Trigger Warnings: Murder/death and general triggers often associated with fantasy cults.
Theme: Through the Looking-Mirror, and What Mary Found There by t=Node (Mary the Magician Arrange)
tl;dr: They had to leave, since their hunter was roaming close. They had to keep themselves alive, keep their faith alive, and keep their legacy alive. It was really ironic, considering how the ones that ended up killing his parents was Fan himself, muttering the mantras in a wild attempt at keeping himself steady. No one questioned him when he showed up at the next town alone.
Brown hair. A traditional smoking pipe. Fiery feathers. A mild smile. Their enemy. âUnderstood, mother, father.â He understood, alright. His parents were getting more and more obsessed with this murderer every single day, spending hours praying in the altar room, breathing more incense than air. He admittedly couldnât truthfully say that he cared much, for this rogue Food Soul and his parents both. Ever since his laoshi had left, he steadily started feeling more and more detached. It was... easier, for him. He was thinking, naturally, and if his parents could see his thoughts theyâd be horrified at the saturation of his mind, at the sacrilegious questions that never seemed to stop spinning around even as he smiled mildly and prayed blindingly.
Anyway. His parents. Obsessed, they were. To the point where they followed every little snippet of information that they could gather to report back to God about. Not like God of all beings would need to be told things like that, but their rationality was clearly not strong enough to consider that. Eventually, it ended up being the start of a big change for Fan.
Apparently, the âfire-breathing phoenixâ was steadily hunting those of their faith down, refusing to let even a single member survive. Fan couldnât help but inwardly think that was actually quite fair, considering how he was up to his forearms in blood whenever he looked at a mirror. Still, he appropriately hissed in outrage at the mention of another believer in a nearby town being violently killed in the middle of the street, and easily acquiesced to their abrupt moving from the place he had lived in his whole life.
He said tearful goodbyes to the uncles and aunties, realizing quite suddenly that it wasnât all fake after all-- as each of them pushed more food into his hands than he could ever hope to eat, the hot liquid running down his face made his heart quiver. None of these people knew him, not really-- but they knew him enough, and he knew enough about them. He had taken them for granted, hadnât he? Maybe it was on purpose... After all, many who he didnât know personally ended up on the altar. He didnât want to falter when it ended up being someone he did know.
Maybe the best thing he could do for them was leave after all. Of course, taking his parents along with him.
In any case, they still werenât his biggest regret for leaving the town. No... it was his collection of books, sneakily hidden under a floorboard, pages lovingly worn from long nights reading by candlelight. He didnât want to leave them behind... but he had to, if he didnât want to be discovered. He had to.
...He took with himself just one.
It was, predictably, a mistake.
âWhat... have I done...?â
White noise filled his brain as he peered at the blood underneath his nails. The night was calm. An owl hooted somewhere from far away as a soft breeze caressed the leaves of the forest.
He hated how calm everything was, including himself.
Fan wasnât sure how long he sat there, but as the moon drifted across the sky he slowly got moving, grabbing a gardening spade from their luggage and mechanically shoving it into the dirt. He forgot his own hunger, forgot dread, forgot tiredness. Finally, he made a sizable if somewhat shallow hole, gently cradling the bodies and laying them to rest under a mound of dirt alongside his bloodied clothes and anything he didnât need.
Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. The spade patted the dirt flat to the rhythm of brass bells, ringing for their God to come grant them riches and salvation. The mantras fell from his lips in a trance, but there was no purple smoke here, no fog to cloud his mind and show him hallucinations-- Just the peeking of golden sunlight reflecting off the spade and happy sparrows twittering as they overlook his work. He could imagine his laoshi laughing at the irony of it all, and he couldnât help the hysterical chuckles that bubbled up from his lungs.
No one questioned him when he arrived at the next town over, battered and dirty, weeping about how his parents were dead holding off a Fallen to let him escape. He was very experienced at acting, after all, and this kind of story was common.
