ermit

We get to life where we have to choose what we wanted to be in the future.

Though it will be a bit hard to choose especially in my situation. As I've chose a career that you won't see normally on a list of the best college courses out there.

Music.

If you're reading this and considers this kind of career in the future, what would you do? What would you do to convince your parents that—that's the career you like?

People also graduate in courses that are different from what their job is right now, but then I feel like they've wasted the course they took on college (sorry if I offended someone).

What's harder for me is that the course that I want can only be studied in one school here in our province as my mother doesn't agree of making me come study in the city because of the current world pandemic.

Earlier, my cousin asked me if what strand would I want to take in senior high, which made me clueless. As I said no to examples such as business, accountancy, or mathematics, my mom started giving the kind of concerned look.

Earlier, probably a year ago, I've heard my family talk about their successors. One finally being a teacher, one an engineer, one an IT (Information Technology) and me, well...

One day I thought about studying Law yet everyone took it seriously. I was considering it but everyone was pushing me.

And then I said no. I guess I didn't see myself public speaking on the court and it made me anxious by just thinking about that. So it's not what I like.

When I said that, my dad started throwing tantrums. Well, not like baby tantrums but he's been telling mom that he really wants me to be a lawyer.

So maybe I didn't have a choice and that I should just have pushed myself to that career that I didn't really see myself into and that I wouldn't really love.

A friend got mad at me. She said why wouldn't I fight for what I really love and then I cried that time. She even told me that she never saw me fight for myself. As I was used to agreeing to a person's opinion even if I wanted to disagree with that opinion as I was scared.

My other cousin told me, the one who took Information Technology, that I should follow what I really like as she didn't follow hers and just didn't have a choice and just had to take that freaking college course.

She said that I'd be really good at Music, and that one day, I would pay for my parents' sacrifices for me.

I just wanted them to be happy.

I really do.

But yet I want to follow my dreams..

Should I?

Basically, there's a lot of people who describe me. Sometimes I know, sometimes I don't. Sometimes positive, sometimes not.

These days, my confidence has been dropping. Before I was the person who would perform in front of everyone, even if they like it or not. I'm motivated in what I can do. I feel.. Courageous...

That's who I am before. Not likely the person who I am now. As I grow up I became a lot.. Conscious... Not just about my talent in music, but even physically. I started to reduce eating, even stop eating.

At school it doesn't look like it but at home it looks like I'm.. Fasting? Well, not really fasting but compared to how I eat before.. It changed a lot.

I got attached to beautiful people on social media.

Yeah, pretty common. But really terrifying.

But that's not really the case. I'm having self-doubts.

Like, 'oh, it looks easy but I can't do this or that.' Its complicated. Sometimes I already think about how would people say about me before they could even speak.

Like, 'maybe they think that if I could just.. shut up.'

I did need help but the advice my family and friends give me doesn't make the situation any better for some reason and I wish it did.

Guess I'm gonna stay like this for a while.

"You're actually going there alone?"

"Of course. I'll handle him alone." you said and you ended the call.

You're currently at a famous night bar where you wanted to meet someone. A person who ruined your life, Yang Jeongin. The place was crowded and it was irritating.

'So that guy actually spends his time with random girls on his own every night?' You asked yourself, disgusted by how it could happen. You saw him sitting at a couch in the edge, drinking alone.

'That prick is actually alone? I guess it's the right time.' You said to yourself, getting closer to his place. He then saw you walking to him. He smirked.

"Look who's here." Jeongin said, finishing his glass of wine.

"How'd you find me? Another tracker?" he asked, pouring another glass of wine.

Before he even pours it, you pulled him out of his seat and he was startled about what you did. You pulled him in a nearest room, locking the door and pulling out a gun facing him. You didn't care if someone was there. Let them see a tragic death.

"Why did you kill my parents?? What did they do to you?!!" You asked with no patience, getting ready to pull the gun's trigger. Jeongin snickered while looking at you teasingly.

"Don't make fun of me!" you shouted, pulling the trigger.

Nothing happened.

You looked at the gun and saw no bullets inside. You felt angrier, throwing your gun to the floor. You thought of a last chance.

You calmed down your nerves and went close to Jeongin. Your faces were both an inch away and you both can feel your own breathing.

Jeongin were about to say something, when you pulled out a dagger and stabbed him.

"You ruined my life and even tried to kill me. You won't get away from this." you whispered in his ear.

Random Thoughts

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Time Journal

8:01 AM

10:16 AM

12:15 PM

Three Words Scenarios

Hostel, Liq, Subdivide

Less, Shield, Conquer

Y/N One Shots

Han Jisung

Hwang Hyunjin

Yang Jeongin

Poems

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Our love is bittersweet,

But it doesn't even exist.

Roses have thorns,

You look like you don't have it,

Yet why hurt me?

In times of me loving you.

They say it's a Happy New Year,

Yet why is it sad?

When I got tingled by wine,

I bursted out in chat.

