Daisyyy

*Hears the new character*

Oh they sound familiar, but why can't I figure out who it is?

~10 seconds later~

Wait....OH MY FUCKING GOD WAS THAT-

asher and babe’s first kiss, written by me, in full detail (jk it’s a draft) based off of the song “kiss her you fool” by Kids That Fly. they/them pronouns are used for babe :)

on the third date they went ice skating. not the best idea. sure, asher was the one to ask them to go skating with him, but he started rethinking that decision when he realized he had no idea how to skate whatsoever. it was nice when babe grabbed his hand to steady him, which only led to them going down with him the next time his skate caught on a small crack in the ice. shit, this was not supposed to be going so horribly.

babe steadies themself and extends a hand for him to take again. “are you ok??”

he almost laughs at how concerned they seem because hello?? he literally just knocked them over and they’re asking if he’s ok?

“yeah, i’m fine! uhahf- are you ok? i mean it’s basically my fault that we fell- god!”

“don’t worry ash, it’s all good,” they smile, and asher thinks he might have died right then and there, “oh, hey! you might want to re-tie your skates, we’ve been on the ice for a while so they might be kinda lose by now.”

he agrees, and tells them that he’s going to the bathroom before they can help him with his skates. he whips out his phone to text milo as soon as the gets in a stall.

Today 7:18 PM

ash: MILO

milo: WHAT

milo: what did you do

milo: wait aren’t you supposed to be on a date right now??

ash: yeah

milo: did you ditch them?? oh my god asher

ash: no!! i’m in the bathroom. and im at the skating rink and things are not going well. like at all

ash: i keep messing things up AHHH

ash: AND I REALLY WANT TO KISS THEM SHAKDJSJ BUT HOWWW

milo: ohh that’s what you’re so worried aboutt

milo: just kiss em you foollllll

ash: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WHEN I FALL OVER EVERY TWO SECONDS??

milo: when the moment happens it’ll happen, just be patient doofus

ash: ugh ok.

milo: NOW GET BACK TO UR DATE YOU GOT THIS KING

ash: OK 😭😭

demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which a person does not experience sexual attraction until a close bond is formed. It exists along the asexuality spectrum.

Demisexuality is not the same as waiting until you trust someone to have sex; that’s a choice anyone, demisexual or otherwise, can make. Being demisexual may influence someone’s behavior and decisions about having sex, as any sexual orientation can.

There’s nothing wrong with waiting to have sex, and demisexuality is not a judgement on people who have casual sex. That said, there is a difference between demisexuality and waiting that can be difficult to grasp from the outside.

From the outside, it looks like demisexuals just wait to be in a serious relationship before having sex with their partner. But the difference is not having sexual attraction at all, to anyone, until that bond is formed, and maybe not even then.

It’s sort of like not being able to see a color. Let’s say red. The thing is, you can’t see what other people see, and they can’t see what you see. So when they describe red as this warm, bright, vibrant thing, and you’re looking at gray, it’s confusing.

Then when one day you’ve formed a bond with someone you haven’t had before and you suddenly do see red, or maybe even just pink, you of course tell everyone you see red — but everyone around you is confused because you’re just describing what they already were seeing.

That’s what being demisexual is like. Not seeing red, no matter what you do, then one day you see it. And maybe over time it fades. Or maybe it changes shade from day to day. Or maybe it becomes gray again, but you still enjoy painting.

But when you explain “I don’t even have red paint, but I found red paint for the first time after I formed a bond with my partner,” people hear, “I don’t make art with my partner with red paint until I form a close bond.”

The thing is they waited to paint with red, and that’s what they expect you to do too. They don’t understand that you literally didn’t have see or even have red in your pallet. Ironically enough they judge those who use red more casually far more than you do.

Therein lies the difference. Allosexuals had red paint the whole time. They’ve seen red for years. Eventually you start to feel like something is wrong with you for not having red paint and you tear your studio apart looking for it.

Then one day someone gives you a new tube of paint. it’s red! and it’s new and to you, very distinct. Sometimes you lose the paint or it runs dry. It doesn’t even always look like red to you. It can turn pink, or gray. And you realize you actually don’t always see red.

You don’t always have red in your pallet. You only even have red paint when you’re in a specific circumstance. But people around you just have it and take it for granted, and so they think you’re just more careful with red paint and trying to feel superior for it.

That’s what being demisexual is like. Adopting the label demisexual is like finding your art movement. Some people judge you for joining the movement. But you’re not doing anything new; you’re just naming what you were already experiencing.

Demisexuality is a part of the asexuality spectrum. It was invented as a term between 2003 and 2006 in discussions about the asexuality spectrum on AVEN forums.

Demisexuality is not just “not having casual sex”. We’re all different. Just like every other sexual orientation.

Everyone is different. Not everyone who waits to have sex is demisexual. Not everyone who has casual sex isn’t. There’s nothing wrong with using the label demisexual if it helps you better understand yourself. There’s nothing wrong with not using it if it doesn’t help you.

Labels are magnets, not stickers. You can put them up and take them down as needed. And if you’re using demisexual on your fridge, I hope you have a great ace week. I’m glad you’re here.