Locking himself in his inn room, Fan leaned against the sink, staring at himself in the mirror. For once, he wasnât focusing on his bloody hands, but his haunted eyes instead. âOh dear. That needs some fixing.â Muttering in a vaguely Zebul-like fashion, he traced the dark bags under his reflectionâs eyes. âWould the phoenix applaud me, I wonder... Mm. Maybe, but then heâd surely kill me, right?â He laughed quietly.
The laughter grew, until it pained his chest.
Not louder. Just more forcefully.
As if the lives he had claimed were trying to crawl out of his body.
âWeâre not special, mother, father.â
He smiled brightly, like wet paper.
âThe truth is, everything was a lie to justify our own selfishness. Right? Weâre not enlightened. We arenât blessed with salvation. We arenât any less of a sinner than the people we sacrificed.â
He crumbled, like wet paper.
âActually, you know... Arenât we the worst? Haha.â
Pressing his palm against the mirror, Fanâs eyes twitched, gaze jumping among his fingers.
â...Donât worry, mother, father. Iâll remain faithful. For you, and for me. Itâs the least I can do as the one who robbed you of everything, right?Â
But... sorry. Iâll also go my own way. Let me reconstruct myself. Itâs the least you can do as the ones who fucked me over since the beginning, right?
Yes.
The Fan that the market uncles and aunties knew is more deserving of this world than me, anyway.
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nuh â ! he skitters back just enough to stay close but keep watch on the other from BEHIND; walking side by side with a fallen could only give him CHILLS, and a slight distance meant that his glare could hold on the back of this guy â the idea that he was watching was more important than anything right now. Â
â âŚwe ainât the ONLY ones. â  he wants to cross his arms and huff at the suggestion: itâs not like he was alone! nobody else was just as DEDICATED to the forest as him. the attitudeâs cut quick the moment the other continues on, though - and so is the air between them by the unhappy flail of his machete and his own high, disgusted WHINE.  â eew- i thought you were gonna COMPLIMENT me! â then again, this was a fallen. whyâd he ever think that?  â you tricked me! i thought you were gonna call me COOL, not ask if i ever ate anything with â â his mouth closes and his nose curls, heâs loathe to say it â â âŚmeat. iunno what kinda meat youâre thinkinâ of, but itâs probably grossâŚ! and WRONG! â the frown facing the other is nearly comical, the spiritâs thoroughly displeased - â here! iâve just been tossing the pieces that wonât go away around here. AND STOP SMILING LIKE THAT! â
âBut delicious friend, you said you disliked my honest compliments! If you wanted some nice comments, just say so! I do not mind indulging you~...â He laughed loudly at the poor Food Soulâs vocal and visual display of disgust, another burst of chuckles following when Zebul sees the otherâs face scrunch up. âHoney, no need to yell! I am right here.â The last few chuckles were let loose before he shrugged. âI do not know what you mean. This is how I always smile. Can I help how my face looks? That is a rather selfish request of you, isnât it?â Still, he at least decreased the level of mocking conspiracy in his smile, focus stolen as they had arrived at their destination.
Inspecting the site where they stopped, Zebul tapped his chin as he surveyed the area, a pleased glimmer in his eyes."... Perfect. Thank you.â He carefully collected all of the loose pieces of rot and flesh, arranging them and stacking them thoughtfully like a morbid mockery of a meal on a plate. He kept Bamboo Rice in his periphery, both to see what was probably going to be a hilarious reaction and as a natural point of caution in case the Food Soul tries to attack him. Then he slipped scraps of Fallen past his lips delicately, humming in pleasure and licking his lips after every bite. Ah~ After all, meat was the best~...
   How committed this stranger was! Embracing the fruits of someone elseâs labor to his being, Spam politely kept in her silence, keeping her bags clutched by her own person. For all the exuberant body language the man displayed, she couldnât help but consider how perplexing he was in comparison to the other Master Attendants she had in her life. Their body language was oft frigid and controlled, either with enthusiasm on creating a placid persona. Or, they were disconnected on the vitalness of the language of physicality!Â
   âI learned it from a doctor,â replied the Food Soul simply, alluding to a life that wasnât ever to return to her. âShe was always perceptive on diets and substitutes humans would need in dire times.âÂ
  â âFellow thinker?â â Spam cocked her head. Alas, her curiosity fell upon silent lips as her eyes widened at the proposal of aid from the stranger. âHow charming of you, noble too!â However, the immortal slowly adjusted the bags hanging from her arms. âI wouldnât want to be too much trouble. However, if it wouldnât trouble you, Iâd enjoy a conversation partner as well. What other comparisons are you wanting to make? Iâd love to hear what we greatly differ in! Youâll be able to meet my dear Master Attendant too. Theyâll love to meet you.
