bigfoot is real and she stole my wife

undiagnosed autistic people will be like "I don't get upset when my routine changes though!!" and it's because they've built a set of if-then loops in their head to pick from one of 6 different strict routines and they do get incredibly upset when they're unable to keep to any of the 6 scripts. I'm john normal

your boss takes you into his office and grimly informs you that he’s unemploygnant and it’s yours

YOU DON'T NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT TO LOOK HOT THAT'S THE DEVIL TALKING

in the 2000s everything was happening on the dance floor. they signed the magna carta out there

i agree with british people when they say fooking ell

I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna do the dishes!

I did it! It sucked but I did it!

$20 used to mean something

Torterra.....

God grant me the strength to do the things I enjoy

time to bring back a classic.