Dank Fatty

i was rushed to the ER two weeks ago for anaphylaxis due to sunflower seed butter (which should not have been a trigger. i ate sunflower products almost daily bc it's used in Lays Potato Chips and seaweed snacks) and ever since i've been unable to eat foods without reacting to them. so i've become very malnourished, weak, and paranoid.

i felt especially weak yesterday and decided to push myself too hard by eating foods that weren't rice (especially because my mom kept pushing me even though i kept telling her i wasn't ready. but this decision was my own. out of desperation). i flew too close to the sun and triggered anaphylaxis. again. to another food i should not be allergic to. that i have had MANY times. apples are (were?) one of my favorite fruits and i drank a lot of cranapple juice in the past.

i likely have MCAS, histamine intolerance, or some sort of disorder that is causing my body to attack all food for some reason. unfortunately these conditions are understudied and undertreated, and really only began to be taken seriously because its present in many people with Long Covid (to my knowledge I've never had covid).

if i am fortunate, the doctors will figure out why my body is reacting this way and how to stop it/lessen it. i don't want to think about the alternative.

even if things aren't 100% how they were, i want to be able to lead a fulfilling life. where i am not starving and sickly. even if that means a feeding tube of some kind.

but i do miss cooking. i do miss shitty fast food burger. i do miss ice cream, and candy, and weed. i do miss fresh fruits and vegetables. i do miss meat. and so, i hope that even if gradual, i can get back to that. and also not have to just eat Boiled Plain Chicken. i love herbs and spices and sauces. sigh.

anyway. the main goal here is just to survive. please, join hands and hope i can survive. and do so without much misery. there are so many horror stories of doctors failing people. i have horror stories of doctors failing me. but this is about Basic Human Survival Needs, not my mental illnesses or broken bones or whatever

i don't really have like a money app or anything. and i have medicaid due to low income so hopefully government will pay for my treatment. but if you have like, cute pictures? funny memes? preferably ones that do not have to do with food/eating, i would love to see them. even like, generic positive messages (not too specific please; when i'm not verbally advocating for my care i'm trying to dissociate so i don't have a mental breakdown.)

i was rushed to the ER two weeks ago for anaphylaxis due to sunflower seed butter (which should not have been a trigger. i ate sunflower products almost daily bc it's used in Lays Potato Chips and seaweed snacks) and ever since i've been unable to eat foods without reacting to them. so i've become very malnourished, weak, and paranoid.

i felt especially weak yesterday and decided to push myself too hard by eating foods that weren't rice (especially because my mom kept pushing me even though i kept telling her i wasn't ready. but this decision was my own. out of desperation). i flew too close to the sun and triggered anaphylaxis. again. to another food i should not be allergic to. that i have had MANY times. apples are (were?) one of my favorite fruits and i drank a lot of cranapple juice in the past.

i likely have MCAS, histamine intolerance, or some sort of disorder that is causing my body to attack all food for some reason. unfortunately these conditions are understudied and undertreated, and really only began to be taken seriously because its present in many people with Long Covid (to my knowledge I've never had covid).

if i am fortunate, the doctors will figure out why my body is reacting this way and how to stop it/lessen it. i don't want to think about the alternative.

even if things aren't 100% how they were, i want to be able to lead a fulfilling life. where i am not starving and sickly. even if that means a feeding tube of some kind.

but i do miss cooking. i do miss shitty fast food burger. i do miss ice cream, and candy, and weed. i do miss fresh fruits and vegetables. i do miss meat. and so, i hope that even if gradual, i can get back to that. and also not have to just eat Boiled Plain Chicken. i love herbs and spices and sauces. sigh.

anyway. the main goal here is just to survive. please, join hands and hope i can survive. and do so without much misery. there are so many horror stories of doctors failing people. i have horror stories of doctors failing me. but this is about Basic Human Survival Needs, not my mental illnesses or broken bones or whatever

i don't really have like a money app or anything. and i have medicaid due to low income so hopefully government will pay for my treatment. but if you have like, cute pictures? funny memes? preferably ones that do not have to do with food/eating, i would love to see them. even like, generic positive messages (not too specific please; when i'm not verbally advocating for my care i'm trying to dissociate so i don't have a mental breakdown.)