So, my boyfriend wants me to peg him and be more dominant with him. But i'm extremely submissive and it's all i've ever known. I've tried looking at submissive guys' blogs like yours for some guidance but it's still hard... Do you have any pointers/tips for how i should go about this?
One of the things that I have come to love about BDSM is how flexible it is.
When I first got into it, many years ago, I was so sure that there were strict rules and guidelines, that everything was as rigid as my cock was while reading about it.
Totally not the case. Sure, there are some rules, some things that I personally believe should be a part of every D/s relationship, such as the often repeated safe, sane, and consensual, limits, safewords, and my personal favorite, communication.
Outside that though, BDSM is ultimately, I feel, a game played with minds.
Take my partner and I for example. Either of us can play the Dominant role, or the submissive. In our day to day lives I am much more dominant that she. I’m aggressive, confident, and perhaps a bit of an asshole as far as some are concerned and that’s fine by me.
She, on the other hand, is far more passive, empathetic, and has a tendency to put others before herself.
We compliment each other quite well, and together, things tend to work splendidly.
When I am in the Dominant role in a scene and she the submissive, it’s easy, natural roles to slip into. She gets to escape her worries for a time as I take complete control and I get to indulge the more aggressive, selfish, and controlling aspects of my personality with someone that wants exactly that.
But what happens when I’m exhausted and want to let go for a time? Is that possible? Will that make my partner uncomfortable because it goes against her nature?
If I expected her to “be” dominant, to be like me, then yes, it likely would make her uncomfortable. But that isn’t what I expect or even what I need. All I need is some time to let go, and that’s easier than you may think.
There are several ways over the years that we’ve approached this with varying degrees of success and still a few more to try in the future.
The first is simple enough. Think about things you enjoy, sexually, that you would like more of. That’s all. Let’s say that you enjoy receiving oral, or perhaps you want longer foreplay like a full body massage. For my partner, she very much enjoys watching me cum, either by hand or toy. Your partner is basically giving you permission to be selfish.
This is very simplistic, but a great way to start. Take this opportunity to simply get what you want, allowing him to submit. It may not be exactly what he wants, but that is often part of the fantasy, serving your needs, not his own.
Another way to approach it has everything to do with your mindset. Let’s say that you’re a hardcore sub/slave/pet/whatever. Your partner comes to you and demands that you slap them. It’s a direct order, you have to obey, playing all hardcore and such.
If you can wrap your head around the concept of Dominating by command, that may be something for you. If your dominant partner orders you to take charge for say, the first 12 hours of the upcoming weekend, you are dominating them, but at the same time, serving.
A great tool would be asking him to keep a submissive blog, one where he could detail some of his submissive ideals and fantasies, giving you something to reference and work with.
Now, assuming you don’t find a groove with one of those and branch out from there, talk to your partner about these option.
You can bring in a third party, either irl or online depending on your comfort level. I myself have walked submissive partner through dominating their lover before and it can be quite enjoyable for all.
You can find yourself another girl, a Domme, and the both of you dominate your partner, with her taking the lead, acting as a guide.
You can find yourself a Dominant that wants to play with you while essentially cyber-cucking your partner, one who would play with you while also directing you in dominating your partner.
You could even frequent adult chat rooms and simply tell people that you have a sub there to play with and you need help with ideas, and act as their hands.
Depending on kinks, being exposed and vulnerable to a chat room full of strangers may be a humiliation that they’re into over the rest.
It can be tricky though, involving others, so as I said, communicate well and often beforehand.
Still, imagine it, sitting on his face, reading through his submissive blog, enjoying another orgasm from his tongue while waiting for the room to populate, knowing they’ll take charge and be making demands soon enough, and him, knowing he’ll be at the mercy of those strangers and your hands….
gamechangershow
gracieabrams
stormborns
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
vaporwave
ellievsbear
discoholicmusic
origamiaround
pixelskylines
