Trying Not To Relapse

ⓘ This user doesn't know what to do anymore.

The worse thing about splitting is that once i hate someone i feel like an idiot for ever liking them in the first place because they are this horrible person and then once i'm back to idealizing and loving them again i feel guilty for ever thinking anything negative about them because they are literally perfect and this is a never ending cycle

I hate having bpd so fucking much. I hate how I feel the urge to push everyone that loves me away. I hate sitting on the bathroom floor rocking back and forth because I don’t know what to do. I hate being called dramatic because I’m unable to control how I react to everything around me. I hate that people will never understand what it’s truly like be inside my head.

No really because what did I do to deserve a brain this fucked up

sometimes it just hurts and there is nothing you can do about it

i think i simply cannot take it anymore <3 like genuinely cannot take it i . cannot do this

ppl be like “why do you make your disorder your whole personality” Rebecca my whole personality IS a disorder

please be patient with me i am experiencing horrors unknown to you at all times

i can’t believe me “trying my best” is just me showering regularly and eating normally. mental illness is so humbling 

Everything you thought was drowning you was teaching you how to swim.

“Almost. It’s a big word for me. I feel it everywhere. Almost home. Almost happy. Almost changed. Almost, but not quite. Not yet. Soon, maybe.”