by the stars

Mary’s entire body started shaking the moment he sat next to her, the weak resolve she had shattering. She didn’t dare remove her hands from her face because she couldn’t face him, she really bloody couldn’t so all she could do was lean into his chest and let out stupidly fragile, hearty sobs. Everything hit her all at once and completely overwhelmed her. The attack, the night terrors, the threats, having to face her friends, and pretend like everything was okay and then see her attacker lurking in the shadows, smiling as if he’d done something worth marvelous praise. How could she be okay? “I can’t pretend like everything’s okay, Fab, I can’t….” She finally pulled away to look at him, rubbing at her wet eyes with the overwhelmingly large sleeves of her knitted sweater. 

She couldn’t lie to him. She couldn’t. And the second he looked at her with those soft, adoring eyes everything came rambling out at once.  “I lied to everyone. You, Hunter, Gideon, Lily…” She struggled against her sobs and placed a shaky hand in his, needing some sort of comfort while she unloaded everything onto the poor sod. It took her a while to find her voice, the weight of what she needed to tell him crushing her. “I remember everything. I was awake the entire fucking time and I can’t sleep because every time I close my eyes I see their face, their eyes… they enjoyed it and it was all just because I was born to muggle parents. And then they get to walk around acting as if they’ve done the world a great service and t-then–” She took a shaky breath and let out another sob, unsure if she could even continue.  And then her eyes met his again and she nearly forgot how to breathe because the way he was looking at her was so loving and kind and she wanted nothing more than for him to look at her like that every day for the rest of her life. Her voice was so much softer, so much more broken this time. “And then I heard you. I don’t know how but I remember hearing you tell me how you feel and I realized that I can’t live in a world without you in it and you’re gonna hate me for lying and keeping it from everyone and ugh,” She clenched his hand tightly and his eyes showed so much emotion and maybe her emotions got the better of her but it was as if she suddenly couldn’t breathe and he was her oxygen. “And for the past two days all I’ve wanted to do was this..” Her gaze lingered on his lips for the briefest of moments as if asking for permission but she didn’t wait for him to even react before she leaned forward and closed the gap between them, kissing him with such passion and emotion that she wasn’t sure her heart could cope.

He held her again like the other night, arms wrapped around her, his chin resting on the top of her head while she cried. She needed to let it all out. Things were overwhelming, but Fabian was ready to help her through it. He locked eyes with her when she finally pulled away, and he opened his mouth to say something (hopefully) comforting, when she started pouring out words, paired with more sobs. He listened, keeping up his earlier promise to just be quiet, while Mary spoke.   

What was she saying? She remembered the attack? She knew? He couldn’t even focus on the fact that she had lied to them all, not at first, because as Fab listened to her talk about that night the anger he already felt for her attacker doubled, tripled, grew to be hatred larger than he ever imagined he could hate a single person. They had liked hurting her, and Mary had to live with that memory. They had a fantastic time nearly killing Mary and nothing had happened to them. He had to let go of her hand for just a second - he was worried that he’d hurt her hand if he held on, he was now clenching his fists so hard. 

Fab’s eyes widened at what Mary said next - I heard you. She heard him that night, when he was rambling by her bed, afraid that she wouldn’t wake up and he wouldn’t get to tell her how he felt. And then he didn’t even know what to think because she was kissing him and he was kissing her back and holy shit he’d been waiting for this moment literally for years and everything she had said was what he dreamed of hearing and everything felt right and- 

No. That was the problem. Everything didn’t feel right. Or, no, it felt perfect, so fucking perfect - the kiss felt like lighting had struck him, but in the best possible way, if that even made any sense. Nothing made sense right now, except for him and Mary. His heart was beating fast, he moved closer to her, needing there to be as little distance between them as possible but afraid of hurting her if he tried to pull her towards him. 

But then- He broke away first, though he still held on to her. He didn’t want to let her go. He just needed to think, just think for a minute, to process everything that she had just said, and when they were kissing the very last thing he was doing was thinking. “Mary...” Was he fucking this up? He was fucking this up. Already. He liked her so damn much, and she kissed him, and he stopped it. Why did he do that? Shit.

Okay, one thing at a time. “What do you mean you remember?”

“I literally just said I wasn’t special, why does no one ever listen to me?” Lucius said, rolling his eyes. “I was just standing here, minding my own business, so why did you even bother with me when you clearly are having a better time socializing with others?”

“Hm, what was that?” Amycus looked up from his drink, thoroughly enjoying messing with his housemate. “What’s the point of even coming to one of these parties if you’re just going to ‘mind your own business’ in the corner?”

