big rant about the edgy Dystopia hensper fic I'm stuck on rn....
I think I wrote myself in a corner with this fic. I'm soo close to finishing it, and overall it is pretty sound and the segments do fit together nicely like I wanted to but I think I wrote Henry too self aware in some parts.
There is one segment in particular I really like where I think I nailed the way he talks himself into things while also being self aware enough to know that he is part of the issue and the way Jasper reacts to it also is like yes he's aware of Henry's issues but he's not sure what to do about it. But this isn't consistent for the rest of the fic and it really bothers me cause this is supposed to be a bit of an insight on why Henry is like that in the movie and urg idk.
They basically have a situationship going on the whole time but only act on it somewhere near the end of the fic but at some point it seems they may figure it out before things ultimately crash and there isn't a point of return and we get this weird thing they have in the movie. And I wanted to write it like a push and pull thing cause I do think that's what's been happening before the movie.
Henry is just being really unsure of how he wants to treat Jasper and is affectionate but also defensive when Jasper confronts him on the times he's being an asshole. And Jasper occasionally caves and lets Henry get away with hurting his feelings but puts his foot down other times and it's like a real rollercoaster of miscommunication and them not being sure what they want from each other. And basically romance won't fix that but I'm not sure if I really get into why that is enough and how to fix what's going on with Henry ?
Technically I don't need to cause they don't really fix shit or talk about it in the movie either and that's also the point where they have an actual falling out that seems to be the tipping point with Henry saying he'll move out, but the fic ends a bit similar with a fight but it's like they've been here before and they didn't manage to figure out either. Which is basically also what the movie does too except we're meant to think of it as conclusive cause Henry went on this whole journey of realization ? But again he doesn't even talk through that with Jasper on screen and I do think he was aware that he was kind of deflecting and being an ass before that at least to some degree. So like they're just repeating cycles at this point. I'm not sure if that comes across that way in the fic and I want it to be more subtle on the self awareness part but also highlight how Henry's being an ass but without making him too unlikeable ? But it feels all a bit clunky how I wrote it I think ? like not the right balance between all of this stuff.
And also Henry's issues in the fic are just basically the mess that was his teenhood was and the way he carries some of that into all of his relationships both platonic and romantic and is like very avoidant about commitment or talking about that with the others to sort of get through it.
Personally I also think he has internalized homophobia cause of the imagine of what he thinks he should be like as a hero and that obviously also affects his relationship with Jasper negatively. But idk if I get into that the way I want to in the fic ? I think it's just kind of surface level cope out where I talk about him having issues but don't get into it too much ? He's having an identity crises and that affects his relationship with Jasper ??? I do have segments dedicated to how both of them feel about other things and their relationship to the other characters but idk if that's enough....
It just feels like I'm writing surface level shit in some parts and that may be what makes it inconsistent and what makes Henry seem too self aware in others cause it's like a "oh there is that thing" written out kind of deal instead of implying stuff more ?
I still need to write a few parts and I'll reread the thing a couple of times to see if it flows the way I want it to and if everything fits nicely together and such, but it's also a really long fic. I'm at like 18k and like I said I have like 5 parts not properly written out yet. And for those I'm also stumped on the themes cause most parts deal with sort of a theme either between Henry and Jasper or other stuff (like Henry's and Ray's relationship and how it messed him up, Henry's own insecurities, Jasper as a hero, his relationship with Charlotte opposed to Henry, stuff like how Char leaving affects them ect ect.). It's basically a theme like that plus sth. happening in real time, like they help rescue people from a fire or sth. But the last parts I'm dealing with rn are so wobbly on that and I don't like it but lack inspiration to figure it out :/
Also the discrepancy between some parts with what I mentioned before throws me off :( I'm at a point where this takes like a lot of time and revision to put into and I'm very fixated on it and I fear that it's just not worth the effort ? Like I'm not losing interest in it but it just feels pointless to do ?? Like I'm wasting my time but also I think that about basically anything I do in my free time every few weeks if I'm stuck on sth. so there is that...
