&  *  adam  (  @hooklineandtwistedâ  )
âWhat the hell makes you think weâre anything special, Ronan?â Adam swallowed. âWhat makes you think that we have to have this all figured out and stick to a plan before we even get there?âÂ
He grabbed the other boyâs hand and touched around the torn skin. âThereâs always a chance this doesnât work, but are we going to throw it away because youâre afraid one day Iâll wake up and want to run?â
He bit his lip. âLet me choose you.â He knew Ronan wouldnât answer the question directly. âGod damn, you. Please let me choose this.âÂ
He pulled him closer. âMaybe itâll work and weâll be horribly domestic and hate ourselves, but be so damn happy Gansey will do that thing where he just smiles at us and Blue will say she hates visiting, but secretly sheâll love the way you make pancakes and I steal batter from the bowl.â
Adam took a breath in deep enough that his chest rose. âAnd maybe it wonât work. Maybe youâll decide Iâm like my dad and maybe Iâll feel trapped and weâll be destructive and toxic and this whole thing will crash and burn.â
Another tug and they were chest to chest and Adam laid his hand on the side of Ronanâs face and rubbed his cheek with his thumb. âBut maybe it wonât. Thatâs my dream, Ronan. Everything else is semantics. I can make the other things fit this dream, but I canât make any of those dreams feel worth it if youâre not a part of them.â
because a plan is what ronan wanted. because there was nothing in ronanâs life that ever went according to plan & goddamn it, he wanted a plan. this once. to be able to have it all figured out where heâs not sitting at home wondering if adam will come home. if adam met someone else. if adam got bored. IF ADAM. all he wanted was adam parrish & he rather push him away now then get too deep where heâd just let his demons drown him.
but he didnât answer. adam wanted this. so heâd keep his worries to himself --- though he knew sooner than later theyâd come out in awful dreams. heâd keep himself up. sleep when adam was away or when ronan was inside the barns where it was safe. where he could contain them.
â  fine.  â that was all he said, wincing slightly to warmth over the fresh wounds. this would stop the fight. stop the pain. for a moment. ronan could hide this, couldnât he ? it was his doubt. his fears. parrish didnât need to get dragged into this.
now they were chest to chest, the anger turning into sorrow, lining his eyes with tears. he wouldnât let himself cry again. so he screwed his eyes shut & willed them away.
â  fine  â he repeated, chest rising & falling with the sigh heâs exhaled.
instinctively, the dreamer turned his face into the magicianâs hand, clenching his jaw & releasing it, trying to ease his body to relax. again. â  fine.  â