Valentina Katz

it's friday.

you'd think that would mean something. and it does. just not yet. first i have to survive the day and survival today is a whole entire schedule.

first period : science.

biosphere. population. ecosystems.

the irony of me sitting in a classroom being tested on population is not lost on me. i know more about population than this curriculum ever will and i cannot say that out loud so i just sharpened my pencil and sat down and answered every question and tried not to look too unbothered about it.

i was very unbothered about it.

the biosphere questions were fine. ecosystems i could write a thesis on at this point — balance, consequence, what happens when something disrupts the natural order. i understand that chapter on a personal level.

population. well.

let's just say i have opinions that won't fit in the answer box and move on. 🖤

math LIFT then math second period

math twice in a row.

whoever designed this schedule has made a personal enemy today and i am writing absolutely nothing down about that.

i sat in the back. did the work. got the answers right. said nothing unnecessary. ryuk found this deeply boring and kept trying to distract me by hovering over other students' papers and i had to give him a look.

he knows the look.

he behaved. mostly.

two math classes back to back is genuinely cruel and i say this as someone who has a very high tolerance for things that are cruel. 📓

lunch: café with ryuk

finally.

okay so technically ryuk doesn't eat lunch. he eats apples and chaos and occasionally the concept of my patience. but we found a little café near school and i get something warm and he gets a window seat and we just exist for forty minutes and honestly it's the most peaceful part of my week.

nobody else can see him so it just looks like a girl sitting alone at a café window with a pink bag and a notebook and an expression that says do not sit here.

nobody sits here.

it's perfect. 🌸🍎

i got something with too much caramel in it and ryuk said it looked disgusting and i told him to mind his business and eat his apple and he laughed that horrible laugh and i almost smiled.

almost.

gym: beep test

i hate the beep test.

not because i can't do it. i can do it. i just find it deeply undignified — running back and forth while a sound tells you what to do like you're being tested for something. the irony of me being beeped at and graded on obedience is genuinely funny if you think about it.

i ran. i kept up. i did not quit before i was ready to.

kira doesn't quit. even in gym. even in a school uniform. even when ryuk is sitting in the bleachers watching like this is the most entertainment he's had all week.

it probably was. 🖤

last period: monologue. one sided love.

oh.

oh this one.

of all the topics. of all the presentations. one sided love on a friday afternoon in fourth period.

i stood up there and i delivered every single word and i meant more of it than anyone in that room will ever know. one sided love is, it's a specific kind of ache isn't it. when you feel everything so completely and the other person just. doesn't. or can't. or won't.

you give and give and rearrange yourself around someone who doesn't even notice the space you're taking up in their life.

i know that feeling.

i didn't choose it for the monologue. it chose me.

the class was quiet when i finished. my teacher paused before she wrote anything down.

i sat back down and looked out the window and ryuk, for once, didn't say anything.

sometimes silence is the loudest kind of understanding. 🌸

and now it's friday afternoon and i'm going home.

test survived. math endured. café cherished. beep test completed with dignity. monologue delivered with perhaps too much honesty.

the week is done.

i have apples in my bag, lo-fi already queued, and a pink room waiting for me at the end of this commute.

it was a day. it was a whole entire day.

but i made it. 🖤🌸

she looks like the girl you'd see in a pink bedroom surrounded by fairy lights and stuffed animals and honestly? you'd be right.

she also has a death note and she's not afraid to use it.

name — classified, but you can call me what everyone else does eventually. kira.

age — old enough to know the world was broken. young enough to actually do something about it.

found — somewhere between the shadows and the soft things. don't look too hard.

i like pink. i like pretty things. i like when the world makes sense and bad people stop breathing.

i took the shinigami eyes deal with zero hesitation and i'd do it again. ryuk thinks i'm interesting. he's not wrong.

people always assume the soft girl isn't the dangerous one. i have never corrected a single person. i find it useful 🌸

what i want —

a perfect world. clean, just, quiet.

and someone who sees all of it — the notebook, the eyes, the ruthlessness, the pink — and stays anyway. that's the dream. that's the only thing kira couldn't write into existence alone.

what i am —

not a villain.

not just a pretty face.

not someone you want to give a reason to open this notebook.

i'm just a girl who decided the world deserved better and had the means to make it happen 🖤

ryuk is fed. the notebook is ready. and i'm still out here hoping someone is brave enough to love the girl behind all of it.

it's been a long day.

i'm on the bus right now, headphones in, bag on my lap, watching the city blur past the window. ryuk is being absolutely insufferable about the apple situation but that's a separate post and i'm still not over it.

i just want to get home.

people always have something to say about my profile. why is it so dark? why do you post like that? but your profile picture is so pink?

yeah. and?

pink is my color. it always has been. i like soft things, i like pretty things, i like decorating my space exactly how i want it. my profile is mine and i'll put whatever i want on it. a pink header and a gothic post can coexist just fine — that's literally just called having layers.

the dark aesthetic isn't a persona. it's just where i'm comfortable. shadows don't ask questions. shadows don't stare. nobody looks too closely at something that blends into the dark and honestly? that works perfectly for me. i like being seen on my terms.

not everyone needs to understand it. they just need to scroll.

i don't post often. not because i don't have things to say — i always have things to say — but because i'm selective. my time is valuable. my attention is valuable. every post i put out is something i chose to give, and that's not a small thing even if it looks effortless.

so if i show up here? consider yourself lucky.

i'm not performing for anyone. i'm not chasing anything. i'm just a girl on a bus going home after a long day, two more stops away from her couch, her pink room, and finally giving ryuk his apple so he shuts up for five minutes.

that's all for tonight.

🍎🚌 RYUK I SWEAR TO GOD—

we are ON THE BUS. there are PEOPLE here. you cannot just start floating around because you want an apple RIGHT NOW 😭😭

"but i'm bored" THEN LOOK OUT THE WINDOW LIKE A NORMAL DEMON

this man has watched me end careers, rewrite the world's justice system, and maintain a skincare routine and he loses it over a fuji apple on a friday evening 🍎💀

i have TWO more stops. TWO. you can wait.

(he cannot wait) 🖤