what a difference you make.

“Are first years under the impression that the library is the right place to scream? Are they honestly that blood stupid?”

“i hate to be the sheep that follows the flock, love,” she said. “but usually those ravenclaws know a thing or two about what the human body can and cannot do.” a chuckle followed as she looked at the girl before her endearingly, a sense of relief hiding under the smile. “you’re so lucky you’re pretty.”

he made a face, the boy slightly amused as she denied his unspoken offer. rodolphus wouldn’t fight it – if the halfblood wanted to pay, then damn it if he would take that i n d e p e n d e n c e from her. ( insert eye roll here ). “ is that why you jumped in to speak when you thought i was rearing to leave? because you weren’t seeking my approval? because you PREFER solitude? ” he raked a tired hand through his hair, glancing over at the fair face looking back at him. two minds who hated sharing, yet kept going despite it all; what an interesting story. the real truth of the matter was that he chose to speak to her for the same exact bullshit he was giving her trouble for. he told her more than he had most people and the boy could relax knowing that she had no one to tell. she was alone.

the words emerged from nowhere, causing the boy to instinctively furrow his brow. it was only momentary, of course, as a smile eventually showed itself in place of his brief confusion. the girl wanted to keep talking. how very ADORABLE. “ on the contrary … i consider younger siblings to be quite the c r u t c h. ” he relaxed in his seat, leaning forward slightly as to push the stacked coins back in her direction. the wizard may have been arguably psychotic with a penchant for poetic words and fisticuffs, but he was a gentleman when it counted. or when he FELT like it. “ so i suppose it is true. you prefer solitude. or maybe … ” he tapped the table, memories of their previous conversation coming forth as he continued to speak. “ there is too much pressure in you being liked that it’s easier to be alone. ”  rodolphus straightened to his usual posture, his spine pulled upward to an aristocratic length. “ that was YOUR theory, if i recall correctly. ”

    Petunia quickly closed the door with a narrowed eyebrows before she was stunned of this - it almost felt muggle-like and they loved it. “ that’s…wonderful.” she was out of words.” amazing idea you had here.”

she stifled a laugh. “alright, she said, holding her hand out with a mock expectancy. “ten quid, or i talk. your reputation will surely be ruined by this, i hope you’re aware.” marlene eased in, falling dramatically on ingrid’s bed. “your life is a right mess,” she said, her head turning to look up at ingrid. “and i absolutely love it.”

“oh– that’s… that’s bloody marvelous”, she said through broken chuckles. as she caught the fellow student red-handed, marlene saw an opportunity. a satisfied grin pulled at her features as she closed the door she came through. “should i name my price for silence before or AFTER you try explaining what i just walked in on?”

“ all things I already knew, unfortunately. but i guess it wouldn’t be interesting were you to just up and tell me what i wanted to hear. GOD FORBID rodolphus lestrange get what he want without trying. ” he offered his infamous smirk, shuffling about in order to grab whatever he owed the bartender from the pocket of his trousers. despite his thirst, the boy wouldn’t be ordering another drink — satiation would only come from answers, not the sweet amber liquid currently laid out in front of him. ever since he was a kid, he saw the world and the people in it a certain way. they were all so … two dimensional with little going for them. he considered himself to be the only person with thoughts, desires, and a past that helped shape his own individuality. it wasn’t until he was seven and he had taken something very precious from the younger witch across the stress that he realized that he wasn’t the only character in this book. she’d never get her puppy back, but the loss proved itself useful. he understood now. 

“ no, i don’t suppose you would. but it’s true. you have to be prepared to reconsider what is right and wrong. they’re essentially just terms that express an inconvenient struggle … just PARTS of a dialectic equation. ” obsidian hues remained on the girl, gazing back past their hypnotic darkness into something more inviting as he lifted the second glass. the drink, however, never reached his mouth. instead, his lips snaked up into a suspicious smirk as he looked her over once again. he had told her quite a bit about lil’ old rod and yet, there they sat, his curious mind still aching for information. she could alienate everyone around her until she had no one left to turn to for all he cared, but damn it if he wouldn’t get what he came for. 