Mary stared down at her bruised, shaking hands and wished she could scrub the dark marks from her skin, they were a constant reminder of everything that had happened - a warning for her to not speak of who had hurt her or else the people she loved would meet the same fate. She let out a sigh when he refused to leave and leaned forward, burying her face in her now very red hands from clenching them so tightly. She hated that she was distancing herself from him. It was like ripping a piece of herself away; Fabian was so heavily cemented in her life and the thought of losing him either way if she held her tongue or not was gut-wrenching.  The tears started to fall then and she couldn’t speak. She felt his eyes on her and knew it’d be tearing him up inside to watch her shatter without even knowing so much as why. The lack of sleep mixed with her injuries, guilt, and anxiety had all caught up to her and it was too much for her little, kind heart to bear. They remained in silence for a while and she eventually found her voice, although it was tired and broken. “I can’t do this, Fab.” 

It took everything in him not to go to her when she started crying, but he had to remind himself that she didn’t want him there. He said he would be quiet, and stand away from her, and he was trying very hard to stick to that. Fab couldn’t even try to imagine what was going through her mind right now. The Hogsmeade explosion, then her own attack, and now just being at a school party where everyone was acting like everything wasn’t fucked up right now. Being a Muggleborn at a school where they let kids run around with Dark Marks like there was nothing wrong with that.

Then Mary finally broke the silence, and without thinking Fab went right to her, half-sitting on the bench so he was turned to face her. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Mac. You can.” he assumed ‘this’ meant moving on, moving past her attack and getting to a point where she could at least act like things were fine. It was gonna be hard, but she’d be able to do it. “You’ve got this.”

         Narcissa groaned as she balled up her third sheet of parchment, she just couldn’t figure out of the this arithmancy problem, and she was beginning to believe that it was impossible. Her normally perfect hair was messy, her natural curls gone wild from how much she was tugging at it. “This is hopeless” she mumbled to herself, throwing her crumbled parchment in frustration. 

“What are you working on over there?” Andromeda popped her head up, having been fully invested in her Muggle Studies essay until she noticed a parchment ball fly across the room. “Won’t have much parchment left if you keep doing that.”

“Of course! Absolutely! I’ll bring them to class for you!” he said. He couldn’t wait to discuss them with her once she was done. “You’ll love them, I know it. O-Or I hope you will, obviously it’s not guaranteed or anything but… y-yeah, for sure!” He actually blinked, a warmth forming on his own cheeks. “R-Really? Cool,” he said, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. She made him accidentally blush all the time, it was nice to have it be the other way around for a change. “Oh, he’s the world’s greatest detective!” he started explaining. “He uses the power of deduction to figure things out about people and solve crimes! He can tell what your background is just by how you stand or how you did at school depending on how you hold your quill, stuff like that. But he’s also kind of bad with people? Like he can understand them on an intellectual level but not really on an emotional one, so he’s brilliant but socially inept? So… this might seem stupid, but I always sort of saw him as an autistic role model? It’s n-never explicitly stated or anything, but… I like to think he’s just… sort of like me?” He had managed to catch himself rambling and stopped, thank god, before he would just talk instead of letting her respond.

“Perfect, thanks! Listen, if they’re Ted Tonks approved, I’m sure I’ll like them.” Andie listened to him talk with a growing smile on her face. She wasn’t quite sure when he would stop, but it was nice to just listen to him talk about something he really liked. And, honestly, the Sherlop - or was it lock? - lad did sound very interesting. “No, that’s not stupid at all.” she thought about her own writing, how she struggled to write characters for different stories, and how she hoped one day someone would talk about her writing and characters the way Ted was talking about this bloke. “I’m really glad you have that character for you. And, though I don’t know him yet, I think you’ve absolutely done him justice with this costume. Like he’s here in this very room!” 

“Quidditch practice?” Rita tilted her head, an expression of disbelief very clearly displayed on her face. She didn’t buy that, not for one second. If both siblings were coming to her about Mack, there was guaranteed tension. “You and I both know I’m never going to believe it was just a sports calamity, sugar.” He was going to talk about it whether he wanted to or not. And Rita was very good at getting information. “In my own way, although who knows if he’ll heed my words. He’s incredibly stubborn, apparently,” she gestured to his black eye, “But considering he’s still at Hogwarts and hasn’t run home tells me he’s willing to fight beside you, not on his own.” She did have to question whether or not betrothing off a half-blood linked to a pureblood traitor was the smartest decision, although she kept that opinion to herself. “I heard. Has he given any names of interested families?”

