in the life

Imagine coming home from being gone since the night before and getting situated as you come through the door. Hanging your coat and purse, and taking your shoes off. as you do this your mom is sitting less than 5 feet away in her chair. Does not look at you, does not utter a word. no hey, hello or hi. no how was your night. nothing. 

So I just found out I have Celiac Disease AKA Gluten Allergy.. 

At first I was overwhelmed / nervous. I go to the doctor Thursday to talk about this further, and I have a million questions for him. but for now I'm actually ok,, I'm almost a week in of eating Gluten Free and let me tell you I feel WONDERFUL. I haven't went this many days without my stomach hurting in forever. I feel back to my old self, being silly, playing around, and not so angry all the time. Its crazy to think that a potential that never even crossed my mind, could affect not only my health but my mind for so long. I look forward to getting healthier and moving forward with this... yes Im still nervous about it worsening over time and not being able to eat actual spaghetti but this is what I have to do now. 

now a days you hear a lot about peoples love language, and how important it is for your partner to understand your love language. sometimes you don't know what your love language is until you are living it.

for a little less than a week I have been a BITCH... I mean rude, snippy, completely uncalled for. yes I was stressed, tired and trapped in my own head. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to be around anyone. I was just done. done. done. done. and when I get in these ruts, it takes me quite sometime to work my way out of it. but I went to dinner with him anyways, for as pissy as I wanted to be, I knew that wasn't right to him. He showed patience as usual , and let me make all my evil little jabs I wanted to make. that night he made the comment of bringing me coffee in bed the next morning, but to be honest I didn't think it was going to happen. he would never accept eating / drinking in his bed. but the next morning he got up went to the restroom and went downstairs, it still didn't quite hit me. while he was gone I got up and went to the restroom to come back to two cups of coffee, and two bowls of my favorite yogurt on my bedside table. We turned on our favorite TV show, ate our yogurt, then cuddled and drank our coffee. (that was when I realized he knew my love language) 

ya know blogging is never a convenient thing. When something is really good on your mind and your like damn I should put that down, its never the best time to stop and blog it. lol. so this causes a lot of things I want to blog to get out forgotten about. but not this I wanted to make a point to blog this.

we have had this vacation planned for probably over a month. on top of Covid putting us on the fence of going up because we didn't know the mask laws or if work would make me quarantine when I got back etc etc... the cows also decided they would start calving, and dad decided he was going to attempt to cut his hand off. (the way my luck goes). so after chasing a cow and calf back across the fence with my gimp father, my anxiety starts. I knew I had to get that fence cleaned off so dad wouldn't have to mess or worry about it while we were gone. 

so what did I do that I never ever do. I asked for help. I asked the boyfriend if he would bring his weed eater down and help with the fence. He never hesitated. He brought it down, done the whole fence in the rain, and got shocked a couple times because we were idiots and forgot to unplug the fence. But he did not stop. He just kept his head focused and kept going... for me. He told me if that's what he had to do to take worries off my mind so I could relax on vacation he was going to get it done.

that night I realized not only am I extremely blessed butttt there is people that want to help. there is people that care. and there is people that love me enough to stand in the rain and get the work done. Every wall that I have ever built to protect myself from others, from being hurt is starting to crumble away piece by piece. Im allowing my rock hard self to become vulnerable for this man and I don't even care.

the way he loves and cares is unimaginable. the way he was once rock hard and now has completely opened his heart to me is unimaginable. this relationship, this love is more than I could ever dreamed of. its all I want for the rest of my life.