Terror Of Knowing

I SWEAR HIS CHEEKBONES WERE SCULPTED AND CHISELED BY THE GREEK GODS

we all know ‘39 is about time dilation in relativity in space. this is also fine

guess which planet is 0.39 astronomical units from the sun?

1. Oh, I want to stay in bed all day and pretend to be a depressed cinnamon roll, please

Ok, it is the first time when I want that my art was seen by actors. If you can, I bless you for this.

The audacity! A coffee shop AU because I’ve always wanted to write one, and the Queen boys are just fantastic inspiration. Who else can you imagine lounging around a coffee shop together in cute AU form, after all? Slow-ish burn I think, because like all things, I am Winging This And Don’t Know What I’m Doing (despite the fact that I’ve been writing fanfiction on-off since 2014, and actually ran an Imagine blog on Tumblr in about 2014/2015). Anyway, onwards. Beta’d by mineself, so I die by my own sword. N.B: I have never worked in a coffee shop and know nothing about it, I’m terrible at this and I’m sorry. If I’ve made any serious mistakes that need rectifying, I’m begging you to message me. 

Young and inexperienced in the Summer of 1970, you take control of your Aunt’s beloved coffee shop in Camden. Initially terrified, you’re lucky to make friends with the incredibly chaotic owners of the store next door.

Of all the things you’d imagined doing after graduating from university, running your Aunt’s cafe in Camden wasn’t one of them. Having no children of her own, Rita had first proposed handing the cafe over to you one afternoon in your final year. She’d plied you with tea, coffee and and a mouth-watering selection of cakes, and as the sun had dipped in the horizon and you’d started to think about catching the bus back to campus, she’d sprung the question on you.

“I’m retiring next year…” She’d begun, keeping her voice as level and even as possible, but you’d caught suggestion in her voice and had frozen in your seat, unsure of what to say as she’d carried on. “What do you think about taking over Seven Seas?”

Seven Seas, the cafe she and your Uncle had bought after he was discharged from the Navy in 1943, had been her pride and joy. Your childhood smelled like coffee beans and freshly baked muffins, and was littered with faint memories of pressing your nose up against the display counter, fogging up the glass as you ogled the tarts and cakes, which were (for obvious reasons) forbidden. The death of your Uncle a year and a half ago had sucked the joy out of the cafe for her, and everyone had been able to tell her heart was no longer in it. The cafe hadn’t been hers, it had been theirs. They’d run it together, and when he’d passed away it hadn’t quite been the same. You weren’t surprised when she decided to retire and go back to her first passion - painting. You had been surprised to hear she’d wanted you to take her place, though.

Somehow (you really weren’t quite sure, at some point you needed to ask), the conversation had ended with you agreeing to take over ownership and management of Seven Seas after your graduation, which was how you now found yourself stepping back to admire the chalkboard sign you’d written on so carefully, propped up on the pavement outside your front window. It was early, the sky tinged with pink as the sun cast a weak glow around the street, and as you examined the chalkboard for any mistakes, you couldn’t help but shiver through your thin cardigan.

“Nice work.” You heard a familiar voice behind you and turned on the spot to see Jim approaching. He’d worked for your Aunt for years, and when you’d taken over ownership of the cafe you’d been eager to keep him on board as both a fountain of insider knowledge and a friendly face. He’d started working at the cafe during one of the summers you’d spent helping your Aunt as a waitress, and you’d both gotten on quite well. When you’d been named the new owner he’d been quick to phone you and congratulate you on the new position, and to assure you he had no plans to find a new job. Thankfully he’d been more than willing to hold your hand through the transition, including starting his shifts early so you didn’t have to prepare the cafe on your own in the mornings.

“It’s almost like I’m the boss, huh?” You joked nervously, stepping back a little to give the sign another once over. You’d only been in charge for three days, and this whole scenario was just a little daunting to you.

“Almost.” Jim shot you a warm smile, pushing open the door to the cafe and walking inside. You trailed behind, watching as he checked over the tables and the counter to make sure they were clean. It was an unconscious habit, one he probably wasn’t even aware of, but you remembered your Aunt gushing about his attention to detail when it came to working at the cafe, and you couldn’t help but smile. Of all of your new employees, Jim was certainly your favourite.

