◤ ° › got balenciagas on, i got your paycheck on my feet

his gaze focused on the other male when he heard a voice he hadn’t been searching for. “ dogs LOVE me, especially that one. and if you haven’t realized, i’ve escaped the situation perfectly fine. there was no REAL traumatizing accident that happened which meant the dog didn’t go insane. ”

&&.        picking her next victim had been simple – easier than elementary mathematics. he currently is distracting himself, body, soul, & mind so enrapt by himself & the crowd he has gathered. with the S T E A L T H of a lithe cat, hayden inches closer & closer to his broad back, both hands concealing the whipped cream filled pie tin behind her back. once she is close enough & without warning, hayden bombards the other with her prank, watching as his perfectly gelled brunet locks mix with the creamy topping. “ sorry i couldn’t find that other half dalton, i feel like the cherry pie would’ve suited ya’ b e t t e r but i had to go with the next best option, ” hayden snickers, amusement written across her porcelain features. 

the second dalton felt something cold cascade down his neck, he jumped from his seat. “ fucking ! ” one hand flew to the back of his neck as he tried to fling some of the cream off of himself. it took him a minute to really realize that his hair ---- something he spent about fifteen minutes working on had been destroyed by the pie. had this happened to literally anyone else in the world, literally anyone else, dalton would have found it extremely funny. but it had happened to him, right in the middle of a story he was telling.

tremendouslyadverse   (via ambershearde)

there was an amused smile on his face as he listened to her questions. “ i’ll recount the story to you later, cor. it’d be a real shame to force all these lovely people to listen to someone ALL over again. ” the amused smile turned into a sly grin. “ maybe somewhere private ? ”

dalton could be a bit of a douchebag from what he had seen, but at least he was an entertaining one. he clapped a few times, though the action slowly died off as he realized no one around him was following suit. “what? no one else? geeze, talk about a harsh crowd.”

his head only grew when he heard an applause but shrugged it off when it lasted a mere few seconds. “ tough crowd today. don’t worry, though. come back in a week or two and i’m sure i’ll have some new crazy shit to tell everyone about. ”

❝ dalton… ❞ she shook her head, still skeptical as to how this could have been a real scenario. ❝ did you know that americans lie at least once a day ? they normally believe they get away with it, too, but sometimes they don’t. i’m only telling you because, if this is a lie, you should know that you’ve used up your allotted amount of dishonesty for the day. ❞

he let out a laugh. “ rhi... ” dalton did his best to match her tone. “ i’m really NOT fucking with you. plus, once a day is the minimum. ”

“you’re barely right about one topic, never mind everything else in life  alright, adams, if that’s what keeps your damn ego in check and lets you sleep at night. but then again, do you really do any actual sleeping at night? aren’t you usually rolling in silk sheets with some girl whose heart you’re gonna end up fucking breaking once the morning rolls around?” she asks, arching an eyebrow at him. “so you’re telling me that the only reason people get married is because of tax and security? that’s a pretty fucking ironic way to look at it, isn’t it? considering the fact we pretty much grew up in a white picket fence neighborhood. but you are right about something, shocker! marriage isn’t necessary in life because it isn’t for everyone. i never understood why people married if they didn’t actually love that person or they were never going to actually stay faithful to the  damn person.”

“ and you’re always really fucking sensitive to everything, meyers. it’s a wonder you haven’t lectured the entire ship members twice about whatever the fuck it is you’re crusading about now. and don’t worry, i take care of my sleeping in class. ” he winked at her. it wasn’t intentional, more like a reflex. “ we grew up in a white picket fence town, sure, but that doesn’t mean that was what it was. shit, meyers, open your fucking eyes. it’s a traditional wedding, a traditional family, a traditional home but none of the emotions are traditional. at least, most of them aren’t. ” he shook his head slightly, as if he didn’t even want to hear what she had to say. “ it’s like ----- it’s like you live in this fantasy or some shit where people actually WANT to be tied down. you could rent a limo and return it once you’re done. you don’t have to buy it. you don’t have to deal with maintaining it. sometimes it’s easier to just jump around. ”