“ come now. you’re capable of flexing that jaw for more than just impersonal comments. ” he set the glass back on the table before leaning forward, a vicious whisper emerging within seconds. “ tell me something. ” with an arch of his brow, he settled back into his relaxed, yet still visibly stern state and posture. he would have to admit that, while he considered her to be an overall example of someone he’d find unimpressive, he could confess to finding their conversations to be rather enlightening. she was smarter than he would’ve given her credit for. a beautiful face with a sharp tongue and a curious outlook. “ teach me about YOU. ”

‘ not everything is black and white or just right and wrong. ’ or so she heard. for years, her parents reminded her that things were blurred. only a few things were purely one thing or the other. but all her friends, all her classmates had seemed to disagree. and so she tried to accept both. when it came to understanding the world, she refused to let any bias in         no matter how IMPOSSIBLE. 

“ why would i change my desires simply because others continue to disappoint? tell me, my darling, would you change your opinions and ideals … LOWER your overall esteem because the people around you didn’t automatically agree or react the way you wanted? ” power was absolute in the palm of his hand, give or take the trickle of civility and governing rules. oftentimes he found his disappointment to be motivating, a feeling which would lead the young brunette to scheme for what was rightfully his. this was an addiction without any consequences and, as everyone knew, addictions were meant to be satisfied. 

“ unhappy? no. it’s not a lack of happiness that plagues me, ingrid. ” rodolphus shrugged off her comment, unwilling to allow a big deal to be made out of their apparent momentary truce. the boy wasn’t sad. he was angry. his grandmother would often claim that there was a beast inside of him, one which took control when rod found himself too lost to solve a problem himself. it was an excuse that he never fully believed. he had almost always been in control of his own feelings and actions, only sometimes the rage simmering beneath the surface would boil over and he’d come to with blood on his fists. “ do you consider me to be wrong? in what i say and do? you see me and you know my family. am i a bad person? “ expected answer? YES. 

her mouth OPENED, only to close quickly after. that had not been her intention. she was one to pride herself in remaining independent and far from susceptible to the environment around her. but the witch knew when to keep her expectations low & it wasn’t because she was giving in, it was because she was a d a p t i n g. her refusal to let others dampen her mood had nothing to do with lowering her esteem. ‘ it’s more about keeping my expectations low for others, i’m not devaluing myself. ’ the words seemed to FINALLY form.

“ perhaps you’re right, perhaps you’re not — who can really say for sure? ” it was interesting to watch as the witch tried to understand the inner workings of his mind. the real humor behind her action was that, out of everyone in the room, the one he understood the least was himself. the beauty of rodolphus lestrange was that he appeared all-knowing, as if he never doubted an action or idea. he was the boy who never wanted for anything. this wizard, in his journey along the path that his parents have set, struggled to forget the sweet taste of freedom. and it was in this inability that his crazy was defined, for he was always colored with desire, outrage, and a constrained humor which bordered on psychotic. “ i’ve always expected much more than what i’ve been given. unfortunately, as i’ve come to learn, being born a genius had led me to create some of the most UNREALISTIC of expectations. ”

“ but what do i wish to hear, ” he repeated the phrase, the edges of his lips curling slightly upward to show a minuscule, yet visible smile. “ it’ll be difficult for you to understand, but i often find myself wishing that there are people who are smarter and more powerful than me out there. and what i wish to hear … is that they are significantly less happy than i am. ”