“Bludger.” he nodded, as if that was a definitive final answer. Dom knew Rita wasn’t stupid, she’d probably figured it out the second she saw him, but he still didn’t want to talk about it, and he didn’t think that was too crazy of him. “’S’nothing, Rita. Seriously.” Her answer was good enough for him, for now at least. If Rita said she was helping Mack, whatever was up with him was going to work out one way or another. “Not yet. Dunno if he’ll even actually find someone for me. ‘Cause, y’know.” Half-blood, it went without saying. Dom knew he wasn’t exactly top shelf material to the circles his family ran in. “’M mostly worried for Nova. She really doesn’t want this. I don’t get why he’s even bothering.” 

She couldn’t help herself but roll her eyes- over the years, she had taught herself not to roll her eyes around family, but Amycus was Amycus and deep down she thought he could never hurt her like they did. ‘You know, there is a reason I am the smart one  out of the two of us and you had just exploited it perfectly.’ she reaches for her glass and takes a sip. ‘I did, but always get rejected, don’t I? Why try over over again when you’re not wanted?’

“Gonna get stuck like that.” he pointed out as she rolled her eyes, like their mother used to when they were much younger. A family joke for solidarity’s sake. Alecto did have a point, even if it was a point he didn’t exactly want to agree with. She could have tried harder. She should have tried harder. It shouldn’t always be on him. “Maybe because then you’d still at least be trying.”

The more steps she took, the more overwhelmed Mary felt knowing that Fabian was following after her. She heard him call out for her, convinced he was the one at fault. Merlin, why did he have to make it so difficult for her to stay away from him? Fabian’s heart was one of the many things she adored about him, but in that moment it was really making things far more difficult. She walked through the hallway but it didn’t take long for him to catch up with her. She turned to face him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears and she swallowed roughly. She knew she had to push him away, to protect him but she didn’t fucking want to. She wanted to cry and tell him everything, but then his life would be in danger and so would Lily’s, Gideon’s and her parents. She couldn’t do it, even if it broke her heart. “No, I just-” she ran a hand through her hair, feeling a dull ache spread across her body from clearly pushing herself too much. “I j-just need to be alone right now, Fab.” She was very clearly not okay, her anxiety starting to get the best of her, “I shouldn’t have come..” Her hands began to shake and she felt her knees threaten to buckle, so she moved to sit down on a nearby bench and knotted her hands together. “It’s just a lot right now, I’m sorry You should… you should go.”

He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know how to make her feel better or how to fix any of this and it sucked. How do you tell your best friend everything’s okay, when you know it isn’t at all? “I’m sorry.” Fab decided on, his voice soft. The last thing he wanted to do was upset her more, and if talking to her was making it worse he’d stop. He bit at the inside of his cheek as he watched her move to the bench, wanting to do something but coming up with fuck all. 

...However, he also wasn’t just going to leave her alone in the hall freaking out. It wasn’t safe, no matter what the professors said, and he didn’t even trust that she could make it back to the hospital wing (or the Gryffindor dorms, for that matter) without help. She looked paler than she did when they had started talking just a few minutes ago. Fab stood on the other side of the hall, hopefully giving her enough space. “I’m, uh, not just gonna leave though, Mac. At least not until you’re in your room, or with Pomfrey, or... Yeah. I’ll be quiet though. Until you’re ready to go. Or talk. Or-” Shut up, Fab. “Sorry. Quiet.” 

Nova grabbed the sleeve of his robes and dragged him along as she started to walk out of the Great Hall. “Do you have any other explanation to ‘arrangements’, Dom?” Because she certainly didn’t. But she didn’t have any explanation of why Mack would do such a thing either. 

“I can’t.” She stopped and looked at Dom. “I can’t marry. Anyone. Do you hear me? If Mack tries to betroth me, you have to do something.” It felt weird how in a split second the dynamics had changed for Nova. Dom was like her twin. Twin from another mother but it was a minor detail none of them cared about. Mack on the other hand was her big brother. That one year gap was like ten by the way Mack took responsibility. He was the one single person Nova could accept as an older family member figure. He was the one Nova trusted the most. Now, however, her trust had to rely on Dom if Mack really had his mind set up on some bloody arrangements. 

@cxntrasts​

“...No.” he admitted. Fucking shit, just when he thought everything couldn’t get just a little more complicated, now there was this. What the hell was going on in Mack’s head right now, that he thought setting up betrothals for them right now was a good idea? He still wasn’t fully convinced that it was even possible, but even if there was the smallest chance of him actually being able to do it, they might as well be prepared. “Why’s he doing this now?”

