I’ve made an oath to never watch Adam Sandler and you should too!

someone has to watch him at all times or he will escape

Yes I can do it

3 spoons of warm oil doesnt even sound bad tbh lmao

there are too many versions of me in the universe! the girl i bumped into but didn’t stop to say sorry to has a version of me in her mind. the guy i let borrow my homework has another version of me in his. even my friends, my family, and everyone i’ve ever met in my life has their own version of me in their minds that i’m not even aware of

you put it into words

Interesting

when your math teacher is moving on to the next chapter but you still don’t know anything

A little girl and her mom were looking at me at the coffee shop this morning and I heard her mom say “go on, it’s ok!” and the little girl shuffled up to me and said “ex-cuse me please, do you have to put on your tattoos by yourself every DAY or does your mom help you?” I am d y i n g

Me when I rode my first 13" dick

HOLY FUCK I HAVEN’T LAUGHED THIS HARD IN CENTURIES

omg that’s awesome and i want to do it

When you’re mom comes home earlier than she said she would…

HAHAHAH