that kicks ass? Not me, that’s for sure. Oh, shush. Your company is much better than a glass of wine. Can we make me Sharon’s sidekick who follows her around hyping her up all the time? I think that’s the job I was born to do but make me emo so when I say nice things it means more.

I wouldn’t dream of leaving you again. If it’s a life or death situation I promise to get your permission before I go. Can stop stay here forever too? Because if so then I’m sure I can agree to that. A few new projects and a book? That’s exciting. Anything you can discuss yet? Do it, adopt a cat. I’m always trying to convince Tom to allow me to adopt more pets so I’m going to live through you and tell you to adopt the kitty.

That’s all I ask. I miss seeing that cute face of yours around. And, Tom’s too, I guess. Nope! It’s all a secret but you’ll find out soon. It’s all really exciting things. I did get to do a whole episode directing a thing for my ex which was pretty darn cool. Lucky he’s a good guy and we’re still friends. Come with me to the adoption place! I’ll be a bad influence and encourage you to take one home too.

I don’t like to complain, but I don’t think I was ever truly prepared to live anywhere without my brothers. I went outside earlier with every intention of finding the store so I could get food. I couldn’t find the store, there was sunlight, it was all bad. Now I’m thinking about going back to bed, but my stomach is still growling and we haven’t got groceries since we moved in. Life was easier when I could just go to my brother’s house and raid his refrigerator all hours of the day and night. I’m Emerson, by the way. I should have started there, shouldn’t I?  @townofbayview​ 

It’s weird when your siblings aren’t around. I felt a little lost when I was without my sisters for the first time but you slowly get used to it. You went out in the sunlight? Oof, big mistake. Everyone knows the sunlight is evil and it’s only right to out once it’s gone away. You know what the easy solution is? Takeout. There’s so many great places around here. You can do your groceries tomorrow. Welcome to town. I’m Aubrey!

I’ve managed to pull myself away from this Gossip Girl binge that I’ve started and actually go out and get some fresh air and check out Davey Jones’ Locker. Something about ferris wheels, cotton candy, and bumper cars just makes me feel like I’m walking right into the final scene of Grease. I’m one second away from running back home, turning my hot rollers on, and putting my leather pants on then running back and breaking out into song. I mean, I won’t… for the health and safety of those around me, but the urge is very much there and I’m showing a whole lot of restraint here. Anyway, can someone show me in the direction of the funnel cakes or does my sense of smell have to lead me there?  

Which season of Gossip Girl are you on? I’m currently in the middle of an How I Met Your Mother rewatch. I’m skipping the last episode — fuck that mess. I’ll always be angry at how it ended. Davey Jones was a lot of fun, though! It’s always a good weekend when that place opens. Did you find the funnel cakes? I was too busy watching every ride the coaster to see which one of them would be sick.

Yep, I sure did. There’s no Aubrey’s allowed in Space and I know that probably hurts but I don’t make the rules. It was a cool, good time though and I am a little sad that you missed out. Oh shut up, you’re way cooler than any fake alien I’ve ever met and you know it. What if I bring over my own bottle of wine and we can fake fight while we drink from the bottles? 

I feel like you do make the rules and you’re doing this to hurt my feelings but too bad because we both know I don’t have any. I’m sure one day I’ll get to go to space but don’t expect me to come back. I’ll be living my best life on Mars with the aliens where I belong. Okay, deal. I love a good fake fight while getting drunk. It’s one of my many favourite pasttimes.

Who want’s to hear a funny story? Well, guess who just twisted her ankle? This idiot! I was on some photo shoot set on these high heels and one wrong move and I found myself on the floor. In front of the whole crew and director. I’m fine now, my ego is bruised and my leg hurts a bit but other than that, yay me. I’m Sydney by the way!

Oh, I’ve done that before. Don’t even worry! At one point I tore my ACL in a basketball game in front of a bunch of super cool people. I ended up walking around with a cane for weeks. It was bedazzled though, so I guess that’s a plus. Hopefully you get some rest and treat yourself to feel better.

