cuter than pie

Romance movies are to actual relationships what porn is to actual sex: sometimes entertaining, but usually full of terrible ideas.

someone from england: “door”? like what is that? you just have these things anyone can use to get into your homes and your cars? your country is so weird? here we have these, like, rectangular holes in our buildings and stuff, and a slab of some hard material, generally wood or metal, that covers it snugly and stays affixed with hinges and locks

I met Bill Nye on a plane in 1999. Here he is inventing the selfie.

your boss asks you to grow out your pubes for a month. you ask dave from accounting if he wants to go out for a drink but hes on a ketchup cleanse this week. you need to find sheila to get her figures for this quarter but shes away Trying Transcendental Puppy Kale Yoga For The First Time. you get roped in to do a taste test for slow cooked yoghurt and now you’re stressed because you can’t find the perfect gif for your ‘What Does Your Favourite Game of Thrones Buttplug Say About You?’ listicle

something light

i have no self-control

today someone from the House of Representatives watched this bird dance to Hotline Bling

ATTENTION IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY HEARD THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT

If you can make time for what you love, even if it’s a small amount of time..your life quality will improve.

call me biased but i dont think thats the sexiest robot they could’ve found a picture of