Mr. Write

Appreciation post for my kuya Jerems!

He's my very first mentor at church. Taught me it's okay to be the youngest and the most inexperienced person in the room; one of the best listeners I know.

We've known each other since we were teenagers and now he's thinking about proposing to her girlfriend. I was so happy when he told me I almost teared up.

I'm so proud of the man of God he has become.

I WENT TO A ROOFTOP RESTO-BAR!

No, this isn’t a relapse about my past breakup or missing my friends.

This is to celebrate three months of having met truly amazing people — 2 outstanding trainers, 3 brilliant mentors, and about 20 incredible trainees, also known as CAP-UK Wave 53.3… or as I like to call it, Harvey and his favorites. ^_______^

I’ve been in multiple companies over the past 7 years, and I’ve met a lot of people — but nothing compares to the team I found in Amazon.

Huge shoutout to our trainers, Harvey and Red — YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST, and nobody can tell me otherwise. We didn’t just get great trainers in them, we found friends we could laugh with and build great memories with.

Graduation Day - WE MADE IT!

As we said goodbye to our trainers, we had a team building that turned out really well. We surprised Harvey with an advance birthday cake—we had so much fun. Each person took turn getting up on a small platform and shared a heartfelt message about the team. We also received some gifts from our mentors and from Harvey.

Anyway, the reason we went out is because today marks the end of our initial contract. Starting next week, we’ll all have different shifts, so we probably won’t be able to hang out as much anymore.

This also became a sort of farewell party for Ate Kat and Ate Lexy since their contracts didn’t get extended. Sadly, neither of them made it — Ate Lexy got sick, and Ate Kat… gave birth.

YES. We now have a Wave 53.3 baby — her name is Azalea. 🌸

We definitely didn’t expect that. She wasn’t due for a few more months, but I guess her little girl couldn’t wait any longer.

I truly believe Ate Lexy and Ate Kat will find better opportunities — ones that align with their goals and help them grow even more in their careers.

My wavemates are all amazing, but I found my inner circle:

Ja (the level-headed one),

Biang (the always late maka pick up),

Makk (the one whose locker looks like a grocery store),

Jay (laging nakikipagpuksaan kahit kanino),

Gab (the entrepreneur),

Jen (the traveler),

and Ate Kat (the mommy).

Ayan na — baka sabihin niyo wala kayong shoutout. 😆

These people became my home at work.

They listen to my rants about abusive customers.

They sit with me during lunch.

They wait for me when I have long contacts and need to extend for a few minutes.

They share their food — especially our chicha provider, Makk.

And after everything, we still sit and drink coffee together as if 9 hours a day, 5 times a week, isn’t enough yet. Lol.

I’ve received a lot of tight hugs these past few weeks.

I’ve been attending Revival Nights, and I’ve been seeing a lot of my friends from church again. Each week, different people hug me tightly—as if they haven’t seen me in months.

Oh wait… they haven’t.

To say the least, I’ve cried. A lot. I missed them so much.

One of my closest friends, Prince, hugged me for almost ten minutes, just repeating, “Balik ka na.” Another dear friend, my ate Cindy, held me for a while and said, “I am so happy to see you again.”

Not a lot of words—but they meant the world to me.

A lot of the youth from the cluster I used to lead couldn’t believe they were seeing me in the flesh.

I felt loved.

And a huge part of me wants to go back—back to how everything used to be.

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve been a church volunteer for almost a decade. It’s safe to say my world revolved around this for most of my youth.

This is where I met the girl I shared so many firsts with. This is where I found people who matched—if not exceeded—my level of quirkiness. This is where I built the principles I’ll carry for the rest of my life.

A lot of character building. A lot of crying. A lot of doing life together.

But.

I don’t think I can step into the next chapter of my life by looking back—much less by going back.

I have to do this next part alone.

No matter how lonely. No matter how terrified I may feel.

I’m pressing on.

This time—alone.

It’s been half a year since I last stepped into this sanctuary. I arrived not a minute too soon—right on the dot—so I wouldn’t have to engage in any small talk.

