JN: Wait there’s one member missing… SG: WHO IS IT!?!? WHO IS IT??!

“What the fuck? How long have you been sitting there staring at me?”

Daehyun takes off his thick framed black glasses to wipe clean on his shirt before answering. The glasses have no lenses. Jongup finds it unfortunate that he still manages to look cute while being a huge weirdo.

“I lost track of time around 3am and just sort of floated in a brain-induced state of sensory deprivation.”

“So you didn’t sleep? We have like six different meetings before the show tonight, hyung’s gonna kill you.”

Daehyun waves off the concern.

“My body requires very little sleep these days. Besides I counted all the freckles on your body. There are twenty three and one quarter.”

Jongup checks under the covers that he’s still wearing pants. He is, and that makes him both more and less confused.

“You touched me while I was sleeping? Bro that’s kind of creepy. And gay.”

Daehyun sniffs.

“You make it sound so cheap. It was reverent. You have a very nice butthole.”

“Hyung!”

“Do you bleach it, Jongup? Just tell me I won’t tell Himchan hyung I promise.”

“No I don’t bleach it. Who the fuck is gonna be looking at my asshole that I would even need to.”

“Hmm, you’re right. I’m more comfortable being the only one. By the way, you have a freckle near your balls, which are extraordinarily heavy while you’re asleep. They never seem that big or weighty when you’re awake. Why do you suppose that is?”

“I–”

“No no don’t worry I don’t think it’s anything to be concerned about I simply harbor idle curiosity.”

“Do you do this to Junhong at home too? The creepy pervert thing?”

Daehyun looks down his nose at Jongup. The glasses slip down as well. He looks very dumb and condescending. Possibly also lustful, although Jongup can never really tell with him.

“My beautiful, lush dongsaeng, I do it to everyone. It’s part of how we grow closer as a band.”

“I’m not going to touch that black hole of moral ambiguity. Listen, I’m gonna go shower, and before you even ask, no, you are not invited. I think you’ve seen enough of my body for the day.”

“Ahh, but there is always tonight, sweetheart.”

Jongup frowns. “I hate you.”

Daehyun, inexplicably, blushes.

“Your honor it was Taehyung I saw him with my own two eyes.”

“Please stop calling me ‘your honor’.”

“Your esteemed grace–”

“Jungkook, please shut up. It wasn’t Tae.”

“Yes! It was! It was V hyung and not me in any way!”

“I literally saw you put it back in my closet why are you throwing him under the bus? Did he call you little again?”

“I am NOT little and I’ll throw you up in the air to prove it.”

“I don’t need you to demonstrate you dweeb can you just admit you slept with my hoodie while I was gone?”

Jimin was unaware Jungkook’s eyes could go so wide and unblinking.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about I don’t even need sleep.”

“Jungkook–”

“And anyway it’s not like you didn’t take my beanie with you!”

Jimin counts to ten very slowly.

“That’s because you put it on my head and told me not to catch a cold. In thirty degree weather.”

Jungkook opens his mouth. Closes it. Opens it again.

“You. Well. It’s not like you took it off! It reeks of sweat!”

Jimin counts back down from ten. It’s not working.

“You’re right. I didn’t take it off. Why didn’t I take it off, Jungkook?”

Jungkook scowls.

“I don’t know probably because you like making my life miserable. I’ll have to wash it at least twice to get the smell out. Honestly you’re so inconsiderate, hyung.”

Jimin gives up.

“You are utterly hopeless.” He takes the hat off and tosses it at Jungkook’s chest. “Here’s your hat back, thanks for the insult, if you try to sleep in my bed tonight prepare for a black eye, asshole.”

Taehyung walks into the room as Jimin walks out, and before he closes the door to his bedroom he hears Jungkook’s voice drift down the hall.