You both came to a stop by the counter, Jim watching you with warm, patient eyes as you squirmed uncomfortably. There was something you were forgetting, you could tell by his expression. A few moments of awkward silence passed, before you broke it with an exasperated sigh. “Okay, what is it?”

He couldn’t help but chuckle, shaking his head a little - more a sign of amusement than admonishment. “What day is it today?”

It took you longer than it should have to answer. “Wednesday.”

“And what needs to be done on a Wednesday morning?”

You ran through a mental checklist in your head. You’d cleaned all of the machines, you’d wiped down all the tables, swept the floors, put out the sign. All that was left was to start putting the cookie mixture, which had been prepared the night before, into the oven so that it could cook. You floundered, tapping your foot as you stalled for a second. “I…”

He took pity on you. “The order for the weekend needs to be placed. Your Aunt showed you where she keeps the order book right?”

Of course. You gave yourself a stern mental slap on the forehead for forgetting about the vital weekend order, which you’d been reminded about over and over again by your Aunt. The all-important delivery of ingredients, coffee beans and disposable cups was one that couldn’t be forgotten, which was why the necessary phone numbers and order details were kept in a bright red folder in the back office. “Yep, I know where everything is. Should I go start them now?”

“It was the first thing your Aunt used to do when I arrived,” Jim checked his watch. “But it wouldn’t hurt to make the calls a little early, I suppose. I’ll make sure things are straight out here and start bringing out the snacks, and by then the first of our early birds should start coming in.”

“Right.” You nodded along, trying not to look as overwhelmed as you felt. You’d had several months to prepare for these first few days, but it still didn’t feel like it was enough, and once again you were reminded of how lucky you were to have Jim helping you. Once you had the finances straight you were seriously considering giving him a raise.

On your way to the back office you stopped by the small kitchen to preheat the oven, ready for the first batches of cookies, and used the kettle to make yourself a cup of instant coffee. It felt a little perverse, having a quick and dirty cup of coffee when you were stood five feet from Colombian Dark Roast beans, but you really didn’t have the time to grind yourself a cup of the good stuff. Instant would suit you just find for now.

You’d settled into the office with your mug of steaming coffee in hand when you heard what you thought was the front door opening. It was a little early for customers, but you assumed that Jim would be more than capable of handling it, so set about looking for the red folder. Surprisingly, you heard him greet the newcomers.

“Morning. You two are early, aren’t you?”

“Heard about the change in management, didn’t we?”

Intrigued, you set your coffee down and poked your head out into the cafe to see who had walked in. Jim was stood by the counter, dusting it off before he began fetching the food to put behind the glass, but on the other side, leaning heavily against the marble, were two men you didn’t recognise. A man with auburn hair and high fringe was peering at your notice board of available coffee, while a blond wearing dark sunglasses eyed you up with a grin. “Morning.”

“Good morning,” you glanced at Jim, waiting for an introduction.

“John and Roger.” He explained, gesturing to them in turn as he said their names. The blond - Roger - pushed the dark sunglasses up onto the top of his head to look at you properly, the wide grin still on his lips.

“We’ve got the store next door.” John told you, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket. “Menswear.”

“Among other things.” Roger murmured, more to John than to you. You offered your name in response, explaining that you were Rita’s niece and you’d taken over after she’d decided to give up the Cafe.

“Pity.” Roger thumbed through some flyers that had been left on the counter top by a customer the afternoon before. “Your Aunt was bloody marvellous.”

“Best scones in London.” John agreed with a grim smile. “Shame to see them go, really.”

“I’ve got the recipe, you know.” You pointed out. “Scones are still on the menu here, last time I checked.”

“Yeah, but will they be the same?”

You tapped your nose with a wink. “Old family recipe.”

The secret ingredient wasn’t particularly special - just a little vanilla and lemon juice - but you were well aware of the popularity of the scones in Seven Seas, and didn’t intend to tarnish your Aunt’s reputation by serving subpar treats in her absence. You’d made sure to practice making them - along with most of her other most popular recipes - well in advance. She and Jim had both assured you that you were unlikely to get any complaints from the patrons.

It turned out that the boys had taken over management of the store next door only a few months ago. Roger was the co-owner with a third cohort you were yet to meet, and John had been hired when he’d wandered in looking rather forlorn and admitting he was pretty desperate for cash. There was a fourth member of the group that they mentioned briefly, but you never caught his name.