Nova looked at him with so much faith, he couldn’t help but nod and agree, “I- Shit, yeah. Don’t worry. I’ll figure it out.” How was he supposed to do that? Dom might as well have been straight-up lying when he told Nova that he would figure something out, because he had no fucking clue how to go about doing that. He didn’t know how any of this ‘society’ stuff worked - that was their dad’s problem, and as the oldest Mack had to at least learn about some of it, but it was never going to be Dom’s problem. He kind of wished he had actually paid attention to the boring stuff.

He regretted it the moment he did it. Mack hissed out a breath, cradling his throbbing hand against him. His eyes were wide, a wild gaze fixated on his younger brother. His brother who he was supposed to protect with his life, who he was supposed to stop from getting harmed. His baby brother who Mack had just punched.

His breathing was shallow, his heart pounding hard against his chest. Just because dad’s gone doesn’t mean you have to act like him. Mack couldn’t get the words out of his head, they were circling, whispering and laughing at him. He wanted to tell Dom that he wasn’t anything like that man.

‘‘Shit. Dominic,– I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, I–.’‘ His words fell out of his mouth in a jumbled mess. The damage had already been done. He couldn’t take this back now. Mack would never be able to take this back.

Dom’s hand shot up before he even realized what had happened, a pointless attempt to hold in the pain. It didn’t do shit to hold back the absolute betrayal that filled his eyes. Mack had just hit him. Mack. If there were two people at all Dom would count on to never hurt him, to never do this shit, it would’ve been Mack and Nova. But Dom was a fucking idiot and pushed Mack too far and now he fucked everything up again. 

His eyes stung, don’t cry you fucking git you’ll just make it worse, but he couldn’t think of what to say. What could he say? Not sorry, he definitely wasn’t sorry now, nor was he about to accept Mack’s apology. “No. Fuck you.” Dom meant for it to come out louder, more angry and sure of himself, but his stupid voice cracked and he just sounded like a fucking kid. “I-” he started to say more, but the second he opened his mouth he realized that he still couldn’t think of anything beyond another, thankfully more solid, “Fuck you.”

“I’m surprised you can spell at all, Amy.” Luce narrowed her eyes and stared him down. Fuck it. If they were going down that path she might as well take the first steps. Her knuckles were practically white from clenching her wand so hard.

His lack of regard for anything that didn’t belong to him wasn’t a surprise to her. He took what he wanted and destroyed what he didn’t. She had known plenty of lads like him. Always thinking they deserved more than what they’d earned. She could see the cruel glint in his eyes and she didn’t care for it one bit. In hindsight, patronising him might not have been the cleverest idea. “I’m not playing whatever messed up game this is. If you destroy my hard work I’ll find whatever it is you’ve worked the hardest at and I’ll destroy it bit by bit.”

“That’s not my fucking name.” It always bothered him, when people called him Amy - it felt ridiculous and patronizing - but it was doubly as bad when it came from filth like her. An absolute pity that Voldemort had to go and get himself killed and ruin the fun for everyone, if the war had continued Amycus liked to imagine he wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. Poor Lucinda would’ve been long gone. 

“A game?” It was almost visible, his switch in moods. From angry to entertained again, just as if Lucinda had flipped a light on.  “We can make it a game, Luce, if that’s what you want. I love games.” An absolutely shit-eating grin spread across his face. Thank Merlin for Lucinda Talkalot.

Rita was skilled at being sly and cryptic. In fact, she’d made a name for herself by being just that. So when Dom was straight forward with his questions, she found a way to provide an answer yet still keep the details hidden. “Briefly, although he’s very adamant that he wants to deal with things himself. It’s too bad I like to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong,” she smiled, knowing that her letter would soon be received by her lawyer regarding the Yaxley family debts. She frowned, noticing his blackened eye and reached out to tilt his chin with a perfectly manicured finger. “Looks to me like you’ve already talked to him. What did you get yourself into, darling?”

Dom shook his head quickly; he hadn’t even told Nova what happened between him and Mack yet, he absolutely wasn’t going to get into it with Rita right now. “S’just from Quidditch practice. So you’re helping him, then? With whatever it is?” That’s what it sounded like, at least, when she talked about sticking her nose where it didn’t belong. He just didn’t like that she was being so weird about it, not telling him what exactly was going on with Mack, even though it sounded like she sure as hell knew. “He told me ‘n Nova he’s trying to set us up. For fuckin’- Y’know. Betrothals, or whatever.”

“Shut the fuck up, Amy.” Eli growled, looking at his friend very pissed offedly. “You can be such an ass, sometimes.” There were moments when he could punch his best mate right in the face.

