growing over the cement

i am: dandie i use: they/he

birthplace: city of angels currently livin': city of roses

labels if you need them: gender outlaw, transmasc, butch lesbian

♉︎ ♓︎ ♌︎

"take care of yourselves and each other

skate fast when you can

take a break when you need to..."

reach out, community is the answer to many questions

peanut butter is a safe food for some, a deadly allergy for others

how can one small nut feed so many, yet hurt someone too?

eyes wide and focused, my drool hits the floor

peanut butter has been my favorite for most of my life, i would eat so much of it and never get sick of the flavor, as midnight snacks, school lunches, candy bars, you name it i've probably tried it.

last time i had the premium stuff, i swallowed so fast it almost killed me

the spoon was yanked from my mouth, tongue wrestling against teeth in my own mouth. by the time i swallowed, i felt the ache surrounding the lump sitting in my gut. i felt my stomach absorb it and knew it would be a while until i let that happen again.

these days a lot of my time is spent reminiscing on how good peanut butter tasted, how i miss when i enjoyed the flavor and how satiated it can make me feel.

i have this reoccurring issue where whenever i like someone or begin to trust them i want to test them

i picture myself lying unconscious at her workplace

or showing up at his door and falling apart

or putting myself in a dangerous situation where i need someone to pull me out

even if i know we are friends or that they care

even if they say it over and over

stray dog is glaring again...

i will always be a stray dog, i belong to no one

collars are no use against these teeth

i will run 4ever or until im too weak to refuse

no one can truly stomach this hunger i live with

so i run

i must whine and howl loudly

before help even looks in my direction

im more of a suffer in silence dog anyway

part of me will always fantasize about being saved when most of me knows i never will be

this part also thinks that he has to whine and howl loudly before help even looks in his direction