oh sprinklefucks

Kid: *holds shroud*

Instructor: LET GO OF THE SHROUD

Kid: BUT IT WENT UP MY ASS

Horrible movie

Not even about Black Widow (?)

Black Widow isn't even a widow, she was never married (it's a spider??)

She never avenged her husband (why does a female lead's story have to revolve around a male???)

Friend: No, I’m real! Stay with me here!

Friend: Of course not, I would go blind

Me: I’d be the next Medusa, everyone who gazes upon me would become hard as stone.

Friend:

I was dreaming that I had a girlfriend, and just as I was leaning in for a kiss, a pause button filled my vision, my VR goggles were removed, and some fucking technician was pointing and laughing about how I was actually single, and my girlfriend was just a simulation.

Also when said teacher tells everyone to “get into the closet” and my first thought, despite being straight, is that it takes so much effort to come out

the first is sci fi, the second is fantasy because im a nerd like that

tldr depression and impatience are bitches

It was a calm and quiet night on the southern hemisphere of Astoria. It could even be described as ordinary, by any stretch of the word. Alien insects softly sang, and the stars cast a soft smile across the street. I paused to take in the night, and my heart soared as I saw the great city walls of the settlement. My thoughts lost in space, my rover slowly drifted to a halt. I snapped to attention. This was odd; I had refueled it only yesterday. Vexed, I exited the vehicle, puzzling over what had happened. That was when I felt it. A chill passed through me, as if I had been stabbed in the heart with an ice dagger. My muscles tensed. Suddenly on edge, my eyes darted from shadow to shadow. There was nothing there except shadow itself, and yet the shadow felt oddly ethereal. It wasn’t quite alive, but it wasn’t quite dead either. I stared at my shadow as it solidified, and began approaching me. It was like me, but simultaneously the opposite of me. It was as if I were staring at myself, if I didn’t exist. It was me, without my life energy. The horrible realization of what I was facing came to me. I was staring into the void that was the Depression Monster. My mind protested at its presence. This was a safe area; one that had been long settled and well defended from the great beasts of the Unknown Regions! In my heart, however, I knew the truth: this monster was different. It could live among us, silently, undetected. It was one with the shadows, moving undetected. No wall would keep it out. It could strike at any time, no matter how well fortified the city might be. I could feel the cold seeping into my core, and I became distinctly aware of how alone I was. I knew that it wouldn’t be long before it had drained me beyond the point where I could face it alone. I had to find allies; I had to find support. As the monster reached out, my soul pounded at the inside of my chest, as it was slowly ripped out in excruciating numbness. Panicking, I desperately sent a distress call. The signal would be weak, but the monster could not stifle it entirely. As the Night overtook me, I faded away from the world. I could only hope that my call would be heard, and that any passing patrol would even bother to heed it.

“Where do you stake out for speeders?”

“Do you carry a gun?”

“You said you liked the game “Cops and Robbers from a young age; why didn’t you become a robber?”

“How can I get inside the local prison?”