“ your goose story sucks shit, i’m not going to lie. although i do believe, with all my heart, that birds and kids: they’re ALL fucking disgusting. so why weren’t you with aurora ? was she bitching at someone elsewhere ? ”

“you wanna know what i realized today while i was fixing the ice cream machine? one, we’re one ice cream machine breakdown away from becoming a mcdonald’s meme, and two, it’s kind of an annoying job. only then i realized it isn’t annoying at all. — just listen, it’ll make sense, i swear. see, i quite dislike fixing the machine just because it’s tedious and it breaks down all the time. but today after i did it, this little girl gave my leg the biggest hug in the world and told me that she loved me. she didn’t even know me, but she still loved ME. it just showed me that there are no annoying jobs, because even the ones we don’t wanna do can make someone happy. everything we do is so WORTH it at the end of the day, and we should always remember that.”

he nodded his head, listening intently but at the same time ----- not at all. dalton only actually hard about a fourth of what the other male was saying while the rest went straight out the other ear. “ right. so, you can’t give me ice cream ? do i have to go to someone else for it or is it still broken ------ ? ” dalton could have added in his two cents and actually contributed to the conversation in front of him. there was a deeper meaning involved in the story but, quite frankly, he didn’t care. 

he leaned back in his seat while the crowd slowly dispersed. dalton heard collective mumbling as they all went to find someone else to entertain them. “cousin? compulsive liar? a billion times? those are quite the accusations.” there was a smile, begging to break free. 

that’s fucked up and i refuse to believe it

seven deadly sins & i n s t a g r a m - gluttony, male. ( insp ).

aurora scoffed, wrinkling her nose in distaste as he threw a wink to some of the girls standing there, like he was some fucking celebrity and they were his loyal fans.  “ they’re only interested because they’re either complete fucking idiots, or they’re actually nice enough to humor you and your inflated ego. ” the girl crossed her arms over her chest before laughing, tilting her head at the boy in inquiry.  “ aw babe, now that’s were you’re wrong. there is no universe, especially not this one, where i am a decent fucking person. in fact, it is completely in character for me to stick around and listen to your story, despite it making me wanna stick a fork in my fucking neck, just to have the pleasure of shitting all over you after you’ve finished. now, is that too much for you to understand? i can spell it out for you if you want. i know when god was handing out brains you took a second dick instead, so i understand if this is hard for you to grasp. ”

“now i’m wondering why you’re acting like such a bitch today, much like how i wonder every day.” a loud sigh escaped his lips as dalton quickly grew bored and irksome. “then why don’t you? there’s are like a hundred fucking forks on this boat & i’m about four hundred percent positive that we’d all love to see you jam it into that giraffe neck you’ve got.” he stretched his hand out, gesturing at the napkin on the small table beside him. “please ! spell it out for me. go grab some crayons and write out all your petty issues for me to read. jesus fuck, you’re like a child. it’s a wonder your parents let you stay on this boat without adult supervision.”

“my foot was stuck too ! i couldn’t do much. my hands were tied. but the second i got free, i saved that beautiful german shepherd.” truth be told, he knew some people would completely stop him from telling his story after hearing about the dog but it was part of the story & he’d be damned if he didn’t tell every single captivating detail.

“why does it seriously not fucking surprise me at all that you’d be the one to say that? guess that means i’m just used to the way you’d think about love at this point, huh? i mean sure, shit happens, but i’d expect a damn marriage to actually mean a lot more to some fucking people than to be something you could so easily forget about and break. i get that marriages break all the time, but among the seven billion people in the world there’s gotta be a fucking number of marriages that’ll last forever. what, even with the way you are now, don’t you see yourself ever getting married in the future?”

“maybe because i’m right about this just like how i’m right about everything else in life.” he rolled his eyes at her. “marriage isn’t supposed to be like those stupid movies. it’s about tax and security. well, yeah i guess. but i don’t see that pathetic white picket fence right next to it. it’s just a tradition that people like to uphold. it’s not necessary in life and not always wanted.”