JAILBIRD.

❝          what  if  something  bad  happens    ?          ❞

@daintblue  ,    ♡  !

SEND ‘NOTE’ FOR A GOODBYE LETTER FROM BLUE - ACCEPTING

Pink,

There has not been a day that has passed since we parted where I haven’t been lost in grief. Grief for you, for your rebellion, for the friends that you cherished...the ones you lost. So often I wonder what I could have done better, what I could have done to save them, to save your family, to save you. But it only ever seems to hurt when I try to help; that is the lesson I am being taught. I should have gone with you when you asked me. I was so foolish to stay on Homeworld where no one gives a damn about my existence, where I would be shattered without hesitation for even the slightest misstep. Why would I put myself through that? Why would I reject your offer of salvation, of freedom on Earth without an owner to dictate all that I do? Why would I turn away from a life spent at your side, where I’ve always wanted to be?

It all comes down to cowardice. I am a coward at heart; you have always been so brave...you and Goldy. I wish so desperately that I could have been more like the two of you. The Diamonds know what I did during the rebellion, they know I fed information to you, and soon I will be on trial for my crimes. Perhaps, now, I can be brave enough to have been worthy of the rebellion. Sadly, I don’t think there will be a soul who will remember me for what I did for the rebellion. I’m just a traitor to them sadly.

I wish you could read this. I wish you were still here. I miss you.

Blue.

SEND ‘NOTE’ FOR A GOODBYE LETTER FROM BLUE - ACCEPTING

Lapis,

My dearest, I had not known real love before I knew you. An owner can claim to love their pretty little servant, in the way they love a chair or a ship. It is love for a possession. Real love does not exist on Homeworld, and we both know this; you would be exceedingly lucky to have the privilege of feeling it. Those who have seldom live to tell the tale, and we both know this. Such relations are taboo, strictly forbidden, one would not risk it lest they risk their own shattering. Before I knew you, survival was my priority; pearls can be shattered for the most illogical reasons and none would bat an eye at it; and hardly anyone would ever question a Diamond’s decision to shatter, especially with her disposable servant. To me, survival was the only thing that I had...and so easily you arrived and changed that so quickly.

Truly, I would risk death a thousand times over if that meant I could love you, just once. If it meant I could hold you and kiss you one last time, to tell you that you have changed everything for me, that I would never love another the way I love you, I would do it over and over again. There is no doubt in my mind. You have given me so much more than I was ever made to have, and I will never forget that.

I hope you won’t forget me. I could never forget you.

Blue.

               IT IS UNLIKE ANYTHING YOU’VE EVER HEARD FROM YELLOW’S MOUTH. never has she ever directed malicious tone towards you, much less even a sliver of a negativity in your direction. the two of you, different as you are, have always known each other so well, held each other in struggle, danced with one another for your diamonds...but you do not have a diamond anymore. you are a free pearl, free from blue diamond’s grief-induced powers and free from the cage of servitude, but...but yellow isn’t. yellow is loyal to her diamond still, regardless of the fact that she has not yet reported your presence, regardless of how the two of you have been sisters for millennia. 

               SO MANY TIMES YOU WONDER WHAT GOLDY WOULD THINK OF YOU NOW. PART OF YOU NEVER WANTS TO KNOW HOW SHE WOULD FEEL ABOUT THIS SITUATION.

               YOU ARE SO TAKEN ABACK THAT YOU STEP AWAY. will you ever know a life without pain and suffering? will you ever see a day where you do not accidentally harm the ones you care for? will you ever learn that to feel is to cause pain?     “i didn’t mean to leave you behind. please, i...i want to make it right. come with me, yellow. think of what we could do...together.”

SEND ‘NOTE’ FOR A GOODBYE LETTER FROM BLUE - ACCEPTING

My Diamond     Mistress     Your Radiance

Blue Diamond,

Believe it or not, I knew about fear. Fear was a parasite that would cling to my form, it would hold onto me with its claws digging into me. Fear was a bottomless pit that I continuously fell through and no matter what, I could never reach the bottom. Instead I plummeted until someone saw fit to just put me out of my misery. Fear was when you shifted the slightest bit in your seat, when your eyes narrowed, when your voice cut through your gritted teeth. Fear was knowing that if the cause of your frustration would not receive your wrath, then it would be me receiving it instead. Fear is knowing that you serve no real purpose and your life could end at any given moment, and yet still you try to prove them wrong.

Believe it or not, I knew about chaos. Chaos is an endless ladder that many become addicted to; they flirt with chaos like it is a game, but also like it is life and death. So many who climb it fall and never get to make another attempt; their risk was their own downfall. I have lived a long time, and I have seen countless gems fall from the ladder; quartzes, agates, pearls...diamonds. And you must have noticed that I’ve emphasized more than one diamond, haven’t you? Because I do not speak of just Pink Diamond whom you have endlessly mourned; you, too, have fallen and you will never get a chance to make another attempt. Grief has torn you to pieces, and when the time comes, so will Homeworld.

Believe it or not, I knew about pain. I have never known a life without pain, Blue Diamond, and that is all because of you. You have been the star of each and every one of my nightmares, and never have I been able to rest without thinking of all the ways you could turn me to dust. And perhaps that would have been a gift, a blessing, to be dust instead of a doll. Was that not what I was to you? A toy made of glass, easily breakable, easily replaceable, easy to pawn off your grief and force me to my knees and cry tears that did not belong to me? Pain is giving everything you have to someone and knowing that you mean nothing to them. Pain is knowing that when you die, there is not a single person in the galaxy who will miss you.

I am at peace now. Perhaps it will be the one good thing you’ve given me.

-Pearl.