OH GOD OH NO OH

i like when you see a little lizard go skittleskittleskitter and then stop & do some push ups

June and July are the same months btw. They want you to think they're two different months but it's the same month that's 60 days long. Same way August is actually August and the first half of September

they sell items at tjmaxx that even God is not aware of

Got thrown out of the tarot reading for counting cards. fuck this place

You have to separate the art from the Garfunkel

phone somehow autocorrected "the joker" to "the worker." why so devoid of class consciousness, batman

I think if biologically possible, baseball players would chatter and chirp like cats do when tracking a fly ball

wiping my cheeto dust hands on your shirt. i want to build a beautiful life with you

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable

Being an adult will have you unironically sad about a parasite outbreak in fresh vegetables.

Victor Frankenstein after achieving the impossible and building a fucking person from scraps of the dead: Oh god, ew, ew it's ugly! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew! Ew! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew!

small town diner waitress voice: Omelas? Oh, oh no, easy mistake, you're in oh - MAY - las right now, with an A. Plenty' people get the name mixed up. Nope, no utopia here, just our small little town. *face gets really grim* We do still.. Okay well we do still have a kid that we... I mean it isn't working but- well- You know. It- It's fine. I'm sure it'll start working soon.

The light inside an oven is crucial to getting breads to rise. Without the light inside simulating the sun, the bread can't tell which way is up, leaving it twisted and ruined.