I Kissed A Girl

Activist Erica Garner has died, after suffering brain damage following a heart attack. She was 27 years old.

Her official Twitter account announced her death Saturday morning.

She entered the public eye in July 2014 when her father, Eric Garner, died after being put in a chokehold by a New York City police officer. Eric Garner was seen on video saying, “I can’t breathe” 11 times before he died.

Erica Garner had been in a coma since Dec. 23, when she had an asthma attack that triggered a heart attack, according to the New York Daily News.

“When her son was born in August, she named her newborn after her father,” the newspaper reports. “Garner suffered her first heart attack shortly after the delivery, with doctors saying the pregnancy stressed her already enlarged heart.”

Erica Garner became a prominent figure calling for an end to police brutality, as her father’s last words became a rallying cry for the Black Lives Matter movement. She began staging weekly “die-ins” on the sidewalk in front of a beauty supply store in Staten Island, the site where the New York City police officer put her father in the fatal chokehold.

Defining: Gender Nonconforming

By Kai River Blevins

Welcome to another installment of our “Defining” series, where we unpack various terms and identities. Do you have a word that needs defining? Let us know!

Gender nonconforming is a complicated term that can be used in a few different ways, but for now we’re going to focus on what it means when someone identifies as a gender nonconforming person.

Define It: 

Gender nonconforming is a term that some people use to describe themselves when they do not dress, behave, or otherwise “fit in” with gender expectations.

Explain It:

Now that we have a definition, let’s get into what it means to be gender nonconforming. Typically, people who are gender nonconforming will express this identity through individual expression: how they dress, walk, talk, and act in the world.

In our society, pretty much every way that a person behaves, dresses, speaks, moves, and interacts with others is gendered. Women are expected to act, dress, speak, and move in specific ways simply because they are women, and men are expected to act, dress, speak, and move in specific ways simply because they are men. For example, women are often expected to wear dresses, be mothers, cross their legs, smile, and have long hair. Men are often expected to be strong, breadwinners, emotionless, and wear pants and neckties.

Gender nonconforming is used as an identity term in two ways. First, it can be an umbrella term. Often, people say “trans and gender nonconforming (GNC)” as a way to describe people who, regardless of their gender identity (you do not have to identify as trans to identify as gender nonconforming), do not adhere to gender expectations.

Second, people can use the term gender nonconforming as a label for their own gender identity. Much like the identity term non-binary, people who use gender nonconforming to describe their identity do not fit in the traditional categories of “men” or “women.” Gender nonconforming people fit into the non-binary community because they don’t identify with the gender they were assigned at birth or with either of the two traditional binary genders (man and woman). However, this does not mean that gender nonconforming people cannot be men or women. For example, some gender nonconforming people identify as “gender nonconforming men” or “gender nonconforming women.” If this seems a little confusing, consider that gender categories are not mutually exclusive. In other words, people don’t always have just one gender. In this way, gender nonconforming people can have ‘gender nonconforming’ as the only gender identity term they use, or they can use a combination of terms to express their gender identity.

Debunk It:

Only transgender people are gender nonconforming. As noted above, this isn’t true! Anyone can identify as gender nonconforming, including men, women, and non-binary people alike.

All people who identify as gender nonconforming are transgender or non-binary. Much like the answer above, this isn’t true! While it might be helpful to think of gender nonconforming as being similar to non-binary or transgender identities, it is important to remember that not all gender nonconforming people use those terms to describe themselves. For example, some people identify as gender nonconforming women or gender nonconforming men. As with all identities, each person has their own relationship to the term, their own understanding of what it means for them, and their own combination of identity terms to best describe their experience with gender and sexuality.

Gender nonconforming people all use “they/them” pronouns. When it comes to pronouns, the general rule is to always ask someone what pronouns they use. The rule isn’t any different here! Gender nonconforming people use a wide variety of pronouns, from the binary pronouns “he/him” and “she/her” to gender neutral and other pronouns. Instead of assuming someone’s pronouns, make it a habit to learn everyone’s pronouns. If you’re in a group, the easiest way to do this is to tell others your pronouns first, and then ask everyone to let you know which pronouns they use. This is a good practice because you not only create an environment where sharing your pronouns is a normal thing, but you also give gender nonconforming people and others the space to share their pronouns without being singled out or overlooked. And if you forget a person’s pronouns or meet someone new, you can always politely ask them in private which pronouns they use.

Be sure to check out the rest of The Defining Series right here!

***

Whining about transwomen. Ugh. Will TERFs ever not whine?

