Jayce Hart

CASSIDY HARPER

Had this been anyone but Jayce, Cassie wouldn’t have done this in person. In fact, no. Had this been anyone but Jayce, there would’ve been no relationship for her to end, whether in person or not, because Cassie didn’t do relationships. She wasn’t good at them. She wasn’t good at letting other people love her, because she absolutely didn’t love herself, and she knew she sucked at anything that wasn’t purely physical. If, though, for some strange, unknown reason she had agreed to date anyone else, she would’ve broken up with them via text message, most likely. Either that, or she would’ve just ghosted. It was different with Jayce, though. She’d tried, but she couldn’t bring herself to do the former, and the latter wasn’t even an option. Jayce was too big a part of her life for her to just disappear on him. She hoped that, at some point, maybe they could go back to what they used to be; best friends who were secretly in love with each other. There would be no chance of that if Cassie ghosted on him.

Since she didn’t do this often, she had no idea what to expect here. She wasn’t sure whether Jayce would yell, or beg, or literally just walk away. Truthfully, she would’ve probably preferred any one of those things to what he actually did. The way he looked down, the way she could see the corner of his eye crinkling as she dared herself to look at him. If his expression hadn’t given away the fact that he was at least tearing up, then the slight quiver of his voice would’ve, and that was more heartbreaking to Cassie than anything else. Any hope she had of holding back her own tears was gone right there and then, and they slid down her cheeks against her will, landing in her lap. “Of course you deserve a better explanation,” she said, the sound of her own pathetic crying voice making her want to get up and run, but she stayed put. Well, save for twisting her body slightly to face her boyfriend… ex boyfriend. “You don’t get it, Jayce. You deserve so much more than this.” Cassie had not planned on giving him a real explanation, but he was right, he deserved one. If nothing else, he at least deserved this.

“Do you see me?” she asked, looking down at her own uncomfortably thin body. Even in the oversized sweater she wore—which was pretty much killing her, given the weather—that was intended to cover up her body, the terrible state it was in was obvious. “I’m a fucking mess.” Cassie’s least favorite subject was her appearance, but it was the root of almost all of her problems, including this one. “This is a lot for me, okay? My baggage. It’s too much for me. And I’m not okay with putting it on you, too.” Her intention had been to say what she had to say, get out of there, then have this breakdown at home, but evidently her emotions had other plans, and Cassie was crying pretty damn hard. “I hate myself. I feel constantly exhausted, and constantly drained. Do you know how tiring that is? To wake up every day and wish you weren’t here, and then to see someone who actually makes you not hate yourself so much, and realize that you’re depending on them to make you happy? It’s too much, I can’t do it,” she shook her head, standing up quickly, “I can’t do this. I can’t do it.”

JAYCE HART

Jayce wasn't an idiot. He knew that Cassie wasn't perfect. Who was? There was a time where he saw her as such. She was his fantasy girl, meaning that in his eyes; she could do no wrong. In order for them to be together, he had to stop thinking that way. When he stopped seeing her as a fantasy and started seeing her as his friend, he realized that his feeling for her were genuine. He fell for her as a person, flaws and all; rather than the girl he imagined her as before. They never talked about her problems. He knew that they were there and he wanted to be there for her. He just didn't know how. How would he even bring it up? It's not like he could force her to talk to him. Or force her to eat. It wasn't a simple problem, so it wouldn't have a simple fix. The problem was: Jayce was a simple guy. Did he think her problems were going to go away? Of course he didn't. Did he think he could help her, though? Absolutely. He loved her. If he knew how to help, he would do it. He just didn't know how.

Despite knowing that she had these problems, he never once thought that he deserved better. He never once considered that he wasn't lucky to have her. Jayce didn't look at Cassie and see her as damaged. He saw the girl he's always known. The strong, beautiful girl that he's been crazy about for years. It broke his heart to hear her say that he deserved better. Their relationship may have been short lived, but these feelings didn't come out of nowhere. He's been in love with her for as long as he could remember. When they finally decided to be together, it was pretty much a dream come true for him. He got what he's' always wanted. Not once since then has he been disappointed by it. It wasn't exactly like he had imagined, but that was okay with him. It was even better. It was real. "It isn't up to you to decide what I deserve. That is my choice." He said, forcing himself to look up at her. His eyes were glossed over with tears. It was getting harder to hold them back, though that didn't stop him from trying. He just didn't want to cry.