Okay so I know I fell off the face of the earth for awhile but I have a good excuse. I was in space. Yeah, that’s right your girl went to Space. And I mean who cares if I only really went to space in a movie, right? For me it was all real and that’s what’s important. My time way taught me one thing though, Bayview really is where it’s at. I’m glad to be back and yes, I’ve already hit up Paco’s for all my taco needs. What all have I missed though? Fill me in on everything.

You went to space and didn’t take me with you? What’s wrong with you? I thought we were best friends but I guess you’re too busy making friends with fake aliens in fake space now. I don’t know anything at any given time so don’t ask me what’s happening. All I know is I treated myself to a bottle of wine and I’m not sharing it with you. Suck it.

I hope you’re back to 100 on your magical powers, but I guess it worked out that I made it past the town limits. I wonder what else happened that day, with your magic out of whack and all. Did the squirrels turn pink? We’ll never know. You have a private witch supplies store in your basement? Just because I want to see what you’ve got, I’ll be a tentative yes on the blood oath – is it prick a finger kind of oath or cut your hand open? I feel like that’s important to put in the fine print, you know? Ok, let me know when it hits the bookstores, and I’ll check my mailbox every day for my autographed copy.

I am! You’re one of the very few people who I would’ve let back in anyway but don’t go telling everyone else that. I don’t want them to think I have too many friends. I wish the squirrels turned pink. Can you imagine? People would think they were going crazy and it’d be great to watch. Duh, of course! As the town’s resident witch, I have to make sure I have the best supplies around. Hmm, too much blood will be messy and I don’t want to have to clean up so we’ll go with a prick of a finger. I will do! I’m pretty stoked to be doing something other than acting. I love it but writing is a nice change of pace.

I’ve been away from town for a little bit just doing a few projects but I’m back now and here to bother everyone and make up the time I missed whilst I was away. So come on, give me all the gossip, whats new with you and whats new in town? I want all the gory details. @townofbayview​

Never leave again, Maisie. You’re not allowed to. I’ve talked to the spirits and we’re all in agreement that you have to remain here forever now. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. There’s nothing new with me other than a few new projects and a book but other than that everything is the same as always. Thought about adopting another cat — that’s as exciting as my life is right now.

No spoilers obviously — but if you haven’t watched The Falcon and The Winter Soldier yet, then what are you waiting for? You get to see two of my favorite people killing it, and you might even get to see this face on your screens again. I make no promises that she’s the same Sharon Carter you remember, but she’s a whole lot of fun. Promise.         Now that the obligatory ‘watch my show!’ has been said, I’m so excited to be here in town. I got some downtime from filming to make this move happen, and not going to lie… you’re kinda beautiful, Bayview. I caught a glimpse of the gorgeous beach on my drive in, and I cannot wait for Summer. I can already tell that Frankie’s going to love it here; personally, she’s a fan of her brand new yard. And me? Well, I have this wine cellar that’s waiting to be broken into. Anybody down for some wining and dining? @townofbayview​

Who cares about the other two when there’s a possibility we get to see your face? They can fade off into the background and let you shine. In fact, where is Sharon’s own show? That’s what I want and need. I have watched the new episode and it was my favourite one yet. You had me at wine cellar — count me in. It’s been a while since I had a good glass of wine.

Honestly, if disappearing acts happened to be an Olympic sport, I might have a very legit chance at the podium, I feel. In my defense, I was working and I got lost into it -as it was bound to happen. And while I’m glad to be back in town and have been granted the Easter weekend, boy am I wasting it! After cleaning my house a bit and taking Itarille for a walk, I have mostly been sleeping and now I’m restless and wanting to go back to work, so guess the person that can’t exactly enjoy vacations? But now, come on, everyone tell me what’s up with all of you? What exciting things have you all been doing? Anyone new to town? Catch me up!

Me too. I like to pull a disappearing act every now and again to keep everyone on their toes. Besides, it makes people appreciate you more when you are around. Nothing wrong with sleeping the weekend away! I wish I could’ve but I had my family over because they can’t get enough of harassing me at every holiday. I’ve been writing a book and working on secret movies so I have no idea what’s going on these days. I’m in my own little bubble which isn’t any different than usual, I guess.