Â
âAh, a medical practitioner! I see!! That makes a lot of sense! Certainly someone in such a position would put nutrition as a heavier category of consideration than the typical layperson.â Making understanding noises, Fan blinked and froze at being called noble and charming of all things. âCharming? Noble??â Sparkling a little and grinning from the praise, he adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat. âThank you kindly for the compliments!! I am absolutely flattered!! Must I say, you conduct yourself with open-mindedness and grace! A certain je ne sais quoi!â He held out a hand to the other with a flourish. âI will not insist if it makes you uncomfortable!! But it is not any trouble for me! And of course, I am always very grateful for a conversation partner, and meeting a fellow Attendant as well!! Shall we?âÂ
Starting to move, he hummed and hemmed in thought for a bit, considering what topic to discuss. He backtracked for a moment, remembering her curiosity at the way he referred to her. âAh, by the way! Are you not my fellow thinker? I respect you as another party of whom I am engaging in discourse with! If that designation bothers you, I shall refrain! But I mean it in good will! As for a topic of conversation, how about this? Which season do you prefer the most?â
    a soul? was he a SOUL? â yeah, iâm a food soul! â wow, usually, it was HIM getting super touchy, but fan was doing everything for him! all he had to do was smile and try ( â and of course, inevitably fail ) to keep up.  â itâs nice to meet you tooâŚÂ i donât think iâve ever heard a human SING beforeâŚ! whatâs it sound like? hehe, the birds sing PLENTY about me already, believe me! itâs not lonely at all! â
    besides, like heâd already said â he wasnât even human! that didnât make him a part of mankind, probably.  â somebodyâs gotta watch the bamboo, so i do it! big ah and little ah always keep me company too, â  a hand briefly waves to introduce them, â and if i get SUPER lonely or bored, i can head over to the pawn shop to talk to the spirits in there. thereâs plum juice, peking duck, a smaller spirit named hawthorne ballâŚÂ â his fingers count off each member, his mind JOGGING to make sure he had all of them.  â uh, a few others too. pancake and beggarâs chicken like to pass through here all the time! they help me when they can, and together we keep all the bad humans out of the forest! when somebody doesnât listen, we KILL âem! â the arm bearing his machete proudly FLEXES, and though heâs smiling at the other, his expression suddenly turns grave.
    â âŚso donât try anything funny, okay? i trust you, but iâm serious! no touching the bamboo! it belongs to the forest, and the forest ONLY! â
âSoleâ, not âSoulâ... Well... Fan was going to take that as his own fault! He was just a wordy kind of person, and clearly the other just didnât understand half of his speeches, despite talking at a slower pace than usual. It didnât really matter-- this Food Soul was quite kind and a friendly individual despite his size and his inability to comprehend Fanâs dialogue! Yes, a very swell kind man! âI would demonstrate, but like I said, I am rather horrible at it! Some humans sound better than others after all! Training and natural vocal quality you see.âÂ
Kneeling in front of the plump rats, he nodded seriously and saluted. âHello, Protectors Big Ah and Little Ah! It is an honor to meet you as well!â Fan smiled sweetly at the other as he described his acquaintances within the forest, nodding along appropriately as he spoke. What a... a swell...