CASSIDY HARPER

They’d only been together for a couple months, but for the last few weeks of their short relationship, Cassie had been pulling away more and more. In the beginning, they’d been with each other constantly, and if for some reason they couldn’t be together, if Cassie had a shoot or Jayce was filming one of his videos for his channel, they’d be texting the entire time until they could be together again. That was what a new relationship was supposed to be like. They weren’t supposed to be out of the honeymoon phase yet, and despite how Cassie didn’t want to be, she’d been acting like they were. All she wanted when she woke up alone was to see her boyfriend, or at least to talk to him. She knew she was becoming too reliant on him, though. Jayce was a good distraction from all of her problems, and Cassie knew that wasn’t fair to anyone. Especially not to him.

Ending things with him felt like the fairest option, and Cassie thought that she would be able to do it much more easily than this. That was a ridiculous assumption, though, because she knew how much she cared about Jayce. She’d known she’d cared about him for a long time. She knew she’d been in love with him for a long time, not that she’d outright admit that. Everything had only intensified for her when they’d begun dating, so nothing about this was easy. She was stupid to think it would be. Seeing Jayce right there in front of her only made it harder, and Cassie felt like an idiot for crying, but she couldn’t help herself. There was really no point in trying to hold it back, because she knew she wouldn’t get through the whole conversation without breaking down, so why bother? Nodding her head when he patted the spot on the couch beside him, she lifted her hand to brush a tear from her cheek; it’d fallen along with the movement, then cautiously walked over to the couch, perching down on the furthest edge of it.

Cassie knew she should’ve prepared something to say. She didn’t even know what excuse she was going to give him, and she knew she couldn’t tell him the truth. Jayce had always been there for her, she knew that if she told him she couldn’t be with him because he deserved better than her, he’d fight her on it. She didn’t have the energy to fight, especially not now. “This isn’t working,” she eventually said in a small voice, glancing up at him through her wet lashes. “I wish I could give you more of an explanation than that, but I can’t. This is all I have.” It was obvious that there was much more to it than she was letting on. Otherwise, why would she be crying right now? “I told you before we started this, I have a lot of baggage,” she whispered, surprising herself that she was coming out with more truth than she meant to. “I’m not gonna put that on you anymore. I can’t. I’m sorry, Jayce. You can fight me on this all you want, but I’m not going to fight back, and I’m not going to change my mind.” She took a breath, afraid of choking on her next words, her voice smaller still. “I’m ending this.”

JAYCE HART

Jayce had never been the type of guy to do serious relationships. He’s had some girlfriends in the past, but they were never anything too serious. His longest relationship was probably a few weeks and he was never sad to see them end. He was much more interested in the physical part that came with a relationship. Even if he sort of liked the girl, which is how she got the girlfriend title, he would bail when she started talking about serious stuff. For example: he doesn’t meet parents, he doesn’t celebrate anniversaries, and he never changed his status online. As ridiculous as it sounds, he knew that it would go back to single, so there was no point. He always thought he did all of that simply because he didn’t want anything too serious. The idea of settling down would send him running. He never considered that maybe he was holding out hope that he would settle down with the one person he actually had feelings for. No other girl ever came close to Cassie. He was in love with her. He probably has been for a long time, he was just done denying that he was. To himself. He wouldn’t dare say it out loud.