I saw some familiar faces, like kuya Mark, one of my close friends back when I was still in the ministry. Apparently, it’s his birthday. I gave him a really tight hug and, when I got home, sent him a birthday greeting.

He said he was very happy to see me again.

I’m also glad to have seen some of my friends from back then. But after the service, I picked up my bag and went straight home, trying to avoid being seen by more people.

Sa totoo lang, namimiss ko na silang lahat.

But I don’t know how I’d interact with all of them—especially C5—without bursting into tears.

Welp. Whatever happens, I’m just here to continue following God’s leading.

Let’s continue to walk with God.

12.11.25

Have you ever celebrated a birthday at a cemetery?

Last Friday, I visited my good friend Fabs. Our birthdays are one week apart, and I wanted to bring him a cake.

Photo taken some time in 2018, Painapple

We lost Fabs when we were just 17 — cardiac arrest, DOA.

Honestly, I think I went there partly for selfish reasons. Of course, I miss my friend. But I also needed somewhere to unload the heaviness I’ve been carrying for most of the year. I’ve lost so much lately. I’ve been isolating myself because—how does that Goo Goo Dolls song go again?

I don’t want the world to see me,

’cause I don’t think that they’d understand.

Fabs didn’t really have a choice but to listen to my drama.

I stayed until it got dark, then decided to head to the gym. But when I was almost there, I realized I’d left my glasses on Fabs’ grave. I only noticed because the U-turn slot suddenly looked… blurry.

So I had no choice but to go back.

Good thing the security guard still let me in, even though the cemetery was already closed.

Here’s the funny part: there were no lights where the graves were, my phone was at 3%, and I couldn’t use the flashlight. On top of that, I don’t know the exact location of his grave by heart. So there I was—walking around, reading tombstone after tombstone, desperately trying to find it before my phone died.

Five minutes later, another guard showed up with a small but incredibly bright flashlight. We eventually found the grave. And my glasses.

In my head, I imagined Fabs laughing, saying,

“Serves you right for not visiting more often.”

After that, there was no time left for the gym, so I went straight home for my remote work.

Candles in cemeteries are usually about death. This one was about life.

12.07.25

If you read my previous entry, you’d know I recently signed up for a gym membership. Quick update: I’m now on my second month—and this is the most consistent I’ve ever been. Hindi ka ba proud sa ’kin? HAHA.

For years, I kept falling into the hype of New Year’s resolutions. You know the drill—January comes with all the motivation, then by March, the streak dies and the magic fades. Back to old habits.

So this time, I’m doing something different. I’m not waiting for January. I’m giving myself a two-month head start.

I started going to the gym at the beginning of November, and after five weeks, I’m finally seeing small but real changes. Not just physically—I feel healthier overall. My mood’s better, my strength’s improving, and I’ve paired my workouts with proper sleep (7–9 hours!) and slightly healthier food choices (less coffee, more milk—progress is progress).

Malayo pa, at malayo pa talaga HAHA

Nakakapanibago, no? Normally, I write about the bad and the ugly. But today, I’m writing about progress. I’m writing about healing.

See you next year—and I can’t wait to meet a healthier, wiser, and happier Ian in 2026.

In the wise words of some Facebook influencer:

“Don’t stop hangga’t ’di ka pa masarap.” LOL.

Ps. Here's the goal:

Soooo… if you don’t know yet, I officially have an ex-girlfriend.

Phew. I really thought I’d be one of those guys who would have a one and done.

But it looks like the universe had other plans.

If you’re wondering how I’m coping, well…

I didn’t drink — I can tell you that. (Or not yet, lol.)

It’s been 12 days, but who’s counting?

And yes, maybe there are days when I have Lie Lie Lie by Joshua Bassett on loop.

But sometimes, it’s really Kahel na Langit by Maki that says it all.

Oh and don't even get me started with The Juans' songs. They were right — all the songs start to make sense when you’re the one living them.

I could bore you with the details of why the relationship had to end, but I’ll spare you the drama.

The important thing is… right now, I’ve been focusing on myself.

I recently bought some new clothes — BUT I’M STILL HAVING A HARD TIME THROWING AWAY MY OLD ONES.

