the whore is back

The setting: Planet earth circa 2015 or some shyt

👨🏻: hi I'm your protagonist, I'm a straight white man and I live in a farm

👨🏻: rn the world is ending bc us yankees can't grow corn or some shyt, and not bc we're literally a menace to the environment and everyone around us

👨🏻: apparently I'm also a scientist

👨🏻: also I got a daughter but she's not important rn

[BIG CATASTROPHIC EVENT HAPPENS]

🧑🏼‍🔬: hello I'm important scientist, big catastrophic event happened and the world is about to end, we're going to shoot you into space bc of reasons

👨🏻: ok

🧑🏼‍🔬: here's your crew

👩🏻: female crew member

👨🏿: mandatory poc bc the rest of the cast is white and we need to meet a diversity quota

👨🏻: ok

[IN SPACE SHIP]

3

2

1

👨🏻👨🏿👩🏻🚀: off we go

[IN SPACE]

👨🏿: we need to go to that worm hole over there bc of reasons

👨🏻: yoo why is it a sphere?

👨🏿: bc is not a drawing you idiot

🤖: yoo I've been here the whole time you forgot to introduce me, I'm some generical ai assistant

👨🏿👨🏻👩🏻: SHUT UP!

[THEY GO THRU THE WORM HOLE AND GET TO SOME PLANET OR SOME SHYT IDK]

👨🏿: yoo, we got to the planet bro, we need to go down there bc of reasons

👨🏻: ok, female crew member, ai assistant and me are going, you wait here

👨🏿: ok

[RIGHT AFTER LANDING]

🔵: YOOOO, I'm the water planet, I'm wet and full of water

🔵: M O I S T

👩🏻: dude, this is like the only instance I get to speak like whatsup with that, also one hour here is like 20 years on earth or some shyt like fr fr

👨🏻: ok then let's leave then

🤖: something something dramatic music

[BACK IN THE SPACE SHIP]

👴🏿: bruh... I'm old as fuck dude wtf

👨🏻: yo, let's get out of here dude I'm bored

[INTERDIMENSIONAL TIME TRAVEL STUFF MONTAGE]

👨🏻: yo, I'm back on earth, idk what happened to the rest of the crew they died or something idk

👨🏻: where is me daughter?

👵🏻: dude I'm literally died lol

👨🏻: sad noices :(

👨🏻: at least the earth is saved, right?

👨🏻: right... ?

[THE END]