I’m still learning to love myself. It’s hard when, “You’re not good enough,” is all you’ve ever known.
tara love (via ink-and-oceans)
KIROKAZE
occasionally subtle
almost home
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

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DEAR READER
we're not kids anymore.
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@dark-shadows-dancing
I’m still learning to love myself. It’s hard when, “You’re not good enough,” is all you’ve ever known.
tara love (via ink-and-oceans)

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Does anyone else ever stay up on the computer at night even though you’re dead tired because if you go to bed, next thing you know it will be morning, and the thought of waking up to another whole day ahead of you is freaking unbearable…
I really want to sleep, but can’t stand the thought of having to wake up tomorrow…
One day I want to open a house that anyone can come and stay at if they need a place to be safe and feel at home. Sometimes tumblr makes me sad because I see so many people having a rough time of it… so many people who feel alone, who are abused, or who feel unsafe, or who are being bullied, or rejected, or are just struggling with all the shit life throws at them. And I wish I could reach out and help them - bring them home with me and give them hot cocoa and keep them safe and loved until they start to feel okay again. I wanna open a home where anyone could come stay if they wanted to for free - no matter what they are struggling with, no matter who they are - and just be home and feel safe. I’d fill it with dogs and cats to cuddle, and soft pillows and big blankets to snuggle in, and hot tea to warm you up inside, and soft lighting and gentle music and a bunch of other people just like you all dealing with their own stuff. And it’d just be a revolving door of people who’ve been through shit helping people who are currently dealing with shit and people currently dealing with shit helping people who’ve gone through shit and we could all just be kind to each other and help each other patch up our broken battered hearts and just maybe help each other find our way through this thing they call life.
4:46am
I can’t sleep. I’m restless and on edge and really fucking depressed. I was having a good day and was productive and useful and then suddenly my mood just plummeted straight down into this bottomless pit. I feel really really alone. There’s no light at the end of this tunnel. I don’t want to exist. No one gives a shit if I do or don’t anyway. Why keep trying…
I want to blow off everything and stay home tomorrow. Part of me says it doesn't matter if I don't show up for work anyway since I'm gonna kill myself. But part of me worries I will chicken out of killing myself, and if that happens, I'm gonna need this job to keep my apartment until next time I'm brave enough to try.

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Tonight I accidentally brought up the topic of suicide with my friends but at least no one realized it was because it had been on my mind all day.
if you defend my abuser, you don’t love me

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"Family" is just a collective term for the people who fuck you up the most.
My head feels like that scene in movies where someone wakes up in a strange dark room and they find themselves chained up and locked in so they panic and start to scream and cry for help. But then the camera zooms out and shows that they’re buried deep under the ground of a busy street with no hope of ever being heard or rescued. So they just keep screaming. That’s my head every day… the busy numbing street of life bustling away on the surface while deep inside someone is screaming and screaming and screaming…
I’m not the friend someone has for a lifetime. I’m like the pet goldfish that’s exiting for a week and never gets fed again. I pass through friend groups like water; hoping for a net. Somewhere. To catch me. I have people sit me down, to tell me they love me. That I’m a good person, but I “deserve better” Then they leave. Then I stare at them from my little fishbowl. they laugh, they cry, with each other. And here I am swimming in circles. Just hoping for someone anyone to feed me. But let me ask you this: if I “deserve better” why can’t I ever ever seem to find it?
Shadow’s thoughts at 1:58 AM (via imjustbec)
I get loud and talk a lot when I’m trying hard not to think about killing myself.

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Me: Hide your anxiety, depression, and eating disorder from everyone. They cannot know you are suffering.
Also me: Why hasn’t anyone noticed my mental health is rapidly deteriorating? I just wish someone would notice my suffering.
My lyrics