I also got a new pair of glasses. The grade on my right eye went up, so it kinda made sense.

But yeah, I now have a pair and a spare — one for casual days and another for when I want to look more important, lol.

I also signed up for a gym membership — AND BOY, WAS IT EXPENSIVE.

Today’s my 4th day in a row, and EVERYTHING HURTS — not just emotionally this time.

But I’m serious about this. I need to be healthier, and I want to be stronger — physically and otherwise.

So if you want to know how I’m doing… I don’t really have an answer to that.

But here’s the question I keep asking myself:

Ian, why waste a breakup?

Have you ever felt so grateful for friends that God sends just when you need them most?

Earlier this week, a couple of my high school friends — Rica and Paulo — invited me for a coffee catch-up.

I accepted the invite and met with them yesterday.

One of them, Rica, shared how she’s gone hiking more than five times this year (if memory serves me right). Now, Rica sings and dances, but I never really pictured her as someone who would climb mountains for fun. Turns out, it was her work friends who influenced her.

She said it’s been therapeutic — like a soul-searching kind of thing. I know she’s been going through a lot lately, though she hasn’t shared the details yet. I do pray she figures it out soon.

Something about her reflections while hiking caught my attention. She mentioned how Jesus would often go to a secluded place to pray and commune with the Father.

It made me think — sometimes you choose to be alone, not because you want to push everyone out, but because you want to let God in.

After her story, I also shared some personal things I’ve been going through — how I’ve been feeling about losing people in my life, and how I’ve been praying for a new community where I can grow as a person and as a follower of God.

After hearing both our stories, Paulo offered to pray for us. One thing that stuck with me from his prayer was how even Jesus felt and experienced being alone when He was carrying the cross. That made me feel seen. It reminded me that even God Himself experienced betrayal and being left behind. He knows exactly what it feels like to be broken as a man.

Of course, Paulo also shared what he’s been up to lately. He’s been flourishing in both his faith and his career.

I’m just so grateful for these two. We don’t see each other often, but the bond we share is rare — something I don’t have with a lot of people.

Grateful for friends who listen. Grateful for the wisdom that even God knows what it feels like to be alone. Grateful for the revelation that sometimes we have to be intentionally alone — so God can speak to us without distractions.

If you're following this blog — which, honestly, nobody really does — you might’ve seen my last entry about Sampaguita.

I wrote it full of hope and determination that before the year ends, I’d finally enroll myself for the next school year, if not the next semester.

It’s been about a month since that post, and boy, have the last few weeks been showing me how big my giant is. You guessed it — we’re in a financial crisis again. And just like it’s been for the past five years, I could resolve it... if I decide to sacrifice my dream.

The Sampaguita has dried out. I don’t really know what to do.

09.19.25

Earlier this week, I decided to go back to CvSU-Indang and DLSU-D. First, to ask CvSU when and how I can start my transfer process, and second, to ask DLSU-D how much I still owe from my tuition fee back in 2019 when I was studying there.

Apparently, the window for enrollment will be somewhere around December and January, but I can start gathering the requirements as soon as possible. Also, I need to settle a big amount of money to get my transfer credentials.

I know I’ve written so much about my desire to go back to school in my previous entries here, but trust me, this one’s not as much of a sob story as the others—well, maybe it still is, but just keep reading.

I asked Accounting if there was any way to lower my bill since I enrolled during the pandemic and we didn’t really get to use the school facilities because of online learning. As you may have guessed, they said no. So I walked out of that building feeling a little defeated because I just don’t have the money to pay for my tuition fee balance.

As I stepped outside, I was greeted by rain—it had already been pouring since I arrived. So picture a young adult, soaking wet, looking a little desperate—that was me. I waited for a few minutes for the rain to die down before deciding to leave.

I thought about dropping by the church to see my girlfriend and maybe ask her to eat out, but I figured she might be busy because there was an ongoing conference and she was one of the speakers and organizers. So I decided to just go straight to work. It was a Tuesday and I had to report to the office in Metro Manila.

