The Dyadtanic

Do you deny it, Lucasfilm? That you separated a young couple who loved each other, exposing Ben Solo to the censure of the galaxy for caprice, and Rey to its derision for disappointed hopes, and involving them both in misery of the acutest kind?

Lucasfilm: “No, I do not deny it.”

Me: HOW COULD YOU DO IT??!

Lucasfilm: Because I believed our star wars community indifferent.

Me: INDIFFERENT?!

Lucasfilm: I watched them most carefully and realized the anti’s attachment was deeper than the reylo’s.

ME: that’s because we’re SHY!!!

Lucasfilm: The anti community, too, is modest and was persuaded you didn’t feel strongly enough to be considered worthy of commercialism!

Me: Because you suggested it!!

Lucasfilm: I did it for our own good!!!

Me: My fandom shows it’s true feelings to me ALL THE TIME

Lucasfilm: *stares blankly* So this is your opinion. Thank you for explaining so fully. Perhaps these offenses might’ve been overlooked had not your PRIDE been hurt by mY HONESTY in admitting scruples about our relationship. Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your fandom?

Me: And those are the words of a gentleman?! From the first moment I met you, your arrogance and conceit, your selfish disdain for the feelings of others, made me realize that you were the last company in the world who could ever make its fandom happy!!

Lucasfilm: *lightning strikes* Forgive me, madam, for taking up so much of your time. *walks off and centers all future projects on content pleasing to star wars fanboys*

Stop! I command them to stop being so cute!!

*looks into the camera like he’s on the office*