
if i look back, i am lost
Claire Keane

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@danniedarko32

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Is it really self harm still if it stops the pain?

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apparently the correct response to oh no doctor who is over isn't "woagh i can't wait for the tv twovie 😍"
The problem with Persistent Depression Disorder (PDD) or Treatment Resistant Depression (TRD) Is that when you are at a functional peak or high point, you can see the inevitable soul crushing low that awaits you. And, like the downward pull of a rollercoaster you can feel its weight and its anticipation to welcome you back.
There's no warmth, no comfort in what awaits you. But there is a familiarity in the cold and dark that you find yourself accelerating towards.
We are taught that depression is never "inevitable". But when there's no-one else to hold onto and it whispers so sweetly that "it won't hurt you this time". It is as promised as the setting sun.
I'm losing my leverage, all of the evidence
That I'm not just a fraud
Too deep in my head again, won't let nobody in
No matter how hard they knock
And their echoes sit alone in a prison made of bone
Oh, I hate it, but it's home for me
In every place I'm on my toes, and still I feel like I impose
It's okay to let me go if you need
What's it say about me if I run away
Without you when I fall asleep
And in your head I'm always gonna stay?
If I can keep you from falling to pieces,
I'd be saving my self in the process.
And we'll collapse every word til we're speechless
Because you'll soon that words are worthless now.

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Once again, I must remember my place in the world.
My tongue feels heavy in my mouth, thick with unspoken words that I will forget in the morning.
Realising how close you were to actual happiness 14 years too late is a lesson I never thought I'd have to learn. Knowing that there was nothing I could have changed I will carry with me always.
him 💞✨🥺
La Dispute - Damaged Goods By: Justin

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