The bus I rode to Makati stopped at One Ayala, so I still had to walk another half hour to get to the office. On my way there, I was walking along a footbridge and saw a kid—maybe a freshman student—selling Arabian Jasmine. This is probably the first time you’ve heard it called that; sorry, I was just messing with you. Here in the Philippines, we call it Sampaguita.

He was wearing a school uniform and ID; I think he even had his school backpack. He said he was selling it for 50php (about a dollar), so I gave him 100php and bought some. He was going to hand me everything, but I only took some because I really didn’t have any use for all of it.

It smelled really good. I resumed my walk and took a photo when I reached my destination.

Naisip ko, siguro wala siyang baon sa school o kahit pamasahe man lang kaya kailangan niyang magbenta ng bulaklak sa gabi pagkagaling niya sa school para makapasok siya ulit kinabukasan. Hindi ko na tinanong kasi ayokong makaabala sa pagbebenta niya. Gabi na nung mga oras na ’yon at baka kailangan niya pang maubos yung binebenta niya. Naantig ako. Ikaw ba naman, after 5 years, galing ka sa dalawang university, trying to put your life back on track, sumuong sa ulan at hindi sigurado kung paano matutupad yung plano mong makapag-enroll next sem… it just really hit home.

But there are kids like him who persevere and won’t give up without a fight. And I know I can be one too.

Before I end, aside from being declared the national flower in 1934 by Governor-General Frank Murphy, do you know anything else about the history of Sampaguita?

According to my research, the word “Sampaguita” came from the Tagalog words sumpa kita, which in English translates to “I promise you.” Over time, through oral use, it evolved into sampagita. The Spanish colonizers adopted it and spread the spelling “sampaguita.”

Honestly, it made me cry when I learned this. It reminded me of God’s promise to me in Proverbs 21:21:

The lovers of God who chase after righteousness will find all their dreams come true: an abundant life drenched with favor and a fountain that overflows with satisfaction.

Whenever I feel lost or broken, I come back to this verse to remember that God’s plan is good—that He’s not done yet. He’s the God of the covenant. He is faithful, and He will fulfill all of His promises.

It's been a minute, kumusta?

I can't believe I'm back to blogging. One of the main reasons I didn’t write here for a while was because I kept convincing myself that I’d write more entries about my LM experience up until graduation.

But here we are now. LM was months ago already. To be honest, the past few months have been quite a lot, and reading back on these blog entries, I realize that most of the things I write here are either depressing or just failed attempts at being inspirational.

So, how’s life recently?

Well, I ended an 8-year relationship. I was in huge debt, and my mom’s in jail. So, pretty good, lmao. Yes, it was heavy. I don’t wanna put too much detail here, but I’m coping. I’ve been healing. In fact, I’ve started taking steps to be a little closer to my family. We brought back our weekly devos, and I even got Aryan (my sister) and Kurt (my brother) new phones. They’re not exactly expensive, but at least they’re brand new and much better than the ones they used to have that either wouldn’t charge or had ghost touches.

This may sound corny, but I’m actually doing a lot of soul-searching. And yes, that includes doomscrolling and sleeping all day every day just to let the time pass by.

I miss my friends, but it seems like they also have a lot going on and they don't miss me enough to sit down for coffee yet. So, right now, I’m just focusing on other things that matter to me.

My job is a blessing, and I really hope and pray that God allows me to get a regular spot so I can have not only a job that pays well but also an environment that truly cares for its employees.

Overall, I think I’ll be fine. What did that Ben&Ben song say again?

Leaves will soon fall from the bareness of trees, and all will be alright in time. 🌿

05.10.25

It’s Picture Day!

They gave us our LIFE shirt last night in preparation for today’s photoshoot. I always feel a bit awkward in front of cameras—but meh, it is what it is. 😅

Also, I got a haircut today! It was my first time leaving the church/Bethel after being here for 7 days straight.

05.09.25

In one of our discussions, Pas. Joan answered a question by saying, “Don’t stir fire where there is no fire.” I think this is a great reminder for us to choose our battles and focus our energy on things that truly matter—things that make a difference in God’s kingdom.