Maybe because he was so happy, he didn’t consider that something could be wrong between them. He noticed that they didn’t talk as much, and he would be the ones to start most of their conversations now, but he wasn’t trying to think too much about it. He and Cassie were finally together. It was no longer a fantasy he made up in his mind. They were actually together and he was happy about it. He couldn’t even deny how happy. He thought that the feeling was mutual. It had only been a couple of months. They couldn’t have been out of the honeymoon phase, yet, right? Or at least that’s what he thought. He didn’t know how long the honeymoon phase actually lasted, but he assumed it was a lot longer than this. Did it make a difference that they’ve known each other so long? It made sense in his head, since they wouldn’t know how to act like boyfriend and girlfriend.... Then again, it didn’t make that much since, because he liked acting like her boyfriend more than her best friend. It wasn’t even a hard transition, it just happened naturally for him. Like they had been together this entire time. Or like they should have been. 

CASSIDY HARPER

There had been plenty of reasons Cassie hadn’t wanted to be with Jayce, and none of them were to do with him. First and foremost, she knew she was just not very good at relationships. How was anyone who was as self-destructive as her supposed to keep a relationship alive and thriving, right? The second reason was because of this. She was terrified of the day something went wrong, and the relationship they’d built would have to end. It was no secret that Cassie was not an optimist, so she’d expected this day to come. She just hadn’t expected it yet, that was all.

Convincing herself that this was the right decision had taken much longer than she would’ve liked, but ultimately, she knew that it was. Jayce deserved a girlfriend who he could go out to dinner with without her pushing what little food she’d ordered around her plate, then leaving to go throw up whatever she’d forced herself to eat. He deserved someone who didn’t feel so exhausted from lack of food and energy that she never felt like doing anything or going anywhere. He deserved so much more than her, so breaking up with him was the right thing to do. It was for him, not for her. Cassie was a selfish person, she knew she was. But not with Jayce.

The ride to his house took longer than usual, but that was because she meant it to. She’d taken a detour, then another one, because she knew that the sooner she got to Jayce’s place, the sooner this would all be over. They were best friends, but that would be ruined now, too. She wasn’t ready to lose him. She couldn’t keep putting it off forever, though, so eventually headed towards his house, unsure of how she even managed to get out of the car and walk over to his door, but she did it. So far, she’d managed to hold it together. She was sad, but she could hold her emotions in. However, the moment she stepped foot into the house, her eyes landing on Jayce, they instantly began to glaze over with tears.

“We need to talk,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself and not daring to look him in the eye. “Can we sit down?”

JAYCE HART

It was no doubt that this was Jayce's favorite time of year. He was a California boy at heart, which meant he took full advantage of his summer vacation. Most of his time was spent at the skate park, trying and failing some new moves he's seen online. If he saw someone doing something awesome, especially someone who was younger than him, he would have to prove that he could do it, too. Sometimes it took him all day, sometimes it took him longer. He was way too proud to admit he couldn't do something. That's what he planned on doing that day, since it was a Friday and he had nothing else to do. He would have liked to spend it with his girlfriend; if he had even heard from her that day. It was weird that he hadn't gotten a text from her that morning. The only reason it didn't bother him too much was because he could have texted her, too, so that would make him a hypocrite. He had every intention of texting her when he got home. Since it was particularly hot that day, he decided that surfing was better than skating. The water felt amazing and he could have stayed in there all day. He would have gone swimming at his own house; if he even had water in it. He drained it to film himself skating and hasn't filled it up since. Besides, he can’t surf in his pool at home.

Walking into his house; he was starting to think that maybe not being able to surf wasn't so bad. As much as he liked it, he sure as hell didn't like that he could literally feel sand everywhere. He still planned on texting his girlfriend, but first, he had to at least get in the shower. Not only was that uncomfortable, he planned on asking Cassie to come over for a bit. It wouldn't be much fun if he was full of sand the entire time. He left his cell phone and keys on his coffee table before running into his bathroom, needing to get all of the sand off of him quick. After surfing, he usually enjoyed a nice hot shower. The point of swimming was to cool himself off, but the water was way too fucking cold sometimes. Plus, the hot water was relaxing. This time, though, he was quick to removed the sand and get out to get dressed. He was eager to get a hold of his girlfriend. With his hair all wet; wearing only a pair of shorts, he walked into the living room to grab his phone. Before he could even send a messaged, the very girl he had been thinking about just walked right in. Not that it was a problem, she was his girl, but he was surprised to see her. Happy, but surprised.

