dude u look like shit

imagine youre a shark swimming around lifes not great but youre expecting ‘well i only gotta do this for 20 so years’ and then you just dont die 

the universe has a crazy way of working out and right now i need to just trust that

I’m in tears!

I just want to know how the writers of snl knew about my very specific sexual fantasy

my soul: saved 

One of my favourites

the shot of a pizza roll dragging across bare skin fucking kills me

They did two previous ones of these and, no, she never did have a name.

@phallicasfuck

This will never stop cracking me up

i was just in the market and was talking to the bagging lady about the weather since its been really warm and i was sayin how i dont like the heat and prefer the cold and she was like “oh yeah i get that” and i said “cuz you can get under a blanket to get out of the cold but in the heat it’s not like you can take off your-” and in unison she said “clothes” and i said “skin” and i think thats what people mean when they talk about the generational divide

The most intense movie scene ever.