DaraVeda

The last two weeks have been wonderful.  I spent time with my family and friends who I love very much; I enjoyed time in my kitchen making well prepared, nourishing meals.  I exercised, I took baths, I did yoga, I danced, I laughed, I didn’t set any alarms, I made my own schedule, I really enjoyed life--as one would over a vacation.  

When I woke up this morning, I was sad.  As I laid in bed and tried to put my finger on what exactly was giving me such a heavy heart, I figured it was probably because vacation would be coming to a close after today.  But it was SUCH a great vacation, I shouldn’t feel sad.  There is so much to look forward to in the upcoming months, I shouldn’t feel upset about welcoming a new day.  What was really getting at me?  

The honest truth is, teaching, as a profession, gets at me.  There are plenty of perks to being a school teacher.  I am so grateful and feel so honored to have the privilege of being a part of the lives of so many people, especially young people. However, for the last couple of years I have, despite my best efforts, felt a sad nagging pit in the bottom of my gut that says its no longer (if it was ever), for me.

Because this isn’t the first time this reality has slapped me in the face, I have begun to collect other ideas and ambitions, in order to set forth on my exit plan from classroom teaching.  To help quell my sadness this morning, I brewed a cup of tea, and cozied up with my laptop to search for all of the opportunities that wait for me outside of classroom teaching.  It took about two Google searches before I had landed on the website of a college in Massachusetts, that offered a major I wish I would have known I would have wanted to do when I had to choose a college 10 years ago.  10 years, ugh.  I sat feeling sorry for myself for a little bit, until Shaun came out and reminded me that a.) the major probably didn’t exist 10 years ago and b.) how could I have ever known at age 18 that, that is what I would want to do with my life? ---this is one of many reasons why Shaun is such a great catch: he brings me back to Earth.  

He was right, how could I have possibly known?  How does anyone know what they want to do for the rest of their lives at age 18?  One of my bigger gripes with the education system today is that kids….KIDS….are forced to make major life decisions at age 18 without little to no major life experience. 

But darn-it-all, it is our job to ensure that they are career and college ready by the time they walk across that stage!  Whenever I hear anyone say the phrase “career and college ready” it makes me want to slam a door and shout “READY FOR WHAT??”  Because you know what happens to kids who go to college these days?  They leave school burdened by thousands of dollars of debt, with little to no job prospects in their field.  They are underpaid and overworked, but by golly they went to college!  

I was one of those kids.  I did everything right all throughout school.  I graduated very near to the top of my class in high-school.  I graduated Magna Cum Laude from undergraduate, and with 4.0 from graduate school.  When I say that I did everything right and perfect, I did everything right and perfect.  I had been preened and primed and was ready to go out and make a difference in the world!  I had mastered college and was now career ready.

But the careers were not ready for me.  I wanted to stay in Western New York, which limited my career options in a teacher saturated market.  I knew that I was choosing family over career, and if I had to do that decision over, I would not.  I love my family and love living near them.  

Fortunately, within months of graduating from college I landed a “long-term sub” position at the school where I had done my student teaching.  My first real job, hooray!  I was ecstatic--I was on my way to making a difference.

Now to go on and outline all that has happened since my first day in first grade 5 years ago to this point would require a whole other series of posts (maybe even a book).  Long story short, the last 6 years have been tumultuous.  I have taught a different grade every year for the last 6 years.  I have been laid off with no job prospects until days before the start of school.  I have sobbed and made sick over the heartbreak that is the ups and downs of being a new teacher in today’s education system.  I know that I am not alone.  I know several other highly-qualified, wonderful teachers that could tell you the same story, or write the same book.  This is just how it is, it could be a lot worse, but it could also be a lot better.  I try to never lose sight of the fact that every circumstance brings a new lesson or insight, and without these experiences I wouldn’t be the person I am today.  For that, I am grateful.  

So anyways, I am burnt out.  Living in a constant state of striving for perfection my entire life has burnt me out, and that makes me sad.  I know that 27 is still young.  But I feel as though all of my life’s work to this point has been put into being a teacher, and it no longer feels like a good fit.  I surrender to the notion that I will never be a Julie Andrews-esque type of educator.  I think crafts are a waste of paper (gasp).  I think that most programs being forced onto teachers and students were only meant to make money and are mostly malarkey.  

The things that matter most to me in regards to educating children have nothing to do with the Common Core.

I’m not talking “Career and College Ready.”  I’m talking Life Ready.

The careers today’s students will hold as adults have most likely not even yet been created.  How do you prepare a student for that?  You give them the right tools.  Tools that make them good, thoughtful, empathetic, caring, hard-working, persevering, brave, human beings.  Forcing a child to become a perfect test taker is in my opinion the worst thing you can do to them.  In what career will “test taking” be a required skill?  I know that I am not the first person to point this out, but it is true.  Students need to be encouraged to think freely, to take risks in their learning, to have time to wonder, to explore, to question in a real, meaningful, authentic way.  They need time.  They need time to grow, and develop, and read, and master skills before moving onto something more complex.  They need to be loved and they require (a lot of) patience.  No one child is going to fit through the same mold just because the government wants data that indicates improvement.  Every child is a unique and special gift, and should be treated as such.  When we are given directives to act as if they are anything less it hurts us (because we inherently know that is not good) and it especially hurts them.  

Year after year, I struggle to learn a new curriculum to teach my students.  It is incredibly difficult to be a new teacher every single year.  However, I do my best to ensure that they learn and love to read and write (because in my opinion this is the single most important skill), that they master the foundations of math, and have a sense of wonder and desire to learn about the world around them.  Most importantly, I try to instill in them the importance of being a good human being.  I could care less if they go to college.  Plenty of people have gone out into the world and made a major difference without a college degree.  A good head, and a good heart is all you need.  

So Arne Duncan, go pick on someone else.