I ask why, as a transwoman born with debilitating dysphoria, you use the term “woman parts.” I don’t know what the fuck that means. I honestly chuckled reading that shit. Sorry you benefit from going along with the arbitrary lie you were fed since birth that your vagina defines your gender identity. But I can assure you, upside-down girl, a large, veiny schlong can still be “woman parts” if it indeed belongs to a woman. But lol whatever.

Honestly I’m not angry with you. Not because I have any fucks to give about your plight as a pouty little brat, but because I don’t. You’re not worth the spoons to get mad at. You are worth mockery though, which I shall do swiftly and without regret.

You make quite a few assumptions regarding transwomanhood. You do realize that most of us won’t get surgery, right? It’s expensive, not covered by insurance, painful, risky, and can often lead to a lifetime of follow-up surgeries. Why do you jump immediately to the conclusion that our genitals are what define our womanhood? Probably because you’re still married to the privilege that comes with being a ciswoman in love with her vagina.

I want to be clear that being in love with your vagina is far from a problem in my book. It’s a beautiful thing to be proud of something that has been used against you for centuries, something that has been shamed, abused, mutilated, something that made you a target for violence. Ciswomen are still regularly discriminated against both interpersonally and systematically, and of course their arbitrarily gendered genitalia play a factor into this. I have no issue with you caring about yourself and the rights of ciswomen. But I have a few questions for your ass:

What makes you think that transwomen aren’t constantly bombarded with dick pics and flashers? What makes you think that I, as a transwoman, cannot be a rape survivor as well? Because let me tell you, I fucking am. I am a repeated rape survivor. Why are you always pointing to one of two transwomen in the public eye as an end all example of our “privilege,” when she represents a very small sample size of privileged and problematic transwomen? Why do you think that all of us give a shit if you have genital preferences, that somehow we don’t already know that our reproductive systems are different than yours and somehow transmens’ similar systems to yours are null and void because these are “woman parts?” What makes you think that a transwoman’s inability to have biological children is a lesser experience than a ciswoman’s? Like, what the hell makes you legitimately posit this? What makes you think that transwomens’ oppression is a newer thing than that of ciswomens’? What makes you think that we don’t experience scrutiny and emotional abuse based on our bodies to an equal or perhaps even greater extent than you? What makes you think that the way we behave isn’t also conditioned early on to ensure we never escalate situations with men, that we don’t carry weapons and text friends, that we don’t fear both rape and murder, that men who rape or murder us will somehow be rightfully convicted but yours won’t? What makes you think that some of us never presented naturally femme even before transition, and even with the privilege of being cispassing come unique challenges and fears? Fears of being sexually assaulted then “found out” and thusly beaten and/or murdered. Fears of simply minding your own business sans makeup, your ass grabbed on the train, another man coming to your aid, then infuriated once he figures out that you’re “not a real woman” because he sees five o’ clock shadow (a personal experience of mine).

Why do you think transwomen minding their own business in changing rooms is the same thing as being “forced to see a penis?” Why do you think we were ever equal to a man even when we were being raised as “boys?” Why is somehow your language more important than our lives and well-being? Why is “oppressive language” the same to you coming from transwomen as it is from men? How is our fight for our lives oppressive to your ass?

I’m sorry some transwomen sent you meanie pants messages. I wouldn’t personally send something like that to you, as threats are not in my vocabulary. But did you ever sit and think, hmm, maybe there is a legitimate reason why they’re reacting this way? Ever stop and think “Hmm. Maybe I’m crying cistears and doing everything in my power to silence and diminish the experiences of transwomen, experiences I obviously don’t know jack shit about based on the trash article I wrote for Medium?”

I agree, your birth control and abortion rights are important. But I’ll admit that your toplessness is not a particularly urgent issue to me, and this is coming from a transwoman who developed breasts at a young age. On paper, yeah, your rights to openly displaying your breasts are valid, but some of us have bigger worries than you trying to make everyone look at your boobies. That’s a nice problem to have, sweetie. Ask any woman of color, specifically black women. They have bigger worries than you. They face bigger adversity and marginalization than you. And these include ciswomen.

Why do you assume our bodies aren’t hypersexualized and catcalled every fucking day, that we don’t have to conform even more intensely to mens’ standards?  That if we don’t shave carefully and wear heaping loads of makeup our lives won’t be in more danger than you could ever fathom? We’ve lost 13 transwomen so far this year to anti-trans violence. These were all transwomen of color, most of whom were black transwomen. You yourself acknowledge that we’re a small percent of the population, and yet so many of us are dying.

Why do you gloss over the intensified violence we face? Once again I ask, why do you insist that our surgeries are what define us? Why are you so obsessed with our surgeries?

I can answer all of these questions for you: you don’t see us as women, or even as people. You want us gone, you want us silenced, you want us to appeal to your comfywumfyness. As self-aggrandizing as it is to quote my own work, I wrote a song that deals with shits like you. The hook goes as such:

“What you see is everlasting

I ain’t going nowhere,

I’m staying right here.