â--PEKING DUCK?!â Fuck! Why did this always happen?! Normally he wouldnât be phased by the stern but well-meaning warning, but honestly, the talk of killing humans and the threat and the names of all the Food Souls that liked to hunt down his own kind just make him collapse to the ground white as a sheet. He scrambled back a bit on his hands and heels, laughing abruptly and loudly. âAHAHA-- Um...! Protector, I swear that I am not a bad human!â Depending on what oneâs definition of âbadâ was, anyway... â--So please do not extinguish my life! Also! Please do not mention me at all to your friends!! Please, protector!!â
Koicha felt her chest puff up at her customerâs high (if dramatic) praise and call for another pot. âIt is a family recipe, and a foreign one at that, good sir. Itâs novelty and decadence is its strongest appeal.â
The Emerald Gardenâs signature thick matcha was its pride and joyâthe most expensive item on their menu, and by far the most known. As a menu item, acquiring the best quality matcha powder to Koichaâs satisfaction was still a trial that her cooks and crew struggled with. Even now, the mistress of the tea house always prepares the thick matcha herself. If you wanted something done right, you do it yourself, after all!
âPaying the bill will be enough, sir,â she smiled, returning the tea cup and pot to their tray herself. âIâm surprised you enjoy it so much for a first-time patronâŚitâs a very strong and decadent drink, but an acquired taste to many.â
@cxrtilage
âA family recipe... I see....! Generations upon generations of toil and innovation! That explains it all!! Astounding, truly! I have been captured!! ...I shall return in due time.â Of course, his pride as a chef stung at the loss (not really) but what could he say?! Well. Anyway, it wasnât like he was planning to open a tea house, so this âcompetitionâ was kind of irrelevant. At the otherâs remark his head shot back up, hand lifting to adjust his glasses and cause the light to reflect off them for a moment. âAha!! But for you see, I am hardly a neophyte to the skill of tea drinking! Though admittedly I have most experience of Light Kingdom tea blends, I do prefer stronger and bitter flavors when it comes to my drinks, so it is a beverage which caters quite nicely to my tastes!âÂ
As the new pot arrived, he quickly poured himself another cup and stuck it near his nose, inhaling deeply before taking a sip. A small, genuine smile bloomed on his lips for a moment before he cleared his throat. âOh! Where are my manners! I am named Fan! It is a pleasure to meet a fellow practitioner of the culinary arts!!â He set down the tea and extended his hand with sparkling eyes and a large grin.
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LittleâŚ..guardians? Oh. The food souls. Not stalking? Well if he saw her here and there wasnât that sort of kind of like stalking? Selena watched as he circled her and turned her body to face the same direction as him. Having seen the different Fallen, it was the first time she actually saw this kind. Although scary she did find him more handsomeâŚâŚno no. Um. AppealingâŚ..better looking then the others. But if anything did happen, none of her food souls were around to aid her.
âWâŚwâŚ.wâŚwhat!? No I have not tasted myself nor would I want to. AndâŚâ Selena didnât get to finish what she was going to say, feeling her nose lightly tapped by the Fallen Angel. He was so close, too close that she couldnât control the fast beating of her heart in her chest. âIâŚ.I suppose you can come along. Itâs nice, yes. Now would you kindly step back from me?â
âIâm just saying, darling. You canât possibly know how you taste if you havenât at least given yourself a little chomp, now can you? Though I suppose you can infer that from other people, but Iâm guessing you donât ask around about how humans taste, judging from your... reaction.â Laughing a little, he smirked. âJust to let you know, humans taste astoundingly like pork, but smells like burnt bacon and spoiled onions when cooked.â Of course, he only ate things after they already rotted and spoiled, but there was no need for him to tell her that. âOh! As a chef, do you think youâd be able to make a good recipe out of that ingredient?â
She agreed? That was hilarious. âYes, yes~. Whatever you say, Chef~.â Acquiescing and taking a couple of steps back, he clasped his hands innocently behind his back, eyes curling up into crescents with his smile. âThen, shall we, sweetie? Donât worry, Iâll be right behind you~.â
â iâm telling you to MOVE - ! â boston doesnât have the patience to match the otherâs length of speech OR to withstand the eccentric audacity; before the otherâs even finished, a pair of pincers have already made their motions to pick up and toss the other cleanly aside, OUT of their wielderâs way. huffs add in their exhaust to the steam building up around him, â iâm impressed by how much you can say in a single breath, but i HATE unnecessary noisesâŚ! if you know your place already, then ACT like it, you creep! â  dumplings, dumbass, bostonâs met PLENTY of humans, but none so as inexplicably irritating as this one. a hand raises and his pinky curls as if taking up the other in idea, claw snapping at the motion, â you really know how to piss me offâŚ! â best to do something about it.
