#dadtalk

I just told the carpenter across the street to stick a hammer up his ass I'll look at his project from the street as much as I want. Said he'd give me a tour of the place later, just cause I'm dressed like a bum, god people like that piss me off!

I wanna get home early so I can a few hours of sleep before the rats wake me up

Look! A girl on a skateboard![Looks at me in shock, clearly wondering why I'm not shocked] In my day, it wasn't a part of the culture

I love that band. Yup, that's another one of those with a girl bassist.

I love going to the wrecking yard with your mother, she’s so damn cute. There were actually three women there [interject] — they were lezzies. [interject] one of them was a butch, and the other, and that’s just great

[Shouting] Ya, I offered to take him to get his ass tubed, I think it weirded him out a little…

He’s a spoiled little rich boy who deserves to be smacked in the mouth, but the things he does with a golf ball amaze me. Really, anytime somebody who makes less money than him sees him they should smack him in the chops, when he asks um why, say “because your Phil Mickelson!”

I gotta go get the titty soap and -- what? You know exactly what I mean!

Oh NO! Not that damn hebrew alphabet AGAIN!!

That’s not a ballerina. I’ve never seen a ballerina with boobs in my life.

Son you've got so much hormones we could lick ya like a toad to get high

You'll lose your balls before you get a chance to enjoy um

What made ya focus on the hands instead of the butts or the boobs or somethin like that?? What, what's so funny? You take a hundred guys my age and 60 of em are gonna ask the same thing

["Well Ander's twelve and he's five foot ten now"] He's taller than you? What's he thinkin? Doesn't the little bastard know his place on the food chain? What? What's so funny? I don't get why you think that's funny.

Open the door so this bolivian smell doesn't kill the house

These guys are supposed to represent 2014? Time to kill ourselves