I am cunt, hear me roar.

Tbh that cricketer is butt ugly, I'd demand $10,000 too.

Look if we actually gunna watch Netflix then let me know cause I don't wanna shave my pussy for doctor who

When u pull a booger out and it feels like it came all the way up your throat

When ur not done pooing but you've been in there too long so u pack it up and try again later

Shout outs to the friends who have potential viral videos of me drunk, but keep them to themselves, you're the real MVPs.

exercise, buy maccas, smoke weed, oops.

Eyebrows on point A point of crystal meth maybe cause them brows are whack sister

I go to the toilet to pick my nose more than I do to shit.

When i poop and the water splashes up and touches my butt my thoughts range from "oh fk I got aids" to "I want someone to spit on my ass and fk me till sunrise"

Do girls even realise how little effort us guys put into getting dressed???

If you eat poo does it come out as a perfect quarter pounder??? Maybe. How do you know it doesn't? U tried?

when u yawn and u yawn so hard your eyes tear up and u look like u cryin so u hide from everyone and blink like a lizard for 30 seconds to avoid the awkwardness

I like my breakfasts how I like my sex Quick and full of cheese

I hate when I get an unknown call from someone and they ask me to guess who it is, I can't handle that pressure, I'll just hang up.

Some people call it a groundbreaking piece of cellular technology...I call it not being bored on the toilet.