“We’ll be your most regular customers.” Roger assured you with a wink, drumming his fingers on the countertop. “We’re always in here.”

“That’s true.” Jim admitted, disappearing into the back room for a few seconds to grab the first tray of food for the display counter. John audibly groaned at the sight of the Victoria Sponge, and Rogers drumming stilled for a few moments.

“You can’t buy it.” Jim told them sternly, catching them watching him through the glass of the cabinet.

“Why not?” Roger asked, visibly offended.

“We aren’t open for customers yet. You two only get let in this early because Rita liked taking in strays.”

You didn’t recall your Aunt telling you about the young store owners from next door, but then again, you’d never even thought to ask about customers to look out for, and she’d probably never stopped to think about warning you of them. Either way, ‘strays’ seemed to be a suitable moniker for the two men who’d drifted in off the street and started practically salivating over your cake display.

They didn’t stay long after that. You made small talk for a few minutes, and they assured you they’d be returning after opening hours for coffee and cake, before they said their goodbyes and drifted back out of the cafe to open up their own store.

“Strays.” Jim reaffirmed, shaking his head despairingly. “All of them.”

“My Aunt liked them?”

“Oh God,” He laughed. “Rita loved them. Especially Freddie. They were always in here before opening, after closing. She’d save them slices of cake, make them cups of coffee, she damn near adopted them. I called them her ‘little orphans’ for a while, but Roger threatened to punch me if I kept it up.”

Little orphans.

So I decided to do this masterpost with videos and posts about some stories of Queen. It’s also very helpful to those who are joining the fandom now and still aren’t getting the jokes and also to make some people out there laugh and smile. Includes texts, videos and audios, there it goes:

Roger’s maracas (great sound maracas!!!!!)

Brian talking about Roger (he’s very attractive to women apparently)

John singing

Queen talks (the boys chatting)

Roger asking for a coffee (1 and 3/7?????)

Queen in Japan 1975 (press conference and tea ceremony)

Boys cursing (so funny)

Roger destroying his drum set 1974 

Brian and Roger talking about their holidays 

Brian and Roger’s car interview 1989 (girl flashing Roger story) 

Brian’s and Roger’s interview 1982 (where Rog tells Bri to shut up)

Roger vs Freddie singing 

Roger singing the back vocal to Get Down, Make Love (hot)

John Richard Deacon, born in August the 19th 1951 

Roger about Ice Ice Baby 

Brian talking about Roger’s audition to Smile

Roger about John 

Audio messages from Queen to fan club 1991 (tears)

Freddie’s soft voice talking to Delilah 

Queen on backstage Houston 1977 (Freddie’s outfit and Roger’s legs)

Great Pretender Making Of (Freddie and Roger as drags)

Queen’s rehearsal Live Aid 1985 

Freddie wanting to buy the Hungarian Parliament house

Queen sharing clothes

Messages from Queen in Japan 1975 (Roger being funny and adorable)

Queen in Japan 1975 tea ceremony (music playing) 

Roger’s cars

Smile, London in 1969

Roger’s falsettos in Lap of the Gods (amen)

Roger’s drum solo on Keep Yourself Alive (it does keep you alive)

Neh Neh Interview (Inverview of Queen first time in Korea and they look so confused aw)

Little band argumentation (outtake - so funny) 

Queen Hot Space Interview (German sound)

Queen in Rio 1985

Brian introducing Killer Queen at the Earl’s Court in 1977

Freddie playing drums and Roger playing the guitar

Roger’s interview 1988 (which I’m really excited about)

Freddie’s reaction at Roger being massaged in public

Freddie to Roger during various Queen concerts

Roger’s counting in followed by Deaky’s hearty deep bass

Stuck in the elevator story

Freddie’s 1984 interview (I sometimes forget them too)

Freddie’s interview 1985 (the bigger the better)

Roger’s interview 1977 (News of the World afterparty)

Queen doing playback 1974 (they clearly hating it)

Bohemian Rhapsody ending out take (Freddie sassy)

Roger smoking while drumming

Queen funny moments compilation (because why not, tho some of them are already in this list)

Never not reblog.

Never not reblog.

Never not reblog.

Never not reblog.

Never not reblog.