Flung to the side and making an ugly noise of pain as he hit the ground, Fan groaned. Why was he so pissed? Fan didnât even do anything but talk! Geez. âGracious sir, there is no need for such hostility! First you murder my poor dumplings, and now you proceed to murder my own person!! --Is it getting humid around here?â Blinking, he squinted at the other again before his eyes lit up in fascination, jumping back to his feet. âOh my! Is it you thatâs so steamy? Is that why your complexion is so fair and moist??â Imagine being a walking sauna and steamer! Sparkles grew in his eyes as, against his better judgement, he started approaching the other again with a hand extended.
I am kinkshaming Fan cus he wanna woo an oversized boiled crustacean with revolutionary streak... not like most of fandom is just like that... and the crustacean isn't even the "worst"...
âI do not see what is wrong with my attraction to Boston Lobster! He is a very attractive man!! So passionate, confident, and goal-driven!! Are these not all attractive qualities you would desire in a partner?! Besides, it is not a kink if the majority of the population concurs with my thoughts!â Huffing, he pressed a hand firmly on his own chest. âI am simply honest with my own aesthetic preferences!! Dear anonymous stranger, I recommend also coming to terms with your own desires and doing some serious introspection! I understand that it is a frightening thing to even attempt to accomplish, however never shirk from learning more about yourself! And if you do find that you are attracted to Food Souls, please extend that thought to the nature of the relationships between Food Souls and humans! I hope that if you give it serious thought, you will come to an intriguing analysis of the current society!!â
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   âYes, sir?â Lugging around groceries for her Master Attendant, she wasnât opposed to the conditions of aiding others â it was practically imperative for her role as a Food Soul. A clueless yet intrigued gaze greeted the human who rushed towards her. Her brows rose as desperation hung from his face, his eyes trained on her as if she would be the savior of the world!
   ââŚ..Fruit?âÂ
  Spam had remained quiet over the manâs soliloquy over fruits â now that she thought about it, she never met a fruit Food Soul. At least, she couldnât recall any. As one hand held the apple high with esteem, her eyes followed. And, when the equally poignant orange was raised high, her eyes as well followed.Â
   âNeither fruit is superior since they give different benefits, good human. The apple has more fiber, the orange can provide vitamin C. It all depends on the situation. However, there are superior options to both like mangoes and grapefruits.âÂ
âAh...! I see, I see!!â Looking moved, he hugged the two fruits to his chest. His eyes clenched shut in great emotion, as if he were chastising himself for even considering the dastardly, loaded question of the superior fruit. âI was ignorant! Truly, you cannot compare apples and oranges!!â He nodded enthusiastically, then abruptly paused, peeking his eyes open again and tilting his head to the side. âI find it interesting however that the criteria that you automatically used to evaluate the fruits was of the bodily health benefits! Is this because of the incomparable and subjective nature of the flavors perhaps?â Fan stared down at the apple and orange in thought, pursing his lips and humming. Then he shrugged nonchalantly and shoved them in his bag. Something to think about later. âBy the way, my fellow thinker! May I help you with those groceries?â
curiosity or conscience? thereâs a part of him that wants to see this supposed clean up-buffet; if a fallen ate a fallen, that might have made it a friend, and the spirit always DID despise whatever leftovers always littered the grounds of his forest. pieces always joined themselves into the detritus and left. a bad atmosphere behind - but this was a FALLEN they were talking about, and if anything the atmosphereâs still the same. there was no way any of these guys could be good, and itâs a thought bamboo keeps in mind as his stance eases, the grip on his machete and the hard furrow his brow still remaining constant. there was no way big and little ah wouldnât think he was CRAZY by the end of this, butâŚÂ â â fine. iâll show you, so follow me. â he has to play this SMART, smart as he could; figure out how the other WORKED, and then come up with a plan to properly DEFEAT IT. until then, â donât even try to eat the great me from behind, âcause big ah and little ah are the forestâs best protectors, too! â
