Be Your Everything

I’ve seen a lot of couples getting engaged lately, both publicly and intimately. Whether it’s random and sweet or beautifully planned, everything about the timing is just as beautiful as they are. Marriage is scary, but proposals are JUST TOO DREAMY! Every time I see people getting engaged or announcing their engagement, I wonder if my time will come. Will I also experience that kind of gesture? Will I enter my "fiancé era"? Does my current partner even see me as his future wife?

Whatever my timing is, I hope it’s genuine, ready, and well-thought-out. About the ring? I actually don’t mind the design, you can choose whatever you think fits me. But if you insist and ask me on a deeper level, I just want something simple. Maybe a small diamond? I’m a little bit clumsy, and I might scratch myself with it accidentally hehe! But it still depends on you. It’s actually romantic if you’re the one to pick the design since it means I was on your mind.

I found myself wondering: What if one day he can no longer handle this version of me? The version that is confused, navigating a mid-life crisis, still figuring things out, and just going with the flow.

Watching The Loved One, I saw so much of myself in Ellie. I’m carefree—perhaps to a fault—and I don’t have a concrete plan for my life yet. I fear that one day he might just give up and find someone "worth it" or more settled. If that happens, I’d have to accept it. I love him enough to let him go because he deserves the best, even if that isn't me.

I spent the day as usual. I almost didn't sleep at all, but I still got about an hour. I'm still wondering if you read my message for you. I feel a little guilty for being so hard on you in the past few days before your training, but anyway, it’s done.

I went grocery shopping just to distract myself from the fact that you won't be active for months.

I danced a little just to shrug you out of my mind.

But later on, from 6 pm, 7 pm, up to 9 pm, I was waiting for a chat from you. I was hoping that maybe phones would be allowed, or that you'd be home by the end of the day, but the reality sank in: I can't talk to you for months, and I don't know how long. But I'll still wait for you; I will always wait for you.