...

this feels silly but does anyone else just feel, like, disrespected and taken advantage of all the time? not in your personal life but like as a community member, citizen, human being generally? constantly being told to be satisfied with less and less, being told to be okay with being disrespected, putting up with so much “main character” antisocial behavior from others?

in front of any person i'm always putting up a performance. that doesn't mean i'm faking it, no. my performance is very automatic to me and feels natural. i can even enjoy myself in it. however it gets bad when after some time i start realizing that this performance is more so taking a toll on my mental well-being rather than is enjoyable. that's all.

even outside of being schizoid i think it’s unsettling how some people feel entitled to your body, your time, your space, and your attention, and then get offended when you don’t want to be touched or simply want privacy. i can politely say i don’t want a hug and people react like i’ve said something cruel or offensive. i’ve had exes go through my phone without permission and then act shocked when i’m upset about my privacy being violated. in relationships, people expect you to give up parts of your autonomy just to keep them comfortable.

I'm completely fake and everything I've ever done is a lie

i wish i was a real person i can’t believe im going to die having never been a real person

horrific

if youre not careful facing any relationship problem at all can convince you that you were right all along and youre better off being alone forever

Ever since I was young I've always been obsessed over hiding my stuff from someone specific. You in particular can't know and a big part of my live revolves around engaging in my secret and hiding whatever it is from you.