âIf youâre so worried, let us walk side by side, hm?â Sauntering beside the other, he laughed a little, waving his hand dismissively and causing the gold bangles on his wrist to clink together. âBest protectors? Is it not because you three are the forestâs only âprotectorsâ?â He could take mere rats any day, even if they were familiars to a strong Food Spirit.Â
If it werenât for Zebulâs occasional humming and the deliberate sound of his jewelry colliding, it would have been hard-pressed to really sense he was there at all; he managed to step in such a way that there was little to no noise, like some sort of ghost. To his credit, Zebulâs actions were quite non-threatening; his posture was relaxed, and he walked as if on a leisurely stroll by himself and not beside a Food Soul with a giant machete looking as if he just wanted to get it over with and slice him up. His words, though... â...Bamboo Rice, mm...? You put rice into bamboo and then cook it? Interesting.â He put a hand to his chin, the edge of his lips quirking up in thought. âEver tried that with flesh?â
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âCome, let us grab our hands and go forth, ascending to the uppermost levels of splendorous taste!!â
A novice Master Attendant who hails from the Light Kingdom. Overdramatic and overall quite silly, Fan Xia (ĺ¤ć¨; family name Xia) is generally considered either a loud annoyance or a funny person. He has strange ideas about humans, Food Souls, and Fallen Angels being essentially the same, and is also very religious and devoted to his God. He dreams of opening a ârestaurant that surpasses the heavens and extends beyond realmsâ, but right now heâs too poor to even open one. Even though heâs like this⌠heâs also a devoted member of a cult in the Light Kingdom that was nearly wiped out overnight by a certain Food Soul. Unfortunately for him, his luck is quite badâ he always seems to summon the Food Souls hunting the cult downâŚ
Trigger Warnings: Subtle abuse, and general triggers often associated with fantasy cults.
Theme: é弳éăŽă¸ă° by Floating Cloud (Oriental Dark Flight & Doll Judgement arrange)
tl;dr: Fan meets a strange Fallen Angel for the first time, becomes entranced, and develops an unlikely but deep student-mentor relationship with him. His thoughts and beliefs are overturned, to the conclusion that despite having a clearer understanding of the truth, he must lie to himself so that he can live.
The market was abuzz with rumors of ghosts lately. Apparently a couple of people have been seeing flashes of a black being deep in the surrounding woods, gliding silently as if the forest floor wasnât littered with crunchy leaves and sticks. Long hair flowing like water, the glinting of gold and pale bones reflecting the sunlight... couldnât help but stir up curiosity in Fanâs mind. So in the dead of the night, after his parents feasted and fell into sleep, he slipped out of his bed and quietly went looking for the apparition, armed only with his kitchen knife.
It only took a few moonlit escapades to come in contact with the creature... and he was not what he was expecting. So human, and yet he was clearly some other sort of being; one with horns and claws and an aura of power that left Fan shaking in his sandals.
âA curious one, arenât you? Little succulent. Why do you seek me? You know itâs awfully dangerous being out alone so late. There are so many scary monsters about under the cover of darkness... like me, for example~.â
A teasing nail carefully ran along Fanâs jaw, and as he stared into the deep onyx pools evaluating him, his soul shook just like they did that day, when he was supposed to be absolved but simply felt dirty. He shakily fell to his knees, tears pooling in his eyes. â...Are you God...?â
âGodâ burst out in a peal of laughter, shoulders shaking as he bent a little to unsuccessfully contain himself. Fan flushed in embarrassment at the reaction, ducking his head and fiddling with his glasses as he was patted like a dog. âYouâre cute, sweetie. Sorry to say though, I am far from a God, and have no desire to postulate myself as one. Iâm not Inugami.â He didnât know who or what an âInugamiâ was, but judging by the condescending mirth in the otherâs eyes, he didnât know a lot of things. âTh-Then...â
âSurely youâve heard of Fallen Angels?â He had, of course-- God was a Fallen Angel, wasnât he? So he wasnât too far off the mark? But the other snorted at his musings, delving into a tale of monsters destroying the land and poor human villages being decimated and Master Attendants and Food Souls, and most of it he did recognize and things occasionally discussed by others, and of course their town had a few Food Souls as well, but he wasnât quite aware it was exactly like this.
