Vaguely Positive

The world feels cold without you in it what can I say you was my world.... it’s lonely now

I’d give anything to hold your hand as you lead me into the inevitable abyss. I long for that love that made me feel like I was already dead.

Everytime it gets to much I just sit in the bath and plug the toaster into and existent ion lead and ask myself is today the day you can do it it hasn’t been yet giving myself the ultimatum seems to stop me trying to fulfill the task at hand. Between that and putting a barrel to your head and hearing the click of empty to wake you up it’s so fucking dark and lonely and after 15 years of silence talking out hasn’t helped. And mental health help for men is unjust maybe I should of just ended it rather than open up. Dairy out still alive.

So today two weeks after I attempted to jump off a 15 story tower block I will speak about trauma and the domestic abuse I suffered from a women. For the first time in 15 years plus the sexual assault done against me because it not correct to say you’ve been raped as a man because women don’t rape as told by therapy line. And people wonder why men sucide rates are up I already feel judged and scared and I’m yet to speak.

I’m in worst places of my life but don’t matter most my dms are from robots trying to get me to subscribe to there cam work ect. Can’t I contemplate sucide without these vultures circling in hopes of scaring bank cards or money subcriptions. But let’s not talk about that eh.