And I've still got my sneakers on

cheap acrylic pens test lets go

(also new art coloring style test run?)

Kumusta ka na? Last tayo nag-usap, kakapasa ko ng boards, tapos nagtanong ka ng second opinion for your condition. You'd told me that all the doctors you've seen had brushed you off, and no solution seemed to have been reached. After that, radio silence.

We were never close, and you were just an acquaintance who happened to be someone I went to school with both in elementary and high school, but the news hit me like a train wreck yesterday. How is it that I find out na wala ka na in passing? In a minor detail during someone else's life update, and that it occurred YEARS before now, during the pandemic? Akala ko dahil sa sakit, na lumala yung condition mo at hindi ka na nakahanap ng akmang doktor for you. But to hear that you decided to close your life story with your own hands, due to circumstances you couldn't escape - ang sakit.

Andami naming kina-counsel na psychosocial cases sa clinic sa work ko ngayon. And as we grew older, mas naging aware ako sa mga kwento ng dilim na kinailangang harapin ng mga batchmates natin even before high school, from places that were supposed to keep them safe - you included.

The realizations about these got me thinking of possibly taking up Psychiatry eventually. And with the journals and books I read in between community health work, with the added knowledge of what happened to you - napaisip ako na baka yung chronic fatigue mo was not a syndrome in itself, but the unfortunate consequence of things you couldn't tell me about. In my line of work, I hear about and meet a lot of people who hurt themselves, some we can save, some with fates we've failed to follow-up.

Hindi ko alam if sobrang desensitized ko na sa death, but it seems every long post I've had lately since graduating, I've written about people we've lost. Like you. And just two, three weeks back, we had 2 more deaths - one a suicide, another from an unfortunate surgical case addressed too late. Earlier this year, a fellow doctor's death also shook us. The circumstances may have been different, but losses deeply felt all the same.

I don't know if our thoughts ever reach the dead, but I hope you aren't hurting anymore, wherever you are. Or if reincarnation is a thing, your next life is kinder, happier and with better circumstances. We'll keep doing our best to hold the line here, to create a better world, so people don't need to follow through with the pain the way you did.

But for now, I hope you rest to make up for all the times you couldn't, and get to do all the things you wanted that you were prevented from doing! And when we see each other again, you'll have the smile you've always deserved to have.

idk if yung aquarius in me lang yun na hirap maglatag unless super close, hahahah (or in this case, tagal nang hindi nakausap)

i mean, I told them things, but I felt the very essence of my lore was NOT encapsulated (elective in the province, Japan VS post-Yolanda Samar in the same summer, having to take care of my grandma at home during COVID when we couldn't have her admitted due to the hospitals being full, my moonlighting side gig)

yeh.

coming back from the dead to post about lippies I've accumulated over the years (swatched above), with the newer ones I bought this month.

I've been very partial to pinks, and those on the lighter tone, but recently ended up with some stains that made my lips look darker from a purchase with inaccurate marketing?? (or well, I guess color theory differences)

Growing up, make-up was fascinating, but as a paradox, since grade school, most of the school or work exposure I've had needed me to not have as much make-up. Choir, stage performances, and that one OB-GYN power-dressing conference (plus the various dressy big events like graduations, weddings and parties) were some exceptions. I never really needed to wear make-up, even if part of me has always been fascinated by lip color products.

I have also never dyed my hair, despite people - especially salon hair dressers - mistaking me for coloring my hair brown (it's a dark brown-black that turns mahogany/reddish in bright light?).

Also as a minimalist, I barely have make-up, but they are as fascinating as my collection of art materials. Like my art materials, though, my current lifestyle, alas, ends up with me using either less than expected.

Lately though, in clinic or duties, whenever I'm not in the community, or I meet with friends, I bring a tube or two with me to wear, along with concealer, and an eyebrow pencil. I used to love doing mascara and/or eye liner, but 1) it is tedious, 2) it feels a little too extra, 3) it has nothing to do with enhancing my skill set as a doctor and humanitarian worker (except making me look less dead). Still, when the opportunity comes up, I doll up for fun.

I'm not sure if this is part of the process of shedding my shyness. Or a subconscious attempt to counter my baby face so that people take me more seriously and not like a high school student. Wanting to don some sort of pseudo-armor so I look a little nicer. But either way, I guess it is me wanting to add more color to my life.