In the middle of writing my fic and just, I'm so baffled by the intricacy of this novel. All my respect to the author at just how detailed, ironic and yet deeply tragic KRS's very existence is.
Everyone that KRS has ever dared to love ended up dead or a fate worse than death. We have implicit confirmation that he began distancing himself from his team after LSH & CJS deaths. But I keep thinking back to him throughout the years (a little kid, teenage, young adult etc.) always grieving then daring to be happy only to have it shot down over and over again.
His parents passed away? His uncle takes him, only to abuse him.
He ends up at an orphanage? Sure he doesn't have friends but he's earning money and will go to college. Cataclysm happens.
He's stuck under debris for ages. But then he meets our movie star LSH, right? Wrong, LSH goes off to save other people, KRS gets bullied by PJT, the shelters collapse and he loses everyone. It's just this never ending cycle of tragedy over and over again.
At some point, during the early chapters, KRS commends Raon for not giving up despite all his pain. KRS lowkey detests himself having given up early on living a happy life. Still his heart wavers and yearns for companionship simply because that's a fundamental part of being human.
Every single time, he has to gather the courage to be hurt again. I'm thinking now, forget his OG world, in his current one too-- whenever KRS!Cale brings in another person into his family, he's subconsciously bracing himself to lose them. It's ironic that he thinks he stopped fighting back fate, when in reality, all his meticulous preparations, his scheming and his self-sabotage of his slacker life-- are all proof that KRS is not willing to lose these people. The OG!Cale's future is KRS's worst nightmare.
Every single time he brings another member into his family, KRS is silently saying-- I know this opens me up to hurt, for I've lost more people than I've ever had, but still regardless, I want you. I love you. I care for you.
All of this, in retrospect to the reveal about the WS' influence on KRS' life, makes this so much more tragic. The WS looked down on the importance human connection/companionship, considering it useless to the path of godhood. KRS embodies that importance, despite steeling his heart, he continues to care. He's our snarky self-sacrificial middle-aged twink, who finally gained a family willing to literally fistfight god for him. And you know, you know that if the WS stupid curse didn't parasite onto KRS's life, then you know from the Sealed God Test that he'd have had that family too in another life, in another world.
Just going on this rant gives me the heebie jeebies about writing my fic, purely because I keep wondering about how the hell I am ever going to give this man justice with my amateur writing. Sir, respectfully, I know you hate this question but, are you human?
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