Amycus defensively raised his hands, the closest thing to an apology he was going to give. It wasn’t his fault his best mate had some fucked up friendship thing going on with a mudblood. “So I’ve heard.” he paused, then sighed, deciding he should probably make sure Eli wasn’t going to go crazy on him. “You... surviving, then?”

Doesn’t have to be me if you don’t want. Mary’s heart broke, knowing that by avoiding him he’d automatically think she didn’t want to be around him or that he’d done something to upset her. It only made the guilt worsen and she felt nauseous. She hated that by trying to keep the truth from him, that she was putting a rift between them. She couldn’t even remember the last time they’d gone an entire day without seeing each other before the attack. They’d been inseparable practically since day one and it felt wrong to stay away from him, especially since she’d realized exactly why she didn’t want to stay away from him. That it was more than just friendship. “You don’t have to worry about me, Fab.” It’s me who has to worry about you, she thought. Her voice was very clearly unsteady and everything threatened to overwhelm her just as it’d done when she’d stepped outside before.  The music was so loud it was making her head pound and it was setting her more on edge. Her eyes darted around and her breathing picked up a little. Seeing Sebastian’s face really didn’t help matters. She needed to just get out of there; apparently stepping outside into the cold air hadn’t done as much good as she’d thought. “I- yeah, I’m okay, I just.. I just need to go, I’m sorry.” She quickly headed for the door, muttering a half-assed apology as she accidentally knocked someone’s shoulder.

Fab groaned, half-seriously and half just trying to keep it joke-y. “Mac, I’m gonna worry about you.” Even before everything with the attack had gone down, their friendship had always consisted of a decent amount of worry from both parties. Mary, with her ability to fall asleep in the worst of places, and Fabian with his self-admitted lack of regard for his own safety in general. It wasn’t like worrying was anything new for them. 

“What- Shit.” he muttered the last word under his breath, because fucking obviously something was wrong and she wasn’t telling him. Now she was just leaving, but that paired with the look on her face just seconds ago didn’t exactly give him any good, fuzzy feelings. “Mac!” he called after her, not bothering to apologize to the couple of people he bumped as he followed her out. “Did I do something?”

“That’s what I like to hear” Rob said giving Fabian a small smile, he had learned to tell the twins apart while on the Quidditch field, but it wasn’t hard to translate that if one was paying attention. “I don’t want to pretend to understand how you must be feeling, but know that some of the other professors and myself asked the headmaster about allowing visits, it would do her good, it would do you good, so just hang in there until it’s approved okay?” Rob’s best friend was a muggleborn witch, protecting her had been one of the things that had lead him to join the order in the first place, people would do anything for the people they loved. “You alright?”

Of course the professors were already arranging something. Fabian always did that, ran into things without even properly thinking them through. This was something different entirely, though, so he allowed himself a bit of forgiveness on that end. “I- Okay. Yeah. Hangin’ in there.” Fab nodded, “I guess? I mean, fuck- sorry- not really, no. Why is this shit still happening?” He knew there wasn’t going to be a real answer, but Darcy was an professor he trusted, and right now he honestly just needed an adult to give him some sort of explanation for all of this. For the Hogsmeade explosion, and now this attack on Mary, and for whatever was inevitably next.

“Well, stay on my good side and you might have found someone to lend you a helping hand from now on.” She was only teasing about the staying on her good side part, she would help him. She wasn’t sure why she felt drawn to, but she felt a certain kinship with the boy. “He is indeed in my class. Bit strange teaching your brother.”

“Sure, okay!” That brought a small smile to his face. Stay on the good side of a professor he didn’t even have? Easy. “Yeah, ‘s’gotta be weird.” Dom thought hard for a second, trying to remember if he recognized her from past years at school. “If you’re his sister- How old are you then?”

Ever volatile, Evan calmed down almost immediately upon seeing Andie. He never had been able to keep a temper around her. She was too sweet and easygoing. He glared at the fourth year, feinting as though he was about to lunge for them. The kid scurried off, frightened, and Evan smirked triumphantly. Bullying children wasn’t usually his thing, but this jacket was expensive and he didn’t want half breeds touching it. “I was leaving, but I could be persuaded to stay.” 

He wouldn’t tell anyone this lest it ruin his image, but he actually liked spending time with his cousin. She didn’t put pressure on him to act a certain way. “What are you drinking? Can I get you a refill?” Always the gentleman as he had been taught. “Why are you by yourself?”

“Good, consider this an official persuasion then, because you’re not allowed to leave.” Andromeda smiled at her cousin, “Just butterbeer at the moment, but I wouldn’t say no to a refill.” She shrugged, looking around the room for any of her friends to prove that she was in fact not here by herself, but they were all off doing their own thing at the moment. “Why are you by yourself?” she countered.