He had no reason to believe the Fallen, of course. Outsiders always lied, were blinded by darkness, and didnât care to understand the greatness and truth of their Godâs teachings. âDo not question, do not doubt.â But...
âBack again, my delicious friend?â
âYou said something last time... about how Food Souls, and... even humans can become Fallen...?â
âMm? Yes, and?â
â...Then... at our core... what is it thatâs different between the three...?â
Looking terribly amused, Baâalzebul curled a lock of inky black hair around a finger. âHmm... What could it be~...â
âPlease, laoshi...â
âDid you want my opinion or an answer for yourself?â
Fan pursed his lips, prompting a pat on the head. âYouâre a smart human. Iâm sure youâll arrive at a good answer on your own.â
âThen, laoshi... what is God?â
âThatâs even more personal than your first question, darling.â
âWhatâs with the troubled face today, little Fan Fan?â
âFan Fan... no, anyway. I... I secretly bought some more books today, so, laoshi...â
âYes, yes, Iâll hang onto them for you. What is it this time? Mm?â A black clawed hand snatched the worn book from his hands as Fan huffed in embarrassment. ââCritique of Pure Reasonâ? Oh my, reading nonsensical fiction from Gloriville again, whatever would your dear parents say?â
âYouâre the one who recommended it, laoshi! And... Mother and Father have been strange lately... God reminded them of something that happened when I was a child, and... now theyâre obsessed with it...â
âAnd your dear âGodâ didnât say anything to you?â
âWell, after all, I am but a minor disciple...â
âUh huh. So? What is it about?â
â... A... traitor to our faith... a terrifying, sacrilegious fire-breathing phoenix... Hey, laoshi! Why are you laughing?!â
âF-Fire-breathing phoenix...! Pff--â
âLaoshi!!â
âLaoshi... am I a bad person...?â
âThat depends on who you believe is the authority on moral standards, dear.â
âI know... To... To everyone... I must be... a walking pile of sin, arenât I...? I... I canât take it... The more I learn, the more I read... The more I want to peel off this stained skin...â
âWhy must you human teenagers be so dramatic?â
âLaoshi, this is serious! I... How could I let someone as disgusting as me live in this world... But I... Iâm so... so afraid to die! Even though I... Even though I have killed so much...!!â
âHoney, I have killed far more humans than you. And you canât use the excuse of me being a Fallen, right? Since you have decided that we are all essentially the same.â
âBut... laoshi, youâre...â
âSo you need to believe in your silly parentsâ teachings or youâll cry at night. Is that right?â
âYes, but... but I...â
âThen believe.â
âHuh...?â
Baâalzebul grinned a smile full of pearly-white teeth. âI am hardly someone that will tell you to do something you donât want to do, darling. If you want to believe, then believe. Just donât...â
â...donât stop thinking.â
âGood boy.â
â...Okay.â
The Fallen Angel patted his head, and Fan sniffed, face red and tight with both his repressed and confessed feelings. He could do that; putting on a false mask for others was second nature to him by now. This was a step further of course-- he had to lie to himself, but also be aware that he was lying while simultaneously believing the lie. But Fan was nothing if not dedicated. He could do it.
Their time together seemed long, but soon his laoshi was leaving, wanderlust taking him, and Fan clutched parting gifts of gold in his chilled fingers, peering at the graceful back getting farther away through a blurry screen of tears. It was so short of a time for what happened, really-- he came with his answers, his questions, his danger and his nonchalance, turned Fan inside out with revelations and confusions and horrified understandings, then simply left like the wind.Â
It wasnât fair. Fan wanted him to stay.
He trudged back home, stashing his now large collection of books and his glinting new frames in a safe and hidden place, thoughts and loneliness swirling in his mind. âWhat is your dream,â his laoshi had asked him once. â...I want to become a chef. And... meet you again.âÂ