BY THE WAY! I got to hold a very expensive camera today! [photo below] I have no idea what it’s called or what model it is, but for a moment, it felt like I was one of the backstage heroes of the church—those who passionately do their part to ensure that every churchgoer experiences an excellent and distraction-free Sunday service.

Salute to these people. I pray that God continues to bless them and their teams.

05.08.25

Let’s talk about involving the next generation. I was really looking forward to this lesson ever since I saw the list of topics that LIFE Movers would cover. I belong to the youth ministry, and the youth have a very special place in my heart.

Through this subject, I learned so much—not just about my fellow Gen Zs, but also about the generations before us. Pas. Jay said, “Each generation believes it is more intelligent than the one before it, and wiser than the one that follows.” We have so many differences and preferences, but the best leaders know how to adjust and be the kind of leader that every situation requires.

Another highlight of the day was the 60th show of Underpass, a theatrical play about drug awareness.

As the play ended, Paul—the lead character—delivered a very powerful line:

“Kung kasalukuyan ka mang dumaraan ngayon sa underpass ng buhay mo, daanan mo lang, 'wag mong tambayan.”

I think that’s a great wake-up call for our generation: to finally stand up and see the bright future waiting at the end of our life’s underpass.

There is a light. Sometimes, we just need to look up to see it.

05.07.25

Today’s takeaway really cuts deep. In one of our sessions, Sis. Mei said that the highest compliment you can give to those you lead is to demand the best from them. Kapag hindi ka nag-demand ng best sa kanya, hindi siya gagaling. Once you stop challenging someone to do more, you’ve stopped believing in them. And you’ve effectively stunted their ability to grow in their gifts and God-given calling.

She also shared a quote which, according to my research, she posted on Facebook five years ago with the initials “SF.” I think this quote may be from Ps. Steven Furtick:

“Don’t apologize for expecting excellence. God deserves it, and people are capable of it. Call it out!”

I think that’s the most profound statement I’ve come across in this training so far. For a while now, I’ve been thinking about how I can level up my leadership once I return to my normal day-to-day ministry. Today, I realized that I won’t level up alone—my whole team has to level up with me.

If I can be honest, alam kong marami akong inconsistency sa mga responsibility ko. And that’s probably why the Team Leaders under me are inconsistent too. But I pray that after this training, I will have more focus and a clearer vision for my team.

Sabay-sabay tayong lalago.

05.06.25

What’s up? It’s Day 2! Today, Pas. Ronald asked some of us (including me) to choose the item that best represents us. He gave us three options:

Unplugged

Partially Engaged

Fully Engaged

Then, we had to rate ourselves from 1 to 10.

To answer the question, here’s what I said:

“I am Fully Engaged, and with all humility, gusto ko po sanang i-rate ng 10 ang sarili ko. This is because I know that I always give my very best to the Lord. And sometimes, my 10 looks like a 7, or a 4, or even a 2—but it’s still a 10 because I gave my best. But if we’re talking about how equipped and how strong my leadership is, I’d say it’s a 7.”

I’m so glad I had the opportunity to answer this question because it allowed me to share a short and sweet encouragement with my batch-mates and co-leaders. I intend to participate more in the upcoming classes, and I’m genuinely excited for what’s ahead.

Oh, and by the way, I tried Persion's sauna again after SOOO long.

05.05.25

As promised, I’m writing about my daily experience and lessons from LIFE Movers. It’s impossible to capture every lesson each day, so I’ve decided to share just one key takeaway per day.

What really struck me today was when Pas. MJ talked about Urban Evangelism.

“The harvest is the hardest,” he said.

Oo, ang hirap mag-araro, ang hirap magtanim, at ang hirap magpatubo—but the harvest? ‘Yon ang pinakamatrabaho.

Harvest time demands more focus and manpower. You’ll be busier. You need to think on your feet. Mas gigising ka nang maaga. Kailangan mong magsakripisyo. Otherwise, the harvest will rot.

How much of the harvest is just waiting to spoil while you’re sitting around with your sickle and basket?

Today, I was reminded to stop sitting idle. There is a BIG harvest waiting.