I'm not afraid of death

I think about suicide on a daily basis

And I have a feeling in my body that just screams “I want do die”

But I just never do it

It’s going to hurt when you realize it’s not me

It’s going to hurt when it stops being us

And it starts just being me

And then you

I’ll only know a time in my life of what it was like with you and what it’ll be like after

And it’s going to hurt when someone asks me about you and I’ll only have memories and maybe your favorite color will change and you won’t tell me

So I won’t know

And my best friend will say “do you miss him?”

And I’ll lie and say ‘no’ so it hurts less

But I’ll miss you every day

I miss you now and you aren’t even gone yet

And I’m going to try to enjoy it because it’ll be a memory soon and I hate looking into the future

But everyone leaves

And everyone includes you.