‘ no one, i guess. ’ the words were spaced out as the blonde took her time. sips of her butterbeer were becoming less and less frequent as the drink became colder by the second. ‘ incredibly humble of you. ’ the few ingrid had come across that declared themselves ‘ geniuses ’ were often FAR from it. it anything, they followed every thought, every belief surrounding them and ultimately mistook it for immensely vast knowledge. ‘ but wouldn’t you try to lower your expectations ? make an attempt to  better off your hopes & dreams if you are as clever as you claim to be ? ’ 

what DID he wish to hear? the question caught him off-guard, if only momentarily. see, rodolphus wished a great many things and he often went to extremes lengths to achieve these desires. yet to put it into words was something he hadn’t had the pleasure of doing before. “ that question carries an INFINITE number of possible answers, ingrid. best pray i never find myself bored enough to answer it. ” rodolphus was a man a kept promises and various offers. he appeared a sinner who presented intriguing opportunities for a select few with one hand, and with the other, a lasting awareness of excitement and fear. the wizard had a habit of collecting dark and mysterious elements, the little molecules and atoms which combine to create a person of appealing nature. she asked what he wished to hear? he wished to hear the sound of her giving in: a successful collection of a curious witch. 

“i hope it wasn’t too much of a surprise. i was only trying to be honest. ” he gave the blonde a look before finishing off his drink, tapping the table as a signal to the bartender. “ … for once. it’s a rarity. i suggest you take it in — won’t last much longer. doesn’t do the air around me enough … flavor. ”

‘ or maybe you just don’t actually know. i used to do that ----- act as if i couldn’t narrow down what i wanted for christmas but i actually had no idea what i’d rather see perfectly wrapped under that T R E E. ’ she couldn’t help herself, every time something came out of his mouth, ingrid felt the need to question it. it was the desire of picking at the few thoughts visible stemming from the boy. clockwork was how her father often described the human brain. tinkering with the slytherin’s... mechanics seemed to be a fascinating task.

     “ sure?” Petunia shrugged their shoulders. “ a sticker of a star or?”

“I hope so. To be honest, I could’ve used the sugar burst today. It was a long afternoon on the pitch and every muscle from my back downward is screaming at me.”

“ ah uh … grocery store, ” she responded, shoulders falling slightly after realizing her mistake. it wasn’t much of a difference, simply a change in words. that being said, the contrast in diction is what separates civilians from military personnel and their families. “ well … who can really be sure what’s real and what isn’t? but no, yeah, i completely agree. what could it hurt to get a better, uh … IDEA of the landscape? a castle like this is bound to have a million secrets. ”

she asked him, rather sarcastically and with little interest it seemed, what he wanted. the thought made him smirk, devious and troublesome images entering his mind almost instinctively. “ as mannerly as i may appear, i’m afraid my incentives may a bit too rough for you. sure you want to have a go at what i’d PREFER to see? ” the two of them were full of rhetorical questions that evening. perhaps it was because they were worried about the actual answers they’d receive. “ i never denied I was. ” the crook of his finger traveled along the edge of the table, darkened eyes languidly following this movement as if to mentally record each and every crack and dent. he was slow to stop, pausing momentarily to take a long drink from his glass. there was a noticeable heat given from the extra liquid addition, the fire pleasantly burning his throat on the way down.

“ and in case you were curious, I HAVEN’T forgotten. It’s a simple fact, my dear — i only pay attention to things i wish to hear. ” the utter repulsion never fully seeped into his face. the lie itself was accompanied with a grin, both amused and stern.  “ as for what i keep … it depends on my mood, really. after a certain point, i try not to think about specific things, or else it’ll break my heart. ”

curiosity shone through her eyes. there was a part of her that wanted to know the answer but she figured she already k n e w. her eyes followed his finger. every move the slytherin carried out seemed to be calculated, specific. it made her think twice about simply breathing, as if she had to match his thoughts. shoulders straightened when her posture started to slack, she could almost hear the creaky voice of her grandmother. the memory seemed so fresh in her mind, it was almost hard to remember it happened nearly twelve years ago.

   “ that’s really a sticker?” they asked, eyebrows narrowed - trying to take a peek in the closet themselves.