mirabella

i’m sick of reading posts that i can’t relate to. the type that depict one side of the relationship being directly toxic to the other or the type that ended on mutual grounds. the breakup posts that fail to consider that despite all the things they might have done to you, you still miss the little things they did. you still feel like right next to you. memories of them replay in your head constantly. the type of relationships where they would look for you in the bed when they wake up even when they’re unconscious. or them grabbing you closer at night when they know you can’t sleep. them getting you milk the next day cause they know you ran out the day before. them knowing exactly where that itch is. or them knowing exactly how long it takes for you to get ready. the look in their eyes when you do something, anything. the way they look at you when you take a video and not at themselves. how they always wanted to be around you, constantly, every second of every day. them rolling you a j before they leave cause they know you like to smoke in the morning and you can’t roll. the smile when they see you. the first hug. the last hug. it hurts. knowing that sometimes the person you are with gives you so much but not in the things that matter the most. the type of relationships where you wished one or two things were different. the type where you question yourself even though you know it’s for the best. the type that they’re so integrated in your life that you can’t imagine your current life without them. it’s hard. it’s hard knowing that no matter what you say or what they reply their actions won’t change. you try being the honest type or you try being the effective communicator. no change is seen. the type of relationships where they do something that hurts you then instantly do something that makes you look at them and fall in love more. it’s the type of relationships that you fall into without realizing and you don’t even know when they started or how they started. the type where you can still feel their hand or their presence every time you turn in your bed. the type where each time someone mentions anything all you think about is them. the type where if you close your eyes you can feel every moment spent with them. the type where you both felt completely vulnerable and comfortable with each other. too comfortable. where they can pinpoint any insecurity you have and where they used to kiss the spots you hated the most. or hold your face and kiss your forehead as you realize how much of your hair was falling from stress. or the type that would try your vegan food even if they hated it. or get a hoodie cause they know you get cold. those are the relationships that hurt the most. the type where you feel helpless without them but manipulated when you’re with them. the type where you want to be with them but know for you it’s for the best. the type where they’re still in love with you and don’t see what they did. those are the relationships i never see spoken about.