feat shaun the skeleton
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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@curi0uscanine
feat shaun the skeleton

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Through! Coming out! Look
I’m glad that sonic is through coming out
Dear necromancers, why would you bother summoning human corpses when dinosaurs are an option
are you suggesting necromancers were behind jurassic park
Normally I don’t reblog things like this… but……. :’D
so in celebration of blue and leaf suddenly becoming relevant again, I redrew an old dumb comic from 2014 and added some new doodles! excited for sun and moon, and also sad that leaf doesn’t seem to have made it into the new gen…

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Just thinking about how it’s cool that our brains can process information instantaneously then it occurred to me that a measure of time we consider “instantaneous” may only seem instantaneous because that’s the limit of how quickly our brains can process information.
Need a better way to phrase this but our brains only seem super fast because the speed they run is literally the fastest thing we brain-dependent organisms can comprehend.
To a faster system, a second may seem excruciatingly long, and we humans appear to be stuck making dial-up noises for most of this excruciatingly long existence.
Someone make this into one of those tumblr alien stories where the aliens process everything at like, twice the speed of humans (so all aliens are basically low-key the Flash?) and whenever humans have to stop and think about what they’re going to say next or pause on an “um,” or “uh,” it is a test of the aliens’ patience.
“Should we be concerned for the human’s health, Kwo’nor? He has been making a pause noise for a very long time now”
“Do not worry, Kwo’sha, they just… do this sometimes”
The Quixnor are an ancient species.
Their dusty clay relics set the earliest civilizations back 50,000 generations. Every edge and isle and rocky new shoreline has been discovered, rediscovered, populated and decimated in the endless ebb and flow of time. Every corner of their red globe has been touched by Quixnor hands. Every moment packed brimming and dense with political action, scientific discovery, advent and breakthrough and progress. It would take 1,000 Quixnor lifetimes to understand even a fraction of their history. It would take unfathomable amounts more to understand the yottabytes of information stored in the species’ silicon archives.
This kind of history–rich and overflowing and incomprehensibly massive–is only to be expected of a species which has survived for 100 trillion Quixnor Eons.
Or, in metric, 5.28374 minutes.
The Quixnor, in that time, have learned much, discovered much, conquered much, mastered much, but some things remain forever outside the edges of their comprehension. At the forefront of this is the Frozen Ones. In the ever-scientific minds of the Quixnor people, there is no natural phenomenon more marvelous, more wondrous, and more terrifying than the Frozen Ones.
The Frozen Ones are an alien species. They are similar to the Quixnor in shape, and structure, and anatomy, and society. They are far off on an enormous watery planet easily visible on the scopes of the Quixnors’ vastly advanced telescopes. The Frozen Ones are easily observed, yet impossible to study, as their individuals have existed for timescales the Quixnor cannot represent in words or numbers. Scientists say the Frozen Ones’ kind have existed for Eons whose numeric representation contains millions of digits. No one truly understands what this magnitude means, not even the scientists.
The Frozen Ones do not move. They do not breathe. Their hearts do not beat. Their synapses do not fire.
The Frozen Ones are not dead.
They are, as best as the Quixnor scientists can reason, still very well alive, and somehow living on a timescale so enormous that millions of Eons may pass unheeded between inhales, between heartbeats. The Frozen Ones can do this without dying. On a more incredulous level–they can do this without even noticing.
The Quixnor have sent out countless contacts to the Frozen Ones, spanning thousands of Eons, two-dozen generations. They understand they will never see the result in their lifetime, nor their children, nor their grandchildren. The hope is only that some day, some Quixnor may hear a word back from one of the great, anomalous Frozen Ones…
…
James Buckman hitches up his pants and sniffs experimentally at his right hand as he leaves the men’s room. There’s a tepid cup of coffee getting colder on his desk and a buzzing plastic fan fluttering the edges of a few dog eared reports. His pen fell while he was gone.
He drops back into his seat, hand to his stubbly chin and attention set to the half-stack of documents he’d abandoned ten minutes earlier. He pauses, watery eyes shifting to the little satellite receiver angled on his desk. James does a double-take, chest tight at the tiny, green blurb which has appeared on his monitor.
Hello, Frozen One. We have learned your language from the great frozen world around you. You are remarkable to us. We are called the Quixnor. We’ve attached a humble, 1,293 page report of our species’ history for perusal at your leisure. The report includes instructions to contact us in return. We are greatly eager to hear from you, and to understand what your life is like on a timescale so massive.
The text begins to scroll. James’s eyes dart along at the flood. He blinks, baffled, and stares out at the cloudless sky for any visible source of the signal.
There is none. James’s bathroom break had lasted 11 minutes. The entire Quixnor civilization had birthed and died in less than 7.
Just in time for Halloween, the Becky Prim pilot!
Spaghetti Western
I’m so sorry this took much longer than I wanted it to because of life stuff but at least I got it done before 2016! Happy New Year.
Also if you liked this and you like my other comics….
please consider donating to my patreon so I can make these more often!!! Every tiny bit helps!!!!
another comic about the closet, tw for transphobia, misgendering, homophobia
how does he produce full movies in three mins?? give him his oscar already

