Believe in Steven

Okay but…if someone wants to take me on a date to a Barnes and noble and get me dinner and a drink and then let me peruse the stacks like I’m not saying no. A sandwich, a beer, and 2-5 books on various topics I hope I’ll someday read about? Good night.

The Swedish equivalent of Blockbuster is now best known for its candy, snacks and sodas.

The other day I went to McDonald’s with my family and the guy who took my order was really loud and was basically like “HAPPY HOLIDAYS WHAT CAN I GET YOU” and I was like wow I can’t let this guy outmatch me so I yelled “I’LL TAKE A HAPPY MEAL WITH THE NUG NUGS IF I MAY” you know, like a natural well-adjusted epitome of adulthood 19 year old and he was like “CERTAINLY WOULD YOU LIKE THE MIGHTY KIDS MEAL INSTEAD WITH EXTRA FRIES” and I was so sleep deprived I essentially blacked out and apparently leaned over the counter like I was robbing the place, raised my eyebrow like a suave robin hood and said “HECK YES I WOULD GOOD SIR” and then I sat down and he yelled from across the store “WOULD YOU LIKE THE PURPLE OR BLUE SPIDER-MAN” and since purple is the more superior color that’s how I answered and long story short my parents think college changed me and that I’m now the poster child for being social and I’ve only been asked once why I’m not in a relationship yet but I know it’s gonna be brought up again and how do i tell my parents it’s because whenever I eat in the dining hall I spend the entire time playing bumper cars with the wheeley chairs and all I eat is pixie sticks and the last time I was in the library (where I’m supposed to work next semester, deAr GoD) I ripped my leggings in the bathroom pulling up my pants and I walked the entire 20 mins back to my dorm with my neon underwear peeking out from the holes like a 17th century harlot with a cocaine addiction and I’ve essentially been living off jars of peanut butter and the soundtrack to the bee movie for the past year

there’s more information in this post than there was in the library of alexandria

op did you breathe typing this because I didn’t while reading it

out blazing

… a trail for the other pioneers.  tomorrow we head west, in search of fame and fortune.  the oregon trail beckons us forth.  on ye oxen and ye settlers, let us claim our destiny

customers the same in all universes

this is it. this is the best response i’ve ever received on this post. everyone pack up, go home, we’re done here

I’m just wondering if it was actually safe to use as lube…..

It absolutely is! Crisco is a vegetable oil, which means it’s safe to use, even with condoms (whereas baby oil and petroleum jelly destroys latex and can cause irritation and infection).

And it’s kosher!

I love him

He chonk

energy!!!

This should be the new M&M commercial!

Im laughing so fucking hard right now

Goddammit that make me laugh so hard😂

Somewhere between (งಠ_ಠ)ง and  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  every day.

i’m a sucker for cute, long text messages