♰ no one truly cares if I die. I promise that. everyone will be fine if I do.

♰ we are supposed to do everything together, but my chosen label for you is fading. it's fading the more I try to be social. I can't be happy anymore.

♰ these monsters know they have power over me and are never ashamed to use it. I hate it. just let me be happy and loved.

♰ you don't love me, no one ever loves me, you people just want something from me, I will never be able to have friends or loved ones.

♰ I THOUGHT YOU LIKED ME.

♰ no one will ever love me, never. not with the way I am. i'm such a crybaby for someone with low empathy. I feel abandonment from everything. I can't be left alone, or I will want to kill myself. it's the worst feeling. you watched something without me that we were supposed to watch together? I can't handle that. you need to call someone for a few hours that isn't me? I can't handle that. I feel burnt out whenever I fall in love because all of my energy then goes into trying to keep myself together. I can't be in love. it's not safe for my own mental health.

♰ they tell me to believe in such an evil god. if that god is real, he's either weak or evil. he gave us free will for no good reason. he wanted to see what we'd do with it? he's god, shouldn't he have known? he has a plan for everyone, but he just can't stop rape because he gave us free will. evil needs to balance out good? evil doesn't need to exist, he just lets it exist. unless he truly isn't that strong.

♰ it's only been three days? I really am losing my perception on time. that's messing with my brain. I can't think well anymore. I thought it'd been a week at least, but it hasn't. how long have I been on tumblr again? I can't remember. maybe two weeks? I swear it's been a few months.

♰ I have to go visit him for a party. I have to go to his trailer home. i'll have to sit in the same living room where he had his dog do terrible things. I don't want to see bill. I don't want to see his new dog. I don't want to see his face, or his wife, or that tan carpet. why can't I back out of this? oh right. no one but me, the people i've told online, bill, and his wife know about what happened. how could I even prove it now? it's been eight years. I can't think too hardly about this. i'm just going to get hammered and stay outside during the party.

♰ i'm sorry you seem to be confused about the type of man I am. having dpd doesn't mean i'm going to be your pushover, bitch, I want to kill your ass. i'm not some fucking animal.

♰ I don't know how to not need someone. I don't know how to not need to cling to someone that gives me attention. I need to be loved to keep functioning. my life is botched enough, the least I could have is someone that will sit down with me and talk.

♰ I hate that i'm dying and no one can let me do it peacefully. I have an illness that is causing me to waste away, and when I try to be even slightly positive about it, or even silly, people take it so seriously. i'm the one dying! not you! stop acting like my dying is inconveniencing you because you have to “think of a future without me”! I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT A FUTURE WITHOUT ME TOO!

♰ I can't be loved, I can't hold love long term. I freak out when i'm loved, and if someone i'm in love with shows even a hint of disliking me for a moment, I just want to die. I don't want to be around when they don't like me.

♰ I didn't know it was bad, I just knew that it hurt.