CASSIDY HARPER

It probably said something positive that Cassie was nervous as she sat here beside Jayce, because of the kind of conversation they were about to have, but that she hadn’t been nervous when it came down to physical things with him. That had all just felt comfortable. It had all felt right, like it was something they should’ve been doing forever now. It was a good kind of nervous as far as their conversation, though. Because, hopefully, it would have a positive outcome. Of course, Cassie hadn’t really taken into account that she’d have to spill her feelings, too. She’d been content with letting Jayce do the talking, but it was going to be her turn at some point. It was only natural that he’d want to know how she felt, so she couldn’t really blame him for asking. It didn’t make it any easier for her to talk, though.

Chewing gently on her lower lip, she paused, opening her mouth to speak, but couldn’t. Instead, she just gave him a bashful smile, something Cassie definitely wasn’t known for. “You know I suck at this,” she laughed somewhat awkwardly, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear. It was like some weird, nervous reaction, something she wasn’t used to. If she didn’t care about him as much as she did, she wouldn’t have been acting like this. Despite being embarrassed about how pathetic she was being, she knew it was better than her not caring, and hopefully Jayce knew her well enough to realize that, too.

“You do make me smile,” she eventually said, her lips easing into an easy, natural smile as she looked at him. It wasn’t forced; just good timing. “I think it’s obvious how I feel about you, Jayce. I don’t know how happy I could make you,” her smile faded, but she continued, “In fact, I think I’d make you the opposite, which is why I’m so hesitant. I’m not a good person, and I’m not saying that so you’ll disagree with me. I won’t believe you even if you do.” This time, she gave him a sympathetic smile as she squeezed his hand back. “I can try to be better, though. Because I’m too selfish to pass up on letting you make me as happy as I know you could. As my boyfriend.” Cassie lifted her hand to cup his cheek, leaning in to gently press her lips to his, then pulled back just a little, keeping her hand where it was and managing to make eye contact. “I do. I want you to be. As far as I’m concerned, you’re already mine.”

JAYCE ANDERSON

Jayce never imagined that they would actually be having this talk. It probably had something to do with the fact that he had been denying his feelings for so long. Once he finally admitted them out loud, it was like he couldn’t stop himself if he had tried. Being honest sounds easy enough, but it actually took him a really long time. He doesn’t know when Cassie started feeling the same way about him. He could only assume that it had been recently, since she obviously knew how he felt. Despite the fact that he thought he was being totally subtle, everyone knew. He had more time to come to terms with his feelings. Cassie didn’t. Whether that made a difference or not, he didn’t know. Maybe asking for her to talk about her feelings was selfish? Or maybe he deserved to know. He was just as bad as this as she was. The only difference was, he wasn’t afraid to admit it anymore. 

“I do know that.” He chuckled, giving her hand a light squeeze. He hoped that she could at least find comfort in it, since he wasn’t really good at making people feel better. He was at least trying, because he didn’t want her to feel weird about anything. Even if things were kind of weird. Suddenly realizing that you’re falling for your best friend would do that to you. Still, he seemed to be the one taking the lead here, which was probably for the best. “It’s just me. You can tell me anything. You do know that, right?” If there was one thing that he didn’t want to change, it was the way they could always be honest with each other. Besides the crush he kept from her for all these years, he always felt like he told her everything. He wanted to feel like they could always do that.

Hearing Cassie say he made her smile only made him smile. The smile didn’t last very long, though. He couldn’t understand how Cassie didn’t see how happy she already made him. They didn’t have to be together for that. Just having her in his life in general made things better. He didn’t even know what qualified as being a ‘good’ person, anyway. Was anyone really a good person? He didn’t feel like he was one, either. When he thought about it, though, he couldn’t see her as anything other than a really amazing person. “Really?” He finally spoke up, the smile returning to his face; only much bigger this time. The moment she kissed him was honestly the happiest he’s ever felt.