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reblog to save a life
ok real talk true story: one time my old roommate and her friend decided they were gonna make pot brownies. they bought an 8th and used it to make a batch. they didn’t really understand the concept of edibles and thought they needed to split the entire pan of brownies between the two of them
homegirl was high for three days
I have never seen a realer post on tumblr.
So I live in the Netherlands and as most people who live here can tell you, don’t buy your edibles or weed from Amsterdam because that’s all shitty tourist stuff. Anyway when I first moved here I totally bought edibles from Amsterdam and they did NOTHING (3 full brownies later I had a small buzz that lasted like 10 minutes). Anyway fast forward a few months and I’m up in Haarlem which is like pretty close to Amsterdam but much less touristy. I found a nice little shop that sold pot cupcakes! But they were like the bite sized kind and were really cheap so I assumed they were fairly weak if I only gotta pay like €4 for them. Anyway I bought several and went to the train for my 3.5 hour train ride back down to Maastricht, and I decided I wanted to try the cupcakes out. I ate one full cupcake even though it said eat only half at a time. Now lemme tell you how these tiny cupcakes surprised the shit out of me: firstly, I’ve NEVER heard of an edible kick in as fast as these. This wasn’t like a placebo effect, like literally 5 minutes after eating it the high started kicking in which was the exact moment I went “oh shit”. Secondly, these tiny things packed one hell of a punch. I mean this was a pretty smooth high but it kept going up and up and up and whenever I thought I peaked it just kept going. So here I am on a train just listening to music and completely dissociating and the person came to check my ticket to which I proceeded to give him every card in my wallet because I didn’t know which one he wanted.
TL;DR: I ate a mini weed cupcake on the train and while it made the trip much more interesting, i wouldn’t recommend it because I did miss my stop after I dissociated for like 2 straight hours
sorry this tweet is just Very Good and im glad
C O N T E X T
Berdst friend AU
@hyperchronic
SPOOK HOLY HELL
#ARE YOU KIDDING ME #NO #NOOOO
YES
YEEEEESSSSSSS
i want a ya novel parody where the plucky heroine and her assorted stereotypical companions escape their unlikely, constructed dystopia just to find that the next walled country over is also a dystopia with some ludicrous premise. and so is the next, and the next
so each chapter is them tunneling under a wall and thinking they’ve found somewhere to settle down and it turns out that people aren’t brainwashed to have no emotions, but instead are programmed by computers that control human society to do their perfect job. in the next one everyone enters a lottery at the age of sixteen and some arbitrary percentage of them just disappears. in the next one the world is run by plants. they keep getting stranger and it never ends
I love how there are two approaches to stealth games, it’s either no bodies for the guards to notice or no guards left to notice the bodies

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he fucking just
Ian Flynn: “Tommy is dull, Tommy has always been dull and that is why Tommy must die.”