odessa darling

the emptiness in my stomach

the nausea of rejected lunch

that my body now does

a u t o m a t i c a l l y

no longer am i thankful for it 

but rather sad

as someone who spent years

tearing down the walls

and now the foundation

c r u m b l e s 

around me.

i try to feed it and it rejects.

i try to build and it falls again.

day after day of fixing

what i've done before

is purely exhausting.

the hunger doesn't feel

if I spent half as much time

building myself up

as breaking myself down

what would i have to show for it?

instead of years of scars

acid-worn teeth and overdyed hair

would i stand tall

clear headed and unafraid?

if the people who hurt me, hadn't

or i hadn’t internalized it all

would I be any different