"Your heart is stolen,

To someone you deserve,"

You say it's false,

But still question my confession.

My heart is bipolar,

It's happy when you're happy.

Yet it turns upside down,

When I realize you're not with me.

So stop,

Stop thinking about what I've just said,

It complicates everything,

To your must be "Happy New Year."

You musn't be feeling confused,

But what's done is done,

Wish such confusion will be gone,

Until we meet again.

There's still a lot for me to say,

Yet it's too much this post still take.

So here's a thing you need to hear,

Forget everything about what I've just said.

"Y/N! Someone wants to give this to you."

Dear Y/N,

My name is Hwang Hyunjin, the boy you never knew or set an eye on. There's a lot of things I want you to do for me. If you would want to—it's okay if you won't. This is just my last wish—wishes.

Holding my hand while walking.

Giving me kisses before we sleep.

Saying "I love you" before closing our eyes.

Hugs during the worst times. (We all need someone to lean on.)

Going to my favorite café! (I want to go there with you.)

Binge watching movies in the midnight! Don't forget the popcorn!!

Having a nice vacation in a beach.

Introducing me to your family and to your friends.

Cooking me good homemade breakfast! (Do you cook? :3)

Stealing my shirts all the time! (You look cute in it ^_^)

Taking kkami to a walk in the park!

Cuddles and pillow fighting every weekend nights

If you're wondering why.. Well, I might leave this world without meeting you again. I'm at the hospital, writing this right now. I hope Seungmin will take care of you! Thank you for always being my inspiration. I know I want to say a lot but this paper limits me. Please do this with me before I leave you.

I-I Love You. Forever. -Hyunjin <3

Tears fall down from my eyes. No way, is this happening? Is he really gonna- No. Am I really too late? I should go to him! Now!

(Hey guys! Sorry for hurting your feelings! Oh, I've heard that Stray Kids actually posted something about a... Mixtape??! OMG! I'm excited and it's on 26!!!)

Walking in the park alone at night wasn't really the best idea for me. Unless I want to be sucked in by darkness, I woukd go for it. I guess this is what it feels like for being alone, without those eight cheerful boys. Or are they? They might be hiding something like me.

"Aww, look at you."

I looked at the voice I heard at my right. I saw a girl, petting a stray cat at night wearing a white dress and a flower crown as a head dress. My curiousity jumped out, which means I came to her. Through my instincts, even if I don't want to.

"Excuse me, why are you here alone in the middle of the night? Aren't you cold?" I asked, out of nowhere.

"Oh, how about you? A lot of problems? Not as many as mine.." she said as she carried the cat and stands up from the cold floor.

"H-How did you know?" I asked, my knees trembling.

"A guess through looking into your eyes. It was quite obvious." she says as the cat yawned and sleeps on her chest.

"I'm sorry. Umm, here.. You can use my coat. Oh, and my name is Han Jisung." I said giving her my coat.

"No, I don't need it. You need it more." she says and smiled at me, with her beautiful gold eyes.

"Nice contact lenses. What's your name?" I said as I held out my hand.

"You don't need my name. As usual, you people don't think my eye color is real." she said as she giggles and she reaches her hand for a handshake.

Her hand was smooth and warm. I was confused about how she was warm in this cold midnight.

"I'm sorry. But I'm not cold. I have to get away from you-"

"You forgot to tell your name. Why do you have to get away from me? Do I look like a bad person?"

"No, that's not what I meant. I'm the bad person."

"But why?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why-"

"I am the cause of this world's end. If I were you, stop fighting with your friends and spend your time with them. Please, I can't hold my power any longer. It's too much for me." she says as she runs away leaving the cat.

I carried the cat with me.

I haven't even asked her name.

Hi again, Tumblr. It's been a while.

So, my cousin tonight came home with his father. My uncle, who bought a little chick for him. Once I saw it, I stumbled into different kinds of things through my mind. I kept thinking about stuff that made me curious about a baby chicken.

First, why do people need to sell it when they can sell a lot more valuable stuff than a little chick who have home and family, like us.

Second, why do people buy it if it usually just dies in a lot of times people take it home. But I didn't mean that every people don't take care of it. I meant at the 9/10 of people who just takes it, and tomorrow they'll just find it lying on their cage, not breathing.

Third, people are wondering why does it cry a lot at night which means they can't sleep. I mean, obviously it cries for help. A person just snatched them away from their parents and locks them inside a small cage which fits them exactly and they can't move. Gives them small amount of food, which makes them cry a lot more. And the vendor don't even give the sellers the chick's food! I mean it totally just makes sense so why do y'all even ask.

Fourth, for the parents. For some reason, you agree to buy your child a living animal knowing that they can't even take care of it and wouldn't even last a week. It mostly made me question about animal freedom, or if there even is one. Plus, wasting your money for that just ain't it.

So stop. Like, stop buying little chicks. They have a family like us and have feelings like us. Imagine yourself stuck on a cage while chickens play with you like you're a toy.

Best revenge yet?