What you see is everlasting

I ain’t going nowhere,

I’m staying right here.

Your comfort doesn’t matter to me if my well-being doesn’t matter to you. Why can’t you get that thru ur head, thru ur head?

Your comfort doesn’t matter to me if my well-being doesn’t matter to you. Why can’t you get that thru ur head, thru ur head?”

Girls on soccer team cut their hair to support teammate mistaken for a boy.

shoutout to nonbinary people who default to presenting as their assigned gender bc it’s safer

shoutout to nonbinary people who default to presenting as their assigned gender bc they don’t feel like they can pull off anything else

shoutout to nonbinary people who default to presenting as their assigned gender bc presenting as their real gender is impossible

shoutout to nonbinary people who present as their assigned gender bc they want to

shoutout to nonbinary people whose presentation is mistaken for their assigned gender but is in fact how they express their real gender

Being against gay (transgender etc. etc.) because Bible!

Wonderful chart from Scott Bateman courtesy of Queerty. 

ITS NOT EMBARRASSING AT ALL TO ASK!!  YOUR SCHOOL SHOULD BE EMBARRASSED FOR NOT TEACHING YOU. 

Sorry to yell, I just hate that no one talks to cis women, non binary people with vaginas, intersex people, or trans men who have sex with other people with vaginas about how to keep themselves safe.  (Surprise, we’re less important.)

Here is a post I wrote about this a little while ago with all the info in it:

Oh yay!  I’m so glad that you asked this question, since we don’t talk about it nearly enough.

This goes for all types of sex between all types of people/genders/sexes: If you are unsure of your partner’s sexually transmitted infection status, follow this very basic rule: don’t mix fluids.

If you know someone well enough that you both get tested and decide that you’re willing to commit, you can decide to become fluid-bonded to them.  This means that you decide to share bodily fluids with one another and begin to participate in sex acts without a barrier method.

Until then, use barrier methods.

For people with vaginas having sex with people with vaginas (try to say that 10 times fast), here are some good basic rules:

Use dental dams for oral sex.  If you don’t have a dental dam you can cut an external or internal condom down one side and open it up to lay against the vulva or anus.  You can even use saran wrap.

Use latex or non-latex disposable gloves when inserting fingers/hands/fists into vaginas/rectums.  Once the glove has been used in one vagina, do not use it for the other vagina.  You’re not just protecting your fingers from the vaginal discharge, you’re protecting each vagina from the other.  Keep the box on hand and use them liberally.  They’re cheap compared to an STI, I promise.  Additionally, once the glove has been used in an anus, it should never go back into any vagina.

Wash your hands and fingernails well before sex, even if gloves are going to be used.

Clean sex toys before use, and cover them in condoms during sex.  Each partner should get their own condom.  Again, I promise that condoms are cheaper than STIs.

Use lots of lube.  On the one hand, this is just for fun.  On the other hand, lube protects vaginal tissue, making it less likely to get a scrape or cut that leaves people open to infection.

Use internal (female) condoms as desired.  You can combine them with dental dams and gloves while giving oral sex that includes fingering/dildos/vibrators.

Read more here:

Safer sex for lesbiansSTD PreventionSafer Sex for Lesbians and Bisexual Women

I’ve made a list of what I believe are some of the best Trans youtubers

FTM (Female to Male)

Ty Turner

Skylarkeleven

Benton

Ryan Cassata

Stefan Barton

UppercaseCHASE1

EmQism

Leo Palacios (Spanish youtuber)

Tyince

ElectricDade

TheRealAlexBertie

Jake Edwards

Cayden Carter

Alionsfears

Nick Camryn

Kieran Moloney

Ftmtranstastic

MTF (Male To Female)

ZoeyZoco

Andrea Chrysnathe

Sarah-n-Dipity

Jesyka S.

Melanie Rye

Jessica Inadream

BeautyWithTrinity

Hello Glamorous

Queen Celine

Aurora Andrews

Stef Sanjati

Andrian Aliazas

Girl Rainbow

Gigigorgeous

PrincessJoules

Androgynous/ Non- Binary

Jaen Simone

Sebastian Simon

Ashley Mardell

Out of This Binary

Lane S.

Alittlespooky

Gavin Gender

ChandlerNWilson

Rolyungashaa (Roland)

Olivirtual

Wrappedupinabook (Summer)

Sebastian Columbine

Hope you guys can use and enjoy these! (Sorry if I missed any that you felt should be here) Also, always remember that you should only ever strive to be yourself and do what makes you comfortable, don’t